To be or not to be a grandmother.

Let's face it, it's not our decision.

I was 45 when I had my son so it's possible I won't see any grandchildren. Doesn't bother me. I'm just very grateful to have my son.

I used to regularly bump into an old work 'friend' from some years back. She was always very materialistic and would always ask if I had upgraded my car adding "we change ours every two years you know". I could almost write the script of the conversation. [hmmm]

I have to say that the birth of my first grandchild was a renewing experience, like having a new boyfriend, the excitement each time we came into contact. Did lots of baby sitting through two grand children and they grew up with DH and I until they went to secondary school. Still very close.
Up to having grandchildren I never thought about it but once they arrived it was an experience not to be missed.

What an odd first question to ask someone, she could of asked you how you were, the family were, etc. I had no children and found it odd that people were shocked by this, sometimes it's like they felt sorry for me, it was my choice. One woman actually told me I was selfish not having children and I was just thinking about myself. What if I couldn't have them, some people don't think before they open their mouths. Don't take the silly woman under your notice.

I suspect its an inroad to them telling you all about their grandchildren! I have one daughter with children and another without. If I am asked why she doesn’t have children, I reply “It’s none of my business”, it shuts people up.

Just someone you were at school with trying to fill in a bit of background to her 'picture' of you. I'd move along swiftly - conversationally (any physically unless you find you DO get on).

I have one daughter, now 37 who is adamant that she will never have children. I am relieved. She's a Chartered Accountant, working in the Music Business, attends at least three evening gigs a week. She is renting in London and her priority is travelling. She does this with work, mainly to the USA and Ireland. When she travels in her own time the places she goes to are amazing. New Zealand, South Africa, short European breaks. Next biggie is Costa Rica and she has promised to take me to Japan. Children? Nah...

M0nica

I do not think the question is the problem. It is when it is asked that matters. To be the first thing someone says when you meet them after a long time is weird. To exchange family details as a catch-up conversation develops seems fine, but it is the fact that it was the first question is what makes it so odd and why the OP started the thread.

Yes, when, and HOW!

i never thought i would have grandchildren and it did not bother me one bit, my son met a fantastic woman who already had a son and did not want anymore and my only son was fine with that but 3 years ago she had a little boy that was going to be born by c-section the day after my cancer operation and they had given me a 50% chance of getting through it. i did not see him for six weeks as he was ill and i was ill, he's autistic and non verbal but he is a delight, so now i have 2 gc but it is not the first thing i mention when i see an old friend (mostly mothers from my son's school days). some of them are sad because there children don't want children, a survey from last year shows that 1 in 4 couple don't want kids. having gc does not define you or make you a better person, my son being happy with or without children is what makes me happy.

My opener if I bump into an old friend is ‘ How are you?’ or ‘How are things?’. An open question for them to say as much or little as they want.

My sympathies, OP.

Think yourselves lucky

Some people have no emotional intelligence do they and they always wear size 10's!

There could be many a reason why but they never think of that or your feelings.

I would also love to be a Granny and if it happens it happens.
I generally say what wonderful grandchildren they have and smile.

Don't let them get in your head.

That could be said for most ppl thou, I’ve got grandkids and I normally get you not remarried yet or just you on your own again you must be lonely em no not picking up after a man or sharing my bed or fighting over tv remote lol but it’s not noisy it’s just ppl being ppl we like hamsters we want to know and see everything

I don’t have grandchildren and it certainly doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is the constant barrage of photos. I meet up with a couple of friend for lunch who always bring out the mobile phone photos and bore me to tears. Unfortunately they can’t bore each other as I meet them separately. Am I the only one who thinks a lot of women lose their identity when they become a granny. I know some whose lives appear to revolve around the weekly routine of their grandchildren to the extent of even booking their own holidays around granny duties.

My first DGD was born when I was 51. She is now 18 and pregnant with my 1st GGC !
I also have another 4 DGC but to be honest I wouldn’t be bothered if I had none .
I’m not that keen on children 😂 although I have done my fair share of caring for the DGC

It's not up to us though is It? You are or you aren't and while I could not love my grandchildren more , their existence was not my decision!

I recently saw a school friend from 40 years ago, her first words were “ I see you are embracing the grey " I replied " maybe you should" as she had jet-black hair with silver roots.

I have known some older people that grandchildren are all they talk about, and then the phone comes out with endless pictures of children I don't know and have no interest in.

I feel very lucky to have grandchildren. It’s not something I ever took for granted. I wouldn’t want to spend my life looking after them as some people do, but I’m glad they exist. I remember saying to my children, before there were any grandchildren, that I’d been very happy to bring up children once, but I had no desire to do it twice.

Fortunately they live too far away for that to be a possibility.

My son married a girl who had a ten month baby when he was twenty making me a gran at forty six. His daughter didn’t start having children until in her thirties. My fifty year old grandson and thirty nine wife are expecting their first baby.
Everyone is different.

LR, I suspect those people just wanted to talk about their grandchildren so were hoping that you would say 'yes' so that they could talk at length about their wonderful grandchildren!

Perhaps they haven't got much else in their lives?

Had this conversation this other day with a man at the bus stop, didn't know him at all ! Yes I would love to be a grandmother ... cut a long story short ... I said it is up to them not me ! Annoys me when people think they should have children ... all reasons why people don't have them ... some say my daughter would have made a lovely mother ... don't dwell on it ... still your children ... & yes I love mine to bits ... their decision ... also husbands & partners

I have neither children nor grandchildren and am quite happy!

I wish people would just mind their own business. I hate the 'grandchildren' competition. In twenty years time, the question will be, 'Great-grandchildren?' My mother has this problem now. Just another one-upmanship game. For some people, I guess they have absolutely nothing else to talk about.

Theexwife I have friends that constantly show me pictures and videos of their grandkids too. I seem to spend days out, especially with one of them, trailing through pictures on her phone of her little grandson. I now get my phone out and show her photos of my dog, she soon gets bored and puts her phone away.
It's nice to know they are doing well, but to get photos of every single thing they do stuck under your nose when you are eating lunch, no thank you.