What would you say if your husband told you to stop squawking?

How very very rude. Tell him to stop squatting and move out!

paddyann54 Well said!

M0nica

I am just as likely as DH to use an anodyne irritant word like 'squawking'. Nothing to do with control, all to do with what words all of us use when irritated.

There are far worse words, like 'c*nt. wh*re, and the full gamut of really vile and obscene words contained within the English language, 'squawking' isn't even an expletive!

I refuse to believe that everyone obecting to this word live in perfect relationships, where never a bad word is used, no one ever disagrees. All of us get irritated at times and use perfectly clean normal words but with an inflection or tone that makes them mildly pejorative.

I would include 'squawking' among these normal words that can be mildly perjorative in the wrong context. Parrots squawk, so, do other birds. All kinds of sounds can be described as squawking.

Lats face it, said with the right tone of voice the word 'darling', 'love', or 'sweetheart' can be an insult.

It’s not the word per se. It is the verbal disrespect and aggression - emotional abuse.

I could tell him I’ll stop squawking when he stops living- his choice

Disgusting!
Undermining
Controlling vile behaviour. I can see this isn’t isolated and I’m sure there’s more beside this comment.

@undine. Me can offer those things. Some just don’t want to. I’d ask myself could I subject myself and children to that behaviour for 40+ years.
How would you feel if your son did that to his wife. The next generation will expect and treat their partners based on what their parents relationships have been like. So if you don’t mind your daughter being spoken to and treated like that- fine. Personally I would want better for mine.

He wouldn't have known what had hit him

If me I would put him on total ignore until he learns respect. Not sure I could stay in a marriage that didn't have respect

My husband has one more than one occasion told me to,”Be quiet” or, “Shut up” in front of others. After 56 years of marriage I’m not going to change this hurtful behaviour. My revenge is as suggested by Gransnetters: he is a Scrooge, so I spend a heap of HIS money on a present for myself.

I would be more concerned about the fact he’s manipulative and not very nice in front of your daughter than the actually word

Tell him to stop barking!

From Buddhism....

What would LOVE do now?

Jaxie

My husband has one more than one occasion told me to,”Be quiet” or, “Shut up” in front of others. After 56 years of marriage I’m not going to change this hurtful behaviour. My revenge is as suggested by Gransnetters: he is a Scrooge, so I spend a heap of HIS money on a present for myself.

Yes, but isn't it time to challenge it? At least talk about it?

Wyllow3

Jaxie

My husband has one more than one occasion told me to,”Be quiet” or, “Shut up” in front of others. After 56 years of marriage I’m not going to change this hurtful behaviour. My revenge is as suggested by Gransnetters: he is a Scrooge, so I spend a heap of HIS money on a present for myself.

Yes, but isn't it time to challenge it? At least talk about it?

Absolutely.

Why would you choose to continue to live with someone who presents “hurtful behaviour”?

It’s not the word per se. It is the verbal disrespect and aggression - emotional abuse.

Which is the point I think some are missing.

Most of us know there's a difference between when a remark or word is intended to humiliate, and when it's said off-the-cuff, jokingly.

When I read how far back the abuse goes in many of the marriages exampled, I am puzzled why many of these marriages ever took place in the first place.

25Avalon - I would have said 'stop gaslighting' because that's exactly what your hubby is doing, likening you to a small-brained bird who can only squawk and not reason, he's poking at your self-esteem so please don't let it pass by in future. And it's very useful to use the 'gaslighting' word in front of others because that type of put down/bullying is generally reserved for use in private - bring it out into the open and observers will praise you for standing up to the put down - your hubby will think twice about going there in future.

If he'd said that to me he would have had difficulty breathing! How abysmally rude!

Next time tell him to stop breathing.
Misogynistic pig.

Alternatively whenever he prattles on,use the same term on him. Nothing like giving people a taste of their own medicine. See how much he likes it when the shoe is on the other foot.

It depends on how you feel about it, the way it was said and how it fits in your bigger picture. If it upsets you that's what matters. If he knows it upsets you there's no excuse. If you say similar, or worse to him then it's tit for tat! Have a stock response for next time, because it will happen again. Is that what his father used to say to his mother? Such behaviour is often learnt. Say to him ENOUGH and walk away. Spend the night away from him. He needs training. I'm training my husband but he's a work in progress. We've only been together 41 years.

It’s an oppressive and belittling comment. If you don’t find a way to deflect this sort of behaviour I suggest it’ll get worse. It’s one of the ways men (like your husband) attempt to keep women in their place. Or the place they would like them to be! Don’t accept it.

WERE you squawking?

ExaltedWombat

WERE you squawking?

What?!?!

If it had been my husband I would've laughed but I'm guessing you're husband wasn't trying for humour. That being the case I'd have ignored it.

Wow! I've just read some of the comments and I'm amazed at the strength of feeling in some. Life's too short to get your knickers in such a twist over something so minor.

Daddima

paddyann54

Its only a word ,ignore it .I dont let stuff like that bother me.Life is too short .If you cant ignore it LAUGH at it .

This. I don’t know how I would survive life if I took things like this to heart.

Same here, I certainly wouldn’t be storming off in a huff spending loads of money, that’s likely to cause a bigger argument.
Just lighten up, laugh it off and tell him not to be so cheeky!