The death of my daughter ....

Please accept my sincere condolences
You must be devastated

I understand your need to give your daughter a good send off but I feel crowdfunding links on this site are not appropriate.

Could you not get all the guests to bring some food and drink?

I’m so very sorry to hear about your daughter

But Sago is right, your post will be removed.

Ok, that's fine ....

So sorry to hear about your DD, I cannot imagine how awful it is for you especially with the completely unreasonable behaviour of your ex husband. Let it go, have the funeral you can afford, mourn your daughter and cut your ex husband out of your life again. He may have the money, but you had your lovely daughter and have the memories.

HousePlantQueen

So sorry to hear about your DD, I cannot imagine how awful it is for you especially with the completely unreasonable behaviour of your ex husband. Let it go, have the funeral you can afford, mourn your daughter and cut your ex husband out of your life again. He may have the money, but you had your lovely daughter and have the memories.

Thank you so much .... he was out of my life until now but it's my/his other daughter I now feel sorry for x

I am so sorry for your terrible loss MadeinYorkshire

I am very sorry to hear the loss of your daughter.

So sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your beloved daughter.

I am so sorry MadeinYorkshire
I have PMed you🌹

I am very sorry for your great loss, MadeinYorkshire.

Your husband seems to lack both sympathy and empathy. However you don't have to rely on anyone but yourself for the extras such as the display of photos, surely it's not beyond your ingenuity to make this?

The undertaker is there to do what you wish . You are allowed to put anything you like (within reason) on top of the coffin. Most people choose flowers but you may prefer a photo, or something you have written, or a childhood toy, or one of your daughter's drawings , one of your own drawings, or handicraft. Have a word about your wishes with the undertaker as these are all experienced and sympathetic people.

Really sorry for your loss MadeInYorkshire
A simple funeral is just as good if not better than a big display,
I went to a lovely simple funeral not long ago and it was very moving.
A flower cross on the coffin and a photo, heartfelt tributes, poems and hymns from the mourners.
All you need is love really.

MadeInYorkshire an awful time - especially with her father making things even more difficult. I hope you've contacted her bank - as they will release funds (if she had some) to a funeral director.

Caleo

I am very sorry for your great loss, MadeinYorkshire.

Your husband seems to lack both sympathy and empathy. However you don't have to rely on anyone but yourself for the extras such as the display of photos, surely it's not beyond your ingenuity to make this?

The undertaker is there to do what you wish . You are allowed to put anything you like (within reason) on top of the coffin. Most people choose flowers but you may prefer a photo, or something you have written, or a childhood toy, or one of your daughter's drawings , one of your own drawings, or handicraft. Have a word about your wishes with the undertaker as these are all experienced and sympathetic people.

Thank you ...

Yes he is, totally unemotional .... one of his friends asked me how he was and my response was 'as stoic and unemotional as ever'.

We and her friends are doing lots behind the scenes he doesn't know about, so those things will be happening, and my Mum her Gran has offered to pay for some things, but what he wants to do is to take that money to reimburse his pocket rather than use it for what she has intended .... not on!

He is desperate to get access to her bank account (which I know there will be nothing in anyway) to reimburse himself! If there is anything in there it's the rent she owed me for November as she wanted to get her Christmas shopping done, so I said she could pay me late! I will struggle without that rent too doing forwards but that's for another day.

It says on the Coroner's form that is was "registered Disabled" - he actually asked me if that was right.

To be honest, there won't be much left in there as she has a few special friends and they are going to be putting stuff in there too!

OP

So sorry for your loss

I agree with sticking to the budget you have, what counts is the love for the person, the "basics" can be overrated and socially dictated

Unfortunately, everybody sees and deals with end of life ceremonies in different ways.

So, so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter - I really don’t know how you are coping

Please take care of yourself - this is a very difficult time and some fights are not worth it (aka why her father is like he is)

I am most dreadful sorry, my deepest condolences. 🫂
Brings back many sad thoughts as it is barely a year since my lovely younger son died suddenly and unexpectedly and 5 months since myDH died…

Madeinyorkshire
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter,and the difficulties you are facing at a time when your grief is so raw.

I am so sorry to read about the death of your daughter. Condolences As always it's deeply saddening to read of the death of anyone's child, sadly there have been a few on GN lately.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and send heartfelt wishes. I think it is so sad that your ex has chosen to make this a battle for you. I hope you can get through it the best way forward. There are strict rules about who has to be paid first out of an estate so you can use this to fight your corner. Is there an executor? As to your mother's contribution to the funeral, he has no right to determine how she spends her money so I would inform him of such. Now he has signed the paperwork for the funeral, he has a contract and will have to pay regardless. If that gives him complete control of that part of the day, make it so you have something that is more meaningful for you afterwards. You do not have to invite him.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter I can’t imagine the pain you are suffering 💐💐

I am so sorry for your loss MadeinYorkshire

You don't need this added stress from your ex, along with your sorrow. Im sure you will do your best for your girl and it doesn't have to be elaborate, the memories you all made are what matter.

Her father will have his spconscience to live with for the rest of his life.

My deepest sympathy MadeInYorkshire. Ignore him and think only of your last goodbye to your DD.