Making new friends!

I agree that joining something where you can be doing rather than having to converse is much easier if you are not an extravert. Try something like pottery, art or singing, line dancing or if you are energetic, Zoomba. I belong to two community choirs where you do not have to audition or be a good singer. Some members are less than tuneful but we are eighty strong so faults are acceptable! People come from a large area and many friendships have been made.
Our gardening club is my go to activity to meet like minded people and we are mostly pensioners. We have a monthly speaker, trips and those have to include tea and cake.

I agree with Lathyrus that joining things does not automatically mean you make friends. Acquaintances, yes, people you can chat with, look forward to seeing each time, but it is a big step to actually becoming friends, or being included in a coffee or lunch invitation.
Since the pandemic, three people I used to meet up with from time to time have not made contact or replied to my contact. Now that groups are meeting I look forward to that bit of contact, but it does not translate into anything more.
But enjoying what you do, how you spend your time is essential, be it an interest group, volunteering etc.

Have you got Clover classes where you live as they specialise on the older gen?

How about couples? How do you meet other like-minded couples.
Any ideas gratefully received.
I'm sure like us, couples have friends who have moved , or will soon be going , many miles away, or inherited a lot of money and therefore now have a different life that doesn't include us.
We love to socialise, but only really now have 1 other pair we know to do things with, who are really busy

Blueangel, I had goosebumps reading your post as, at least the beginning part, could have been written by or for me.

I too had been heavily involved in helping to look after my Grandchildren until recently. I used to help every weekday, from 9 am to 7 pm. I went on holiday with them every year but was told this year by my daughter that they wanted to go on their own. Before anyone has a go at me, I did understand this.

However, after their return, I have been been excluded more and more, have been told not to go to the childrens' birthdays (although I am still expected to buy lots of expensive presents) and since the older children have returned to school, my daughter told me that she doesn't need me to help with the little one, aged just over 1 year old. She then said that as she does't need me, she doesn't want me and I am only to go 3 times per week after school, to help with the difficult time while she cooks and the boys are tired, hungry and tend to fight and argue. I do appreciate that I am lucky to see my Grandchildren at all and that 3 times per week is a whole lot more often than many people get.

However, I have been bereft, have no friends and am very introverted, so as Granless has pointed out, it is difficult to join groups. My daughter was very cross with me when I told her this and that I didn't fancy the bingo & board games group in our village anyway.

I wouldn't mind volunteering at the Grandchildrens' school, but cannot bring myself to ask about doing so for fear I might burst into tears while explaining why I want to do so. I spend almost all day every day in tears as it is and tend to just hide away. I am 66 and a widow.

Good luck, Blueangel, I hope you find something to give you a purpose in life.

Around here there are groups of people of our age who go walking together once a week. You can probably find something similar where you are.

You may also be able to find a group that goes cycling if you prefer.

You could be fortunate volunteering, but there again you might just land in the kind of place that is a hot-bed of gossip, back-biting and in-fighting, as many of the charity shops in my experience are.

(other children's ) grandparents are often welcome in the kind of club that helps children with homework.

Are there no schemes in your area, where active 70+ people like you and me can help those of our age or older who are less mobile do their shopping?

GrannyBear1, sorry to hear about your difficulties.
i think volunteering at a school is a good idea, but definitely not at the one your GC attend.
there may be other opportunities to utilise your caring abilities, contact a local volunteering group.
good luck.

GrannyBearl, such a sad post.
Has something happened between you and your DD to cause this sudden change. Could you carefully ask if you have upset her in some way?

Search for local friendship groups on Facebook, or Google meetup groups for your local area. Join some local clubs and groups of interest

In our village we started up a Friendship Group earlier this year. It was in response to many people becoming very lonely during 'lock-down'. We have a membership of approx. 30 and we usually get between 18-24 people attending. The County Council provided a grant. We meet every Thursday at the local pub and the landlady provides tea, coffee, sandwiches and cakes at cost, which the grant covers. We are considering having it twice a week this autumn/winter so that people can switch down their heating, meet other people and have lunch. Everyone is welcome and the people just have to live in the village. We have become like a village family and no one comes without being welcomed and someone chatting to them until they feel comfortable. Suddenly we all have a collection of new friends.

KG1241

My daughter is only 25 and has moved to a new area because of work, she’s really struggling to make new friends ?

The website mentioned above called “Meet up” may benefit your daughter KG. Also a younger person on my local FB page posted that they’d recently moved into the area and were looking at ways to make new friends - they were inundated with local contact details of associations etc they could try.

