Where are you from? Is it an insult?

I wonder why this woman changed her name from Marlene Headley to the name she uses now. Why would you go to an event dressed as colourfully as she did and not expect a question about her ancestry. It couldn’t possible be a set up job could it. Friend of Meghan and her photographer. Surely not…..coincidence?

Where are you from? Is it an insult?

It is if is followed up with a remark like "I hate the English" as some English people living in Wales have been subjected to.

The touching of the hair as a no-no reminds me of Michelle Obama putting her arm round the Queen. A mistake in royal culture but a forgivable act.

Strange, I would have answered I live in a semi or a flat or whatever. Saying a Council house rather directs the conversation in my view and sounds confrontational. I would probably avoid you as you sound up for an argument.

I think the problem lies in Lady Hussey's attitude, rather than what she said. She may have been genuinely interested in knowing where the woman's origins lay. Touching a stranger's hair was completely inappropriate and a breach of protocol, surely.
It should be pointed out that the 'upper classes' have a condescending attitude to all those beneath them, no matter what the colour of their skin. I was once asked what sort of house I lived in. As soon as I said, 'It's a council house'...I was dismissed as not worthy of any further attention. I'm white and 100% British, so it was a class thing, nothing to do with race.

I thought another woman reported it, not the lady who was questioned about her nationality because she was black.

We all get asked at times where we are from,I got asked as soon as I came to this village if I was a Marra or an Assa Marra,
only 40 miles away but completely different accent. I answered and laughed. But that is a British regional thing.
I did take offence when someone asked me if I was a left-footer when I would not join the church, too personal and I felt insulted for the people who are.
My sername sounds Jewish and I often get asked if I am and I am so used to it that I just say no and leave it.
But I can see it from the ladies' point of view, having a friend who was Cape Coloured living in England some people questioned her very pointedly like SH seems to have. If you ask someone and they give you a quick answer and do not elaborate you should in her position realise they do not want to embellish. Though she could have helped if she had wanted to by filling in some of the details of her parents' heritage IF she felt she wanted to.
Perhaps an old lady out of her comfort zone and I definitely would have objected to her moving my hair without permission to read my name label.
I am also interested in Genealogy and couldn't wait to find out why my great grandfather's brother-in-law had a very dark complexion after a photo turned up and very tight curly hair, also after having DNA tests some distant cousins had Mali DNA. That was a family matter though, this incident took place in a very public gathering,I think the situation and the accents would have put me on my guard to start with and perhaps made me a bit prickly.SH after all these years should after all these years have the skills to put anyone at their ease and read their responses. Like the Lords and Profs I have had to sit next to at dinners
Mistakes all round I would say.

Lucca she was able to report it to the press, I expect the same diligence would have found an event organiser to report to.

Only if you are determined to make it so.

When giving blood yesterday I asked the lovely nurse where she was from and we had a lovely chat. She was Eastern European.

I initially thought the Royal Aide was clumsily asking, what are your roots.

growstuff

I live in the same corner of the UK and you wouldn't ask me where I'm from.

You do not live in the area I do, we are at different ends of the County growstuff

Perhaps I am just more of a people person, perhaps our friendship group is more diverse, who knows?

Esspee

I have been subjected to racism and am aware of the subtleties where you can be left in doubt as to the intentions of the perpetrator.
I would have assumed in this case that the questions were a clumsy attempt to find some sort of common ground along the lines of “I thought that was a Nigerian costume, we visited there in 2015 and so enjoyed touring your amazing country.”

Incidentally wasn’t the offended lady last in the limelight for saying that Meghan had been subjected to domestic abuse within the royal family?
She does seem to pick battles that raise her own profile doesn’t she. If I felt I had been subject to racist abuse I would have reported it to the organisers of the event. Not gone directly to the media.

I read in th Times that she said there was nobody to report it to at the time. She clearly couldn’t report it to Camilla.

Excellent Guardian article, thank you.

I live in the same corner of the UK and you wouldn't ask me where I'm from.

Our corner of the U.K. is extremely culturally diverse, like Witzend has posted we often ask cab drivers where they are from when it’s obvious they are not U.K. born. This has led to really interesting and educational conversations.

I do not think Lady Hussey had a racist agenda when asking Ms.Fulani where she came from, clumsy or crass definitely.

volver

Excuse me for saying this GrannyLaine, but did your mother have a voluntary position in the Royal Household that included making people feel at their ease and representing how Britian acts?

No?

Then not quite the same, is it.

I don't believe that I implied it was.

I was simply reflecting on the situation with a little compassion for the human beings involved in both sides of the story.

I certainly wouldn’t ask anyone who sounds native-born.
I doubt that Lady Susan was prompted by racism, but IMO it was highly insensitive, or perhaps crass would be a better word.

We have more than once asked cab drivers whose accents made it obvious that they were born and brought up elsewhere else - I don’t think anyone has taken it amiss.

Redhead56

If in conversation with someone I might ask where they originate from. It usually sparks interesting conversation and people don’t find it offensive or intrusive.

I'd find it a bit odd if you randomly asked where I originate from. I'd find it even more odd if you asked me where my people come from (as Lady Hussey did).

luluaugust

Having read a bit more about all this now as I understand it through her working life with the RF Lady H was charged by the late Queen to find out as much about people as she could so it could be decided who they should be introduced to who might help their charity or business. Lady H is getting on a bit and I think just went over the top, I have seen other people her age persist with a question they should have let go.

So when Ms Fulani replied that she was "from Sistah Space", why didn't she continue by asking what the organisation did, rather than interrogating Ms Fulani about her origins? That's what any right-minded person at a convention for domestic abuse would do.

Excuse me for saying this GrannyLaine, but did your mother have a voluntary position in the Royal Household that included making people feel at their ease and representing how Britian acts?

No?

Then not quite the same, is it.

Esspee I agree. I'm left wondering to whom was the most harm done? My mother was loving and really interested in people but she never caught up with political correctness and could drop some real clangers by simply not using the right words. Should she have been annihilated for this? Never! She died in her late nineties and we all understood the context of her upbringing and experience and made allowances accordingly.

Good post Espee

Excellent piece in today’s Guardian which says it all.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/dec/01/lady-hussey-resign-monarchy-race-remarks-institution?utm_term=638986548fd11134bc0ad92581a2dace&utm_campaign=GuardianTodayUK&utm_source=esp&utm_medium=Email&CMP=GTUK_email

If in conversation with someone I might ask where they originate from. It usually sparks interesting conversation and people don’t find it offensive or intrusive.

Here in Edinburgh people get asked; What school did you go to?
I'm probably guilty of asking where are you from but that stems from an interest in Regional accents and Scotland has many.
I asked a coffee seller if he was Irish. He was from the Western Isles and spoke Gaelic. I am trying to learn Gaelic so we had a brief conversation!
But that Lady in Waiting should have retired years ago. I hope the incident has given the aristocracy a much needed wake-up call.