Do some of you share this thought about the future?

I am thankful for my lovely warm home in the midst of the most beautiful countryside in the world. I am thankful for so many lovely friends. I am thankful for my wonderful family who are always there for me. I am thankful for music - for all the singing I am involved in. I am thankful to have purposeful roles in my community.

I am sad that I lost my OH 2 years ago, but that does not mean there is nothing left to be thankful for.

Like other GNs here, I'm thankful for so many things. As regards widowhood, yes I have thought about it. I've told Mr 1968 that I hope to outlive him - simply because I think I'd cope better in widowhood than he would... Although I know I'd be beside myself with grief.

Having been made a widow at 38 yrs old and left with two small children just days before Christmas, plus other close family losses I always feel prepared for the worst but remind myself to enjoy the best of life. I feel I can cope with most things now as long as they don’t happen to my children or DGCh.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The thought of losing my husband often haunts me. I wake up in the morning so glad to hear him breathing next to me. Old age has taken us in different ways, I have to keep my eye on him as his memory is poor and he can be too focused but my physical health is not good, and he takes all the bending and lifting off me. I can absolutely rely on him when I ask "... can you help me?" We have been married 57 years and cannot imagine life without him, he is such a good friend!

So glad that I've recently returned to Gransnet. What a bunch of lovely messages on this poignant thread - very helpful to some of my sisters (large family!) who have gone through the above sad times. Desperately unhappy siblings.

Thanks and good luck and happier times to today's contributors.

My greatest fear is losing my health and independence. There is always the lurking fear of cancers which run in my family and the spectre of dementia from which my father died and the total devastation that causes both to the individual and the family. I try to keep myself well and reasonably fit, being aware of the markers that can lead to vascular dementia and which certainly were there in my father but were ignored by him as well as by the medics. I was diagnosed with aortic stenosis some years ago and have ongoing bowel and stomach problems. I do my best to deal with them but sometimes I do feel overwhelmed, particularly as I am on my own now after a traumatic divorce and don’t want to burden my children with my fears. I WILL keep on keeping on though and try to smile while I’m doing it! There! feel better for writing this!

My very fit and healthy husband died of advanced prostate cancer at the end of April it was a short 8 month illness so I'm grateful I don't have too many horrible memories of his illness he was 76. We were second marriages but together for 32 years. 15 years ago we sold our family home and rented on the coast and spent long spells during the winter in Spain we travelled and had a fabulous life. But now I'm on my own and constantly anxious about my rental property rent increases. I really need the security of my own home or an assured rental. I would now find it very difficult to buy anything but have too much savings for any help. If I'd known what would happen being alone at 66 years I would not have sold our home.

i will have been widowed for 20 years on the 28th november, i was 39, i still miss him and think of him, i did have a companion for 18 years until i lost him a year ago, he had also been widowed, we became best friends but not lovers, we often spoke of our partners, one of the last things i said to him was...its time to go back to your wife and when i get there we will have a double date. i am grateful for the time i had with both of them, 18 years each, i am also grateful for surviving cancer twice in 4 years, i may have to take a multitude of pills and painkillers and i am not in the greatest of health....but i am grateful i am still here.

I'm divorced and have no children so I worry a lot about how I would cope if I was ill. I have an older sister who never married, but if anything happened to her I'll be on my own, no family left. I've friends, but they have grandchildren now and they are busy with them, I rarely see my closest friend anymore as she's always to busy.
It's really lovely to hear how many of you have great relationships after many years together. 💞

I know that someday either Mr B or myself will be on our own, we talk about it but we don’t dwell on it. I dread being on my own but know I would manage, the greatest heart ache was losing my daughter this year, that shouldn’t have happened.

Barmeyoldbat,

I am so sorry to read you have lost your daughter. What a blow.

I lost my husband in 2009 and have never stopped tears coming to my eyes daily. The silliest things make me long to still have him with me. I have three children who are close to me and once I was 87 I knew that living alone in London was no longer a happy experience. My other half did so much. He cooked, did most of the shopping, looked after our finances and all I did was the housework, enjoying life and planning holidays. We mainly went on cruises and lots of international rail journeys with 4 friends we met on our first cruise.
I now rent out my London flat and live with my younger son in the Caribbean as he never married and has a roomy house. I adopted 2 old dogs when a friend died and they keep me busy and fill my life. My other two children are flying in to spend Christmas with us. Elder son lives in Australia so it is a long journey. Daughter lives in UK. We will really enjoy our time together and I know they will be thinking about their father but I will make sure they see no tears from me as it will upset them. Happy marriage is indeed a blessing and I know I was lucky. At 88 I am hoping to be the first member of my family to reach 90 and still reasonably OK. Gransnetters seem very well adjusted women who deal well with life. I enjoyed reading of everyone’s experiences so thank you all.

