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Wish there was a rant forum!!

(72 Posts)
Namsnanny Wed 26-Oct-22 17:59:47

I'm tired and fed up so please feel free to switch over now if a moaning mini is going to get your goat grin

I cant stand for very long (back and knee) or hold heavy things like a kettle or saucepan.
My H suffers with dyspraxia (among other things). So we try to do the chores etc. between us. After a fashion.

His dyspraxia, means he drops items or bumps into things, or trips over stuff etc., with regularity.
So I'm constantly going around preempting an accident by picking things off the floor, or putting things away as he leaves anything where ever.

But curiously in very precarious places. Such as china or glass on the edge of work surfaces, and shelves. It's common for a mug to fall out of a cupboard when the door is opened. The times I've caught a glass because he has misjudged the work surface and placed it only just on it.
Or he leaves his tools on the edge of the steps outside.
Then trips up and cuts him self on them.

I buy china mugs one week and glasses the next. To replace breakages. The same with plates.
I have bought tin mugs and plastic glasses, but neither of us likes using them.

Not a day goes by without he hasn't broken something.
Or hurt himself.

Jars of sauce, jam, all kinds, accidentally dropped on the floor. Yoghurt, milk, orange juice constantly sloshed over the fridge. Sometimes resulting in one of us slipping on the wet patch.
In a normal house things happen. This is everyday. Sometimes more than once.
It's so wearing.

If he tries to clean it up himself, his dyspraxia means he just drops and breaks other things, making it all more difficult.
So, it's easier if I do it.
But only if he tells me about it. He has a habit of 'leaving it till later' resulting in the afore mentioned slip!

I had nightmares when the children were young, and he was the cause of many an accident. Thankfully not serious.
But I think he maybe worse now.

Until you have lived with someone like this, who lives in their own world and isn't even able to see the outcome of their actions.
It's impossible to really explain.
I'm exhausted trying to prevent things from getting out of control.

And he does hurt himself constantly.

He hit the jackpot a couple of weeks ago. He fell when pulling the curtains, into a piece of expensive antique furniture. Hurting himself quite badly and breaking the furniture beyond repair.
It was such a worry. He was bleeding badly. I had to take him to A & E which was such a palava.
Just getting shoes on the two of us, was hard enough.
Let alone wrapping him up so he didnt bleed to death on the way.
I couldn't phone for an ambulance as he had used the land line in the garden and lost it. Which is normal for him.
He then ran the mobile (we share) battery down. So it was inoperable.

I got to hospital, but had to help him into A&E, so I dumped the car in a disabled bay because it was the closest empty spot.
By now he was covered in blood. His shirt was running with it.
I was so afraid he would faint and I wouldn't be able to get him inside in time.

Having got him some attention, I went back to the car and moved it to the next available space. Which was a good 15 min walk away.
It was pouring with rain and my shoes hurt so I took them off to enable me to walk better.
Anyway we spent a good 12 hours waiting for plastic surgeon, xray, etc., etc., Eventually he was stitched up and we were sent home.
Thankfully although it was a bad cut through an artery in his arm, it seems to be healing quite well.

The house is another matter. As I said he damaged an artery when he fell and blood was everywhere. I've never seen so much. It look like a horror film.
I said to H today his timing was good, if he'd had the same accident this week, people would have thought it was a Halloween prankgrin

I think the curtains are ruined. Possibly the chair nearby as well.
I spent 4 hours (crying all the while with exhaustion - what a sight I was. Snotty, bleary, still bloody and feeling sorry for myselfblush), when we came home from A&E cleaning up the floor and walls that were splashed. It's still visible in places after a few cleans.

By the way I now have a parking ticket. But I suppose thats the least of it.

I'm (we're) getting too tired to cope well with all these situations.
The stress of trying to prevent any accidents is getting quite unbearable.

The only way to prevent accidents is to be orderly. Clear floors, worksurfaces, stairs etc.
Have things that work and dont require make do and mend.

But at the present time some of the things that make everyday life problematic are

1) The sink is broken. So washing up involves filling a plastic bowl then emptying it elsewhere.
We have been waiting (2 weeks) for the plumber.
I'm washing up the easy things in a dribble of water, so as not to have a full heavy bowl to empty.

