Saying sorry

Blossoming

I accept them, but I still have a mental reservation. Trust is not always regained.

This, in a nutshell. All very well to say it, but prove you mean it...

But there are situations where the damage is so great you cannot accept whichever version you get that's very true Wyllow; sad but true.

Sorry is an empty word by itself

Team dh

Sometimes people are not "sorry", they are sorry they got caught!

Sorry in it's proper place, genuinely meant and accompanied by a change of behaviour, can work. I doubt it many of us would still be married if it were not so.

NotSpaghetti

I am happy to say sorry if I've done wrong in some way - obviously it can be a bit hard to do sometimes but I feel it's a necessary part of growing and learning.

Maybe because of this I'm always happy to accept apologies.
If they sound a bit "thin" I do tend to say how upset/dissapointed/hurt I was according to the situation but I also like to give people a "get out" - so I may say "I know it probably wasn't your intention and I know you won't do it again" or similar.

I think being able to say sorry is very important. After all, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes.
If we make it too hard for people to apologise, there will be no change and everyone loses.

I think this a very good comment.We all make mistakes and are human after all. Giving and receiving an apology oils the wheels of society and should be accepted graciously not grudgingly and given in the same manner.

OnwardandUpward

Sometimes people are not "sorry", they are sorry they got caught!

Sorry in it's proper place, genuinely meant and accompanied by a change of behaviour, can work. I doubt it many of us would still be married if it were not so.

And its in marriages and close loved ones where it perhaps matters most!

My sister never says sorry. She can be verbally abusive quite often, especially when her adult son upsets her. I am not sure whether to continue seeing her as I am in poor health and the stress I get from her is enormous. I can only sleep alright if I havent answered the phone to her late at night

Wyllow3 so true!

User7777 I used to have a landline, but now I have set my "bedtime" to 9pm on my mobile, it does not ring after that, meaning that Im not available for late night chats with any one and can relax. Wish Id done it years ago! So sorry about your sister. She sounds awful. I have toxic family members too who Im low contact with.

Thanks for all your comments. Good debate

I never made my kids say sorry. They knew they should but it was a change of behaviour I wanted to see not making them say sorry. At my grandson’s school he is relentlessly bullied by one child and the school seems to think that making that child write a letter full of lies and excuses (on a regular basis) is fine so long as he says he is sorry in it. The bully is made to say sorry too if he is seen bullying then afterwards says he will get my grandson back for complaining.
I see sorry as an empty word unless the person shows sincerity.

I don't like people being asked to say sorry. If they are genuinely sorry then fair enough but is doesn't really change much

JaneJudge

it depends whether it is sincere
I dislike the new 'sorry you feel that way' stuff as it isn't an apology at all

I agree! I’ve had an apology which basically said ‘I’m sad you are upset with me’ - not sorry at all! I didn’t see any need to accept that one!

Being sorry about our actions towards one or other is very different to saying sorry.
I never dismiss an apology. I simply acknowledge that yes the action upset me, thank them for it and then move away leaving them to think about what they said or did. Even on really big issues. It leaves both time to reflect and avoids any knee jerk comments leading to even more issues.

Not sure if I agree about "sorry you if you feel that way" and "sorry if I upset you".
It seems possible to be sorry if your actions or words upset someone, but to still standby those actions or words if they are still what you believe.

He’s right ….just a word. Had years of it ….husband saying sorry…. but if you don’t change the behaviour…sorry IS just a word!

There have been a fair amount of errant politicians saying 'sorry'. Apologising basically for having been caught out. In contrast, a genuine apology is fine by me.

Treading on peoples feet is very satisfying!! Oh dear! I think you need to get out more!

It depends on how it's said and in what context.

There are plenty of people who say sorry and then go and do the same thing again. Many times over.

Abusive partners and self-obsessed prime ministers spring immediately to mind. Naming no names.

I'm sorry if I hurt feelings and I say so. Just words used to express what I feel at causing upset. I say 'sorry' often.

Just this morning I tipped a bit of coffee on my husband, accidentally, I was sorry and it could happen again - no harm to saying 'sorry'.

Daugher2 called, I didn't hear the phone, was sorry she had to waste her time on a message and calling again. No problem to say 'sorry'.

Part of life, imo, is being sorry for imperfect actions.

"The Bible definitely promotes and includes confession (to God and others), repentance, seeking forgiveness, and making peace."

As my mum used to say, "do as you would be done by".

One of the tricky things is if someone tells you they have been very hurt by you, (and you can see they are genuinely hurt, but also feel they have greatly overreacted, after great examining you conscience): for me its then dependent on the situation and the person. If its someone vulnerable, I can quite geuninely say I'm sorry: it costs little: however if it is someone very manipulative, but close, it's a real dilemma. Best options to be able to discuss the situation, but not always possible.

My mother always said that she would apologise for anything to anyone, consequently we never took her apologies seriously as we thought it was just lip service, whether she meant it or not.

My late DH used to say I never said sorry to him after an argument or whatever - wish I had now.

Saying "sorry!" sometimes is an irritating verbal tick .

The only sort of "Sorry" that matters is the one that is followed by contrite action.

If I said sorry to my parents I was always asked what I was going to do to make "it" better. Accepting the verbal Sorry from some is fine, from others, worthless.

User7777

My sister never says sorry. She can be verbally abusive quite often, especially when her adult son upsets her. I am not sure whether to continue seeing her as I am in poor health and the stress I get from her is enormous. I can only sleep alright if I havent answered the phone to her late at night

Thank you for posting your response as it really chimes with advice I was given by someone in the know. They advised me to put down strong boundaries with difficult people and only to accept them on my terms. We have been brought up to be responsible and co-operative but sometimes we need to put ourselves and our health first, especially as we get older.