Self care and self neglect

Got a bit carried away there, what I meant to say was: who lobs a pile of already dry of duvet covers, jeans, teeshirts etc into the drier with a clean wet sock or flannel? I wouldn't do it to a wedding outfit, but for every day it's a help

Bridgie

Well. I've got to take my ancient mother to a hospital appointment this afternoon. Now the hospital have phoned to say they'd like my chronically sick husband there at midday.. the district nurse has only this minute left. I've spent the morning clearing up for her arrival, and also mopping up a flood in the bathroom, contacting the plumber, feeding cats etc.. ironing??! Hah! ((Did I mention the hospital is a 70 mins round trip? Twice!) Obviously the DH never does any housework. AND my hair is thin! But then, it always was. This too will pass. . .

Thanks for helping Fanny. I thought there must be some way of doing it. Much appreciated - I’ll try it.

Hello Lyn, click on the three little squares on one of Rillas posts. You will have the option to pm her from there.
Alternatively you can click on your inbox and do it that way.
You will get an email when you receive a reply.
Some people’s ‘bell’ shakes when they have a pm, but mine doesn’t

Rilla, thanks for answering. Lovely to find another AGG fan. Is there anyway I can personally message you as don’t want to hijack this thread? What country are you in?

Saying no can be very difficult especially if it involves emotional blackmail in any way. I have experience of this.

As far as ironing is concerned I really enjoy it. I like to look after my clothes as I value them after a childhood going to jumble sales and only choosing clothes from a catalogue. A trip to the shops was a real treat to buy something new.

ileea

I am getting better at self-care. I get up at least a half-hour before everyone else so I can have my coffee in peace and read the finnies in our local paper. I also have been getting gel manicures every 6 weeks or so. Only took me 40 years to get back into the habit of doing things for myself. Also learning to say no was a big one. I still do alot, but the guilt isn't thete if I have to say no.

Saying no! That's another big one

nancynunu

hi Kate self care is related to our ego -our sense of self if we feel we are failing to care for ourself can relate to difficulties in childhood where our needs were not met -this can lead us to believe our needs are not important and result in us learning to put ourself last because we feel we are not deserving . this pattern of behaviour will continue until we face it head on which can be very frightening . Sometimes counselling can help and support you to challenge these beliefs but the most difficult part is asking for the help.

Yes sadly

Growing up with people who unfairly tell you who you are also leads to many issues

I am getting better at self-care. I get up at least a half-hour before everyone else so I can have my coffee in peace and read the finnies in our local paper. I also have been getting gel manicures every 6 weeks or so. Only took me 40 years to get back into the habit of doing things for myself. Also learning to say no was a big one. I still do alot, but the guilt isn't thete if I have to say no.

hi Kate self care is related to our ego -our sense of self if we feel we are failing to care for ourself can relate to difficulties in childhood where our needs were not met -this can lead us to believe our needs are not important and result in us learning to put ourself last because we feel we are not deserving . this pattern of behaviour will continue until we face it head on which can be very frightening . Sometimes counselling can help and support you to challenge these beliefs but the most difficult part is asking for the help.

Hi LynW
I love AGG, have the whole series and read and reread them. I was introduced to them by my mum who passed her series onto me. So few people know them nowadays.

I love ironing and enjoy the whole laundry process, making everything look as good as new. I also polish my shoes and boots, sew on loose buttons and dress with care. I matter as much as anyone but I do know what you mean, VioletSky. Put yourself first most if not all the time. You will feel so much better!

I always look to the future.I come from a long lived family. I am 79 and my DF's youngest sister is still going strong at 95 and more and more people are reaching that age.

I intend to die with a new 5 year plan about to be started.

Those look ideal sparkynan thank you.

I feel for you, but why not try a wig? Celebrities use them constantly and no one thinks anything of it so hopefully you would feel better?

Hamster58 wigs are very uncomfortable to wear for more than a couple of hours because they make your head very hot and itchy plus they rub the scalp and cause irritation and friction. If your hair is fine and fragile wigs can cause even more damage to it.

RillaofIngleside - are you an A of G G fan? Read this book during lockdown. Just finished Rainbow Valley which I spotted in the library. Apologies for altering the course of this thread. Is it possible to personally message someone on Gransnet? Was just intrigued by your name.

Oh yes and I haven’t ironed anything for decades!!

Kate1949, I feel for you, but why not try a wig? Celebrities use them constantly and no one thinks anything of it so hopefully you would feel better?

Dcba - that sounds wonderful - for YOU, and is the sort of self care I worry myself is what I should aim at - but I have various ills and that sort of self care would be ‘torture’ to me. I love reading, watching films, TV, and have just joined a Scrabble club with the U3a, run an online club related to my work, and play Wordle once a day with my grown up sons in London & Japan … etc, etc, . I’m in South Wales. I also work part time from home . I’m 76!
I hate housework and do that only when necessary. I take care of myself, don’t smell or look untidy, but I have never showered everyday as some people think necessary. (And now with energy bills it’ll be even less - currently washing in cold water as I’ve turned the Gas CH off - can’t afford it!) I did enough chores to last me a lifetime with 2 sons and demanding Ex-husbands - yes in the plural - I now think my time and MY self care is to be somewhat selfish and do what I want!

M0nica

I confess that I have always had several outside interests and hobbies that I have followed before my marriage and since, I did this through child having and rearing. I have never thought of it in terms of self care or self neglect or even thought about it at all .

My approach to life has always been to stuff as much into it as possible can. I liked looking after my home and family, although I greeted every sign of independence in my children with relief, I had a job and career I enjoyed and outside interests, DH and I were always determined that we should have more in our lives than just home and work and ensured each other did.

I think this idea of the perfect woman being the one who makes the biggest martyr of herself is absorbed into people by how they were brought up. Fortunately I have three generations of women behind me who by circumstances or conditioning brought their daughters up to be self sufficient and assuming that they could live as independently as their DH's, and were either widowed or had DH's who were quite happy with this.

This

I was wondering that too - if you have a medical issue that requires regular monthly appointments - good, but if not it’s hard enough to get an appointment for an urgent issue, but for general well-being ? That would be impossible here?

ILOKNZI Aluminium Long Handle Toenail Clippers with Magnifying Glass Helps Obese, Elderly, Pregnant Women Without Bending Down to Cut Toenails (with Magnifying Glass, 60CM/23.6")

from Amazon

Does anyone have any tips on cutting your toe nails? I can no longer bend down to do my own and I certainly can't stand on one leg to do them! I can't afford to go to a chiropodist to have it done and it's something that doesn't seem to ve available on the NHS any more.

During lockdown I watched a YouTube video that showed you how to cut your own hair and it worked reasonably well. You gathered it all up at the front and twisted it into a sort of a pony tail and then trimmed the straggly ends to neaten them. If you're on your own it's the best you can do sometimes lol!