Glad it's all over

Good luck and a Happy New year to you and your DH. I hope you come to a conclusion that suits you all.
We have come back shattered after a seven-hour drive to and from our DD's we loved being there and she wants us to move but it would be completely alien to us.
Do what pleases you both.
And yes I am glad the whole bloody shenanigans are over.
No more treading on toes, half-hour discussions of where to go. Children losing their rag after playing games they pestered to play. Stuffing themselves with chocolate when their mum and dad were cooking a delicious lunch.
They did behave when we went out for a meal and a woman actually came up and complimented us on their good behaviour. Then I confiscated the rubber poo that was being passed around under the table.!!!!
Do what you want not what others want you to.

I think Avalon has a good point.

I have a friend who moved on retirement and a couple of years ago moved back. Now I know Covid messed it all up but honestly although we all welcomed her back, her niche had gone. None of us were in the same stage of life as she envisaged slotting into. We had all changed, health, family, interests, energy.

Renting for a bit might be a good idea as Nannagarra says. The reality versus the illusion.

I really feel for you BB. I've noticed a common refrain on here regarding moving nearer family and then not seeing them any more frequently than if you had stayed put. Our daughter lives 40 minutes away but we can go weeks, sometimes months before seeing her. She does ring us regularly and we accept that she has a life of her own. We see the grandsons less (14 and 12) but they come for