2) The expensive tap we had installed to save me from lifting a kettle has packed up for the 2nd time

3)The microwave only stays on for a 30second blitz. So it's almost impossible to live off ready meals.

4) The glass hob doesnt respond to pressing the mark which turns it on, every time.
But came on last night after my H left a plastic tray on it (why?)
The smell of burnt plastic is awful, even with the doors open all day today.
Not withstanding what could have happened.

I've never managed to get through to H about not putting things on the hob when it's supposed to be off.
So I will have to remember to check it before bed or the house will burn down next time.

Well, I'll sign off from whinging for now, because writing all this down has actually cheered me up a bit smile
A problem shared etc...
Thanks for the chance to spill the beans... (Oh no thats what were having to eat tonight, I'd better not tempt fate or knowing my H's luck, they will explode all over the inside of the microwave grin)

MissAdventure Wed 26-Oct-22 22:41:08

You can get a perching seat for the kitchen, so you can pop your bum down when you can't stand anymore.
Something to put the kettle in, that supports it's weight, as you tip it up.

Or a hot water dispenser, that does just enough for each cup and doesnt need lifting at all.

Nannagarra Wed 26-Oct-22 22:24:48

I was going to suggest melamine but wasn’t sure how it would be received. It looks good, is lightweight, washes well and will help you to control the breakages.

Namsnanny Wed 26-Oct-22 22:24:27

Grayling1... I've looked up the website you mentioned and have found a few things that might help.
So Thank you very much for your post smile

Zoejory Wed 26-Oct-22 22:22:56

Poor you, it sounds quite exhausting. Hopefully you'll get good advice and can revert to some semblance of normality. Paper plates sound like a good idea!

Totally off the subject but have you ever thought of writing short stories? You have a way with words ?

Lizy Wed 26-Oct-22 22:19:15

Often alongside one neuro-diversity such as dyspraxia is another such as ADHD. Would it be possible for him to get assessed, or at least to join the waiting list for one? If he has ADHD too he may benefit from medication that can only be prescribed by a psychiatrist.

MissAdventure Wed 26-Oct-22 22:15:47

It's quite hard to tell them apart, these day.

You can get really good non glass glasses, too.

Grannynannywanny Wed 26-Oct-22 22:13:54

Namsnanny I’ve noticed recently that the main supermarkets are selling melamine unbreakable dishes at a reduced price. Presumably as they were marketed for picnic/garden use and the season is over.

I’ve attached a photo of the range they have in Asda. They look nice and there are plates, cups, cereal bowls etc in the range. Not much help for spillages but it would reduce the breakages.

MissAdventure Wed 26-Oct-22 22:13:06

I second what someone else said, about introducing some health and safety rules, as a first step.

They can make a huge difference to life and make it that much more manageable.

pandapatch Wed 26-Oct-22 22:12:20

Goodness me, no wonder you are tired and fed up!!
Do you know about the Dyspraxia Foundation?

dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/advice/daily-living/

My friend finds them very supportive

Grammaretto Wed 26-Oct-22 21:59:55

I just want to add my good wishes for a happy outcome.
I feel you must get help.
Maybe copy and paste your message here to someone who can really help you? A doctor, social services. I don't know who best but I dont think it is an acceptable existence for either of you.
As for the breakages - yes definitely get some unbreakable cups and hide any antiques or sell them.
A friend of mine has just sold an antique sideboard for several thousand pounds. Enough to pay for her heating bill.

Let us know how you get on.

Namsnanny Wed 26-Oct-22 21:58:14

Deedaa...you've raised a very good point about both of us becoming injured, which I hadn't really thought much of.

Oh Goodness, I really didn't think I'd have to negotiate these problems until another few years had passed.

But we just can't tell what is around the corner can we?

Grannynannywanny Wed 26-Oct-22 21:57:57

Grannynannywanny Thanks for your caring post. Shall we both put our feet up and have a cuppa?

Namsnanny I sincerely hope you are able to find some help. Your situation sounds overwhelming. ☕️ ?
( but the more I think of your predicament I think I might need ?! )

Nannagarra Wed 26-Oct-22 21:56:09

Your struggle is more than with your DH. Ensure you have a good night’s sleep, employ the advice given here and tomorrow seek professional help. You’ll then be in a stronger position to speak to your DD.
In the meantime keep talking here.

