Anyone else struggling after returning to the UK?

Can I just raise the "C" word...
Croissants are not at all difficult, just time-consuming!
bonne chance!

halfpint1

Sorry about the thread but the croissant fans didn't get a reprimand

They're better in France.

That's why I tried to make some but they were worse than English ones.
Fresh baked ones are OK here (not dunked).

Witzend - this is the breakfast I was given by my penfriend's mother when I went alone to France aged 10
?

You can do it Joseanne !!
?

Callistemon21

^This is not a political thread^.

Worth repeating as it has turned from a thread trying to help and support a Gransnetter into a wholly political, Britain-bashing thread. Very unfair on the poor OP imo.

*This is not a political thread*

but it's not Britain-bashing either

The discussion has moved on, and was replying to other posts.

The OP discussed the issue of not feeling comfortable with specialist medical terms in hospitals where they lived abroad, to be a major factor in their decision to move back. Someone mentionned that as expats get older and may require care, this would be an added issue at a later stage.

It was for my MIL in the UK, in her care home. She was an immigrant with another MT- and despite living in the UK for over 50 years, and being a teacher- in advanced Alzheimers she reverted to her childhood MT- and before that, found it extremely confusing to deal with strong 'non-standard' accents.

Out of respect for CountessF, this will be my last post on the subject.

Bonne chance, CountessF.

Fleurpepper

And of course, in care homes, many carers have very strong non British accents, which can be confusing for advanced dementia/A patients. Again, not the story here, I am quite sure.

You did specify non-British accents which seems at variance with this, below, and you certainly seemed to be talking about care assistants in the UK, otherwise what relevance was there in mentioning the non-Britush accents of the carters ?

With the OP in mind, and older expats in care homes or hospitals in France (or wherever)- even if they speak good French (Italian, Spanish, whatever)- dealing with strong local accents, or accents from overseas territories, can be very difficult. NOTHING to do with race

But whatever, OP and her DH do not have dementia, are not contemplating a care home in France, Belgium, Switzerland or the UK - so bit of a red herring?

MawtheMerrier

@Fleurpepper are you implying that care assistants from other ethnic backgrounds are somehow inferior?
You are on very shaky ground.

With the OP in mind, and older expats in care homes or hospitals in France (or wherever)- even if they speak good French (Italian, Spanish, whatever)- dealing with strong local accents, or accents from overseas territories, can be very difficult. NOTHING to do with race.

Shaky ground indeed!

MawtheMerrier

@Fleurpepper are you implying that care assistants from other ethnic backgrounds are somehow inferior?
You are on very shaky ground.

No I am not, not in any way, shape or form. And I am very sure you know that too. But it is a fact, that many care home workers, excellent and brilliant at their job, do has very strong accents from overseas, and that it can cause issues with some patients, either because they have hearing loss or dementia/Alzheimers.

As for the older ones reverting to their MT, it was abundantly clear in my post that I was speaking about my MIL.

halfpint1

Sorry about the thread but the croissant fans didn't get a reprimand

The croissant fans KNOW they're right, that France is highly superior in that respect!

Often the older ones actually revert back to their original language when they are very old,too

Are there many very old care home assistants? .

Sorry about the thread but the croissant fans didn't get a reprimand

Exactly that in my Mum's care home in Portsmouth, Silverlining48 so being in France really wasn't so different.
The care fees were substantially less here and she qualified
for a benefit of aid as Britain was in Europe at that time.
She had previously had a family life with her Brother and
Sister in law but all being the same age it got hard for everyone.

At my mums home south of London there was not one English native speaking member of staff. The standard of English was generally poor and it was difficult ,even for me to understand. It did concern me as being able to communicate and to be understood is very important especially for those with dementia.
However most staff were kind and caring and some even tried to learn a few phrases in mums native language to be able to communicate with her a little.
Its not racist to say this, it’s fact. Until caring as a career is valued as an important and much needed skill and pay and conditions improve nothing will change. People will be drawn from countries thousands of miles away , separated from their families for long periods, to look after us.

I didn’t see that. Fleur was just stating a fact. Often the older ones actually revert back to their original language when they are very old,too. Many Dutch, German, Chinese revivals. I think that comment was uncalled for and the perceived racism was just that - perceived .

@Fleurpepper are you implying that care assistants from other ethnic backgrounds are somehow inferior?
You are on very shaky ground.

It’s true about second languages, dementia can make language disappear however fluent, even after more than 60 years in a country. Makes communication very hard. Happened to my dear mum.

And of course, in care homes, many carers have very strong non British accents, which can be confusing for advanced dementia/A patients. Again, not the story here, I am quite sure.

Yes, it happened to my MIL, who had lived in the UK for over 50 years, and she reverted back to Afrikaans in advanced Alzeimers. But this is not what we are talking about here with CountessF and OH, I am quite sure.

It is very possible to be very confident in a language on everyday basis, but not be sure in a very specialised environment (like a hospital, with specialists).

Re care homes abroad, if people have dementia and the local language is not their mother tongue, it’s not at all unknown for people to lose the knowledge of their 2nd language, even if they’d been reasonably fluent.

The memory has been likened to a stack of bookshelves. As dementia progresses, memories are gradually (or fairly quickly, according to how the disease progresses) swept away, starting with the ‘top shelf’, i.e. the newest. And that includes the memory’s language skills.

I’ve heard of this happening with elderly Asian people in the U.K., who had forgotten their formerly very good, or perfectly adequate English, and could understand only their mother tongue.

True Hithere another good point.

Urmatongran
Also employment is usually located in urban areas, not rural ones

Joseanne

I read it fine Fleurpepper thanks, but I tried to relate it to the OP's circumstances. When we were 30, 40 or even 50, living abroad, health issues never even crossed our minds, (luckily we hardly ever needed to see a doctor). Roll on into your near 80s which the OPs are I can imagine feeling far less comfortable, confident and even perhaps scared to be abroad facing ill health and having to discuss specialist medical terms in a foreign tongue.

Joseanne, but very different to this (your words)

''I have a friend who is scared stiff about her DH having to go into a retirement home as he won't understand a thing they say'

which I am quite sure is not the case for CountessF.

Brittany is very much the same pascal30. Lots of elderly Brits who bought large ish rural houses with big gardens they could never hope to afford in the UK. Now they want to sell up and return but can't shift their properties to French people.

A perceptive observation Josanne.

It’s the same here in southern Spain. “Brits abroad” buy a spacious dwelling ‘up in the campo’. More space for your money. However. All is fine until they age, when the huge garden becomes too much, the car journeys down the dirt roads get too arduous and tricky to get to the supermacado and the farmacie.

A young waiter said to us a couple of days ago “that life (for the Spanish) does not appeal to the young any more. My parents kept goats up there, bees and grew vegetables. Not a life for me or my friends. We have the internet now, good transport. Our wishes are different”.

Ex pats are fine ‘up there’ with their beautiful view.
Until they aren’t.
And sadly the market has shrunk. The young do not want to buy a finca and ‘look down’ at the Mediterranean. They want to BE in the towns and cities. Where there are tapas bars, cinemas and busyness. The internet and social media has played a great part in this perception.

halfpint1

There are some good care homes in the UK with caring staff.
I know. My relative is in one. She smelt just fine last time I saw her.

I found a place for her near me in a residential home
Residential homes do not generally take dementia patients in the UK as people with dementia need a higher level of care.
It's best to investigate several places before choosing one, rather than leave it to Social Services. Our family found that more than once.

Probably it was better that your mother was nearer to you, too, if you are in France, rather than left without family here in the UK for your own peace of mind.