Venting

Couldn’t scroll past vampirequeen I think your assumption that your DH is grieving for the mother he wanted not the one he had is correct (hugs)

'He is grieving for the mother he should have had as a little child' You are spot on. The life he could have had growing up, missed opportunities etc and it's good that you can support him in this. Poor man. Vent away.

Vent away. I completely understand what he's going through. I was the same with my mother. I think that in those circumstances, you are grieving for the mother you wish you had had...

Yes, I think you are right, vampirequeen and your DH’s emotions will be all over the place. He has you to support him, of course, but here is a safe place for you to come and vent as much as you need to, and have a little support for yourself. I send both of you a big hug 💐

vq. I'm sorry for you poor husband. My father was a violent, abusive, selfish man who gave us children a terrible time. My siblings and me looked out for him when he was older and when he died, I cried my eyes out. I have no idea why.

You're right vampirequeen he's grieving for the mother that he never had. Although she was probably never going to change and never be the mum she should have been, she's gone now so never will be.

for you both. For your DH's grief and for the love and support you're giving him.

How very sad, but how lucky he is to have you

I echo all the posts above.
You are both lucky to have each other.
I hope he gets to a place of peace very soon.

More for you both. You are the one he needs and he will eventually realise that he is now free of his horrible parents. Somebody quite close to me had parents who let their children down badly and feels relived to be free now. I hope your DH gets to that stage very soon. Stay strong, dear vampirequeen.

Your fourth paragraph says it all vampirequeen your DH is grieving for the mother he never had and what might have been. If she's 'done a number' on him then it's even possible that he may blame himself for the situation.

I hope that things get better, they certainly should do without the poison that she spread. I hope also that his siblings are understanding.

Your dh may consider grief therapy

Vent away!

So agree with the all the comments. My late DH had an awful childhood, a violent abusive father and an inadequate mother who was unable to look after or protect the children . When they died he was totally floored and grief stricken. DH and his 7 siblings were so scarred even as adults all had or have mental health problems. I refused to attend my FiL’s funeral, my MiL had already died and I wanted nothing to do with him.

You're right vampirequeen he's grieving for the mother that he never had
For all the love he never had and for all the times he wondered why it was just him. It was never ever his fault.



Thank goodness he has you so that he can let it all out.

Can't add anything to what has been said.
stay strong and continue to love and support each other vampirequeen

This resonated as my late MIL was an awful parent to my DH. I am convinced it contributed to his poor mental health which has plagued him all his life. He too cried when she died and I suspect it was for the sane reason you mention

jenpax

This resonated as my late MIL was an awful parent to my DH. I am convinced it contributed to his poor mental health which has plagued him all his life. He too cried when she died and I suspect it was for the sane reason you mention

It might be a release too.

All those pent-up emotions coming out.

One of my parents has never loved me, in fact I don't think I was even liked and even though I know it isn't/wasn't my fault I still feel angry and upset occasionally. Your poor husband is now going to have to listen about what a wonderful woman/Mother she was because she had more successfully abusive relationships with other people. It is going to be traumatic for him. This how abuse works. He still is taking some of the blame even though he was good and she was bad (very bad by the sounds of it) I'm sorry

I hope that your husband can soon find peace VQ,I too agree that he is mourning the mother he never had,not the one he did,that unloved little boy is crying now,hold him and support him and GN will support you when you need it

I hope you find support on here VPQ, some of these comments have brought a tear to my eye, especially downtoearth. Vent away, you and your DH still have the horrors of the funeral to face. Although men are sometimes harder to convince, maybe suggest counselling

Thanks for all your support. It's so sad that abusive parenting has blighted so many lives. DH boxes away things in his mind and this has now been boxed. I don't know what will happen at the funeral though. I fear it will leak out. I know his siblings are writing a eulogy that that talks about what a wonderful person she was. They're an emotional lot (not DH) at the best of times so I'm guessing there'll be a competition for who can grieve the best. It will be a cacophony of weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. Then they'll all decamp to the pub where grief will be used as an excuse for excessive drinking.