BlueBelle Wed 26-Oct-22 21:55:59

namsnanny as you are namsnanny I m guessing you have children are they near enough to give you a hand just to rearrange things to a more manageable level Do ask they will be mortified if they find out you are struggling and not letting them help
Picnic plates are much firmer than paper plates and you can get some really pretty unbreakable ones Same with cups you may not want to change from China but how much better to bounce than break
Please get some outside help no one will judge you but just help and maybe once there’s some help in place you will have more energy to do the little things that seem so big at the moment
Can’t help feeling a bit sorry for your husband too he must feel concerned that his bumbling and falling is getting worse too even if he laughs it off

Theexwife Wed 26-Oct-22 21:51:42

You do have a difficult life, you must be one tough lady to cope as you do.

Don’t worry about your house being in a muddle, most people are kind and understanding and will not judge you so get some help, you need a rest from the practical jobs.

Sending you a hug.

Namsnanny Wed 26-Oct-22 21:45:57

Grannynannywanny Thanks for your caring post. Shall we both put our feet up and have a cuppa? grin

Namsnanny Wed 26-Oct-22 21:43:00

silverlinings48 very good advice about trying to put a claim in against the ticket. With regards to family helping, I will ask my daughter to help with that.
The thing is, I don't like to bother her too much, as she will be moving away from us soon. So I don't want her to feel pressured by our situation.
I've not even told her about the A&E visit.blush
We've 'lost' one Adult child and grandchildren to estrangement and I find myself terrified of doing the wrong thing.
So tend to keep shtum!

CanadianGran Wed 26-Oct-22 21:42:25

It does sound like your husband needs a health assessment. A physiotherapist may also recommend some therapies for balance if he is getting worse.

It also sounds like he is working against himself and you, by leaving items in places where they could fall or be tripped over. Maybe it's time for some new rules; for instance having his tea or coffee only sitting at the table, and leaving the mug on a colourful tray that you would pick up. If he is dropping things from the fridge, maybe suggest you can start making his snacks, or have one area set aside just for him, and have plastic containers with his food.

Small things can make a difference. It sounds like you had a horrible day. I hope things improve a bit for you.

Nannagarra Wed 26-Oct-22 21:42:08

You sound understandably tired and overwhelmed, your stamina and patience tested to the full.
Seek help and try and have a break, even if it’s for a short time. Thinking of you.
?

Namsnanny Wed 26-Oct-22 21:29:15

Urmstonegran Thank you so much for your kind kind post.
To be honest I'm finding it quite overwhelming how kind and understanding everyone has been.

Namsnanny Wed 26-Oct-22 21:26:51

Baggs Thank you for the flowers.
I know what you mean when you say you wish you could send a helping hand.
The thought is enough though.

Namsnanny Wed 26-Oct-22 21:21:38

crazyH Thanks for the hugs, virtual or otherwise I'm very grateful.
I'm not sure love is the word I would use to describe my feelings for him at this moment..... he's just dropped his second mug of the day, which of course has broken.
"Not an important one" he said smiling

To be honest, I'm a complete pain in the @rse to live with, so I guess it's even stevens gringringrin

Namsnanny Wed 26-Oct-22 21:09:54

nadateturbe Thank you for your post smile
Funnily I was always told I was good in a crisis. hmm
But it's now a few weeks later that I'm really feeling it. Having to re think things and trying to find the energy to do something about it all.

Grayling1 Wed 26-Oct-22 21:03:02

My late DH began having problems similar to what you describe and it really upset him so I reached out for all the help I could get. Reading your post has made me remember I the information and appliances I was given from Sight Action Scotland and that best of all was a roll of very sticky adhesive material. I'm not good at describing things but I looked out part of a roll that was left and if you look at "www.dycem.com" you will see what I mean. I really worked on the shelves in the kitchen. I'm glad you were able to open up to Gransnetters as they can can be so supportive.

Namsnanny Wed 26-Oct-22 20:56:06

Grandmabatty flowers Thanks the rant did help smile