DH died of metastatic prostate cancer last year, the last year of his life was awful with horrendous pain but I was still not prepared for his death which came suddenly in the end.
I felt as if I had been kicked in the head. I will never come to terms with losing him, my life only began after I married him.

My biggest worry is my younger sister. She has been such a support to me since loosing my husband last year. We do lots together, see each other every Saturday and days when she is not working. We are going on a long weekend break next year and if i need help with anything she is there for me. I worry that i when i die she wont have anyone to support her in the same way, our younger brother died in 2018 and it was a terrible shock to both of us, we have kind of clung to each other ever since.She has a daughter but she doesnt live locally. When i go she'll have no siblings left.
I also worry bout my daughter. She is alone, works so hard, two jobs, no children and i fear for her as she grows older. Yes she has three brothers and their families but it isnt like having a partner or spouse.

Yes, I worry about losing Mr. S. We're estranged from our youngest son and DS lives in Aus. We have family and good friends but are heavily reliant on one another.

It had never really struck me until Covid, when I became very fearful of one us being left behind when the other died. I know he worries about it too.

I worry about Mr L each and every day when he goes out on his bike and get anxious if he's later home than expected. He has no idea about my anxiety about this as I want him to enjoy his rides.

I am grateful each and every time I hear the bike bell ring as he turns into the front drive.
I am so grateful for our relatively comfortable life, for our companionship, our health and family and friends.
Mr L's dad died at 52 with heart issues so we were relieved when that milestone was passed, but we do keep tabs on his blood pressure.

Biglouis. I used to think exactly the same thing. Independence and freedom were everything to me but now I've lost my mobility I am so glad I have my husband to help me and he's happy to help.

My DH was a military pilot and then an airline pilot. My greatest fear was losing him in a crash. He retired at 60 and died at 64 of a rare form of cancer proving that wasting time on fear is useless. Life is random and all our fear and worry can’t change a whit of it. I’m 81 now and my greatest gift is I enjoy life and living alone.

I arrived at widowhood this summer, DH had been so very ill and endured so much without complaint and then he died during an operation that we both thought would give him a new lease of life. DH was really looking forward to the op in the hopes of some semblance of a normal life again but not to be. Every day now is an endurance test just more hours to get through before back to bed and a good cry. I find myself shedding tears at the silliest of things and not a day has passed without them. If anybody has any advice to offer about how to cope living alone after half a century with my dear DH then I would be grateful.

I am moved by the love, the courage, and the pain of some gransnetters, in this thread and am encouraged by those who have found a way to move ahead with life in the face of loss. I feel too for people who are living with illness, are on their own and finding it hard. I'm grateful for these posts - and if (or when?) am widowed I will try to draw on what I've read here.
It's good that GN can spread kindness and wisdom.

I lost my wonderful husband in June this year, it was a very short illness, we tried to make the best of the time we had left but he was so exhausted it was very difficult. We were together almost 50 years, he was 75 and I am 66. I think I miss him more every day and am dreading Christmas/special occasions etc but what can you do. I am so lucky that I have a wonderful daughter, two lovely grandchildren and lots of family and friends. I spend each day longing for him to come back and still cannot believe he has gone. I am trying to keep busy and find new interests and am so hoping that in time I will be able to smile at the wonderful memories I have of our life together. One thing I will say is that I would rather feel this pain now than to never have known him. I’m sending hugs to everyone who has lost someone special, xxx

There is support for you granto2 - you may know about Cruse which supports people in loss and grief. You can google it but here is a link I have copied. Please reach out for support - you do not have to do this alone.
www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/

I am with you, granto2, painful though it is to live without the man who was the centre of my life for over 60 years, it would have been much less good without him. I try to be grateful for “all the many blessings of this life” but some days I can’t be. Finding a new role in life at 80 is not easy but I keep trying.

I lost my husband just over 6 years ago. My 5 children have been wonderfully supportive, but the 4th one, my eldest son, has been battling lung cancer for 4 years, and it`s now looking as if it`s terminal. I dread him dying, it shouldn`t be this way round.