I’m 75 and in the WI - we have a book club (you don’t have to read the books - just turn up at the pub for a chat if that’s all you’re interested in), they also have a Sunday club (as they realise this is a lonely day for many women living alone), there’s a walking group - we also do lots of interesting outings and events. I have to tell you now I’m useless at crafts, flower arranging, knitting and jam making. No one seems to mind at all.
I love to sing (although I’m not a good singer ). I’ve been in Rock choir for 11 years - they have choirs all round the UK and are very welcoming. But there are lots of other local choirs doing all types of music now.
I also line dance once a week which is great fun.
I think the best idea is to decide what you are interested in and see if there’s anything going on locally. Libraries often have local groups listed on a notice board.
I used to be in the U3A and enjoyed that too but had to drop out as I couldn’t fit everything in along with grannie duties but I’m aware that this will slacken off as the GC get older.
Maybe one of the above things might appeal to you - it is hard to make that first step but now is a good time to do just that as a lot of things will be starting back up after the summer break - local colleges etc.
I hope you can find something you like and friendship will hopefully follow from it.

Check your area for the U3A (university of the third age), they have every kind of club imaginable - keep fit, art, languages, they also have talks and coffee mornings (In Harrogate we have all this anyway). There is an up front fee to join (minimal) then the club you join will have some fee (again minimal)
Good Luck in your quest!

I'm 71 and in the WI. It's the best thing I ever did after retiring. We had about 35 members before the pandemic but now we are up to 60. We are a very active WI Leeds group and have subgroups including knitting, craft, afternoon and evening book groups, walking and strolling groups, chat and discussion groups, luncheon and evening dining, gardening group, art group, Litter Picking, as well as visits to theatre, cinema, days out, etc. As Frogs said you don't need to be good at crafts, flower arranging, knitting and jam making. They are all friends and I know if needed they would come to my aid.

I recently joined a crown green bowling group because now covid is more relaxed my friend is constantly on holiday.
It's friendly, non strenuous and fun. Worth thinking about

Thanks to all for the suggestions and to welbeck and Gilly33 in particular.
My DD told me she has "moved on" and doesn't need me now.
My SiL barely speaks to me now, though we used to be very close.
It has helped being able to post here and tell someone how sad I've been. I even forced myself out of the house this afternoon for a walk, wearing dark glasses so no-one could see my red eyes! Thank you all for your kindness, it really does mean so much.

There are online Zoom courses available, I am doing an Arvon writing course soon, via Zoom.

Dempie55
This is my story too. What I do like about attending different groups is that you can often choose to sit with different people so you don't get the same story over and over. However, I am a good listener and quite a private person so I tend to ask questions. Problem is, it opens up the flood gates and one particular friend can spend 2 hours going on and on and on and on. I am so sad at the Queen passing at the moment that I just can't face spending time with her and listen to her commentary on everything. I feel as someone is my family has passed away and just want a little time to readjust. Never thought it would affect me so much.

You need to find things to do with like-minded people. If you like reading, go down to your local library and join their book group. You make friends meet like-minded people and everyone gets to talk about the book.
Another idea is for you to volunteer at your local National Trust property. You learn alot, meet friends and gain a whole new social life. Don't hesitate, give these two things a go.
What are you waiting for.

I could have made a new friend today but decided not to. I had my first walk since I hurt my leg and walked to watch some kayakers enjoying the nice day. I soon felt tired and sat on a bench to watch when a very pleasant man about my own age asked if I minded him sitting down too.
We got talking and spent time watching the kayaks. It was going well until he got onto his hobby horse of politics and came out with quite a few bigoted opinions so rather than argue I looked at my watch and made an excuse.
I don't usually talk to strangers but one of my friends talks to everybody and has made a few friends that way.

WI for me too. We have interesting speakers, craft and chat, book club, some outside events, cream teas, ploughman’s lunches, rambles. I am running a Beetle Drive later this month.

I’ve never made jam and we sing Jerusalem once a year.

KG1241

My daughter is only 25 and has moved to a new area because of work, she’s really struggling to make new friends ?

My 24 year old son is the same.
He has made a start with MeetUp. It's been mentioned on here. It's a website where you can find local groups and join in. He found one for "20s social" they meet after work for drinks. Another " board games" group. There are music, walking etc. Many joiners are new to the city for work.
I've tried looking at meetup for me but there's nothing round here ( back of beyond).

Perhaps you could try contacting those old friends and explain how you are feeling and they may show more kindness and friendship than you expect if you can make them understand the situation. I had a good friend who totally dropped me when she began grandchild caring duties. I was hurt and disappointed not to even receive an occasional phone call to catch up. However if she were to contact me now I would try to understand and resume friendship. Its easy to forget that to be a friend both sides have to put in some effort.

I would describe myself as an introvert too but I have got to know quite a few neighbours in the surrounding roads through walking our dog. I also made two good friends from different areas through walking our dogs together.

If you are on Facebook check out Silver Friends. This is groups of people in your area , and throughout the country who meet up . It might just be meeting for lunch or going to a museum or a host of different things to do. I have met some lovely people who have become friends. I would definitely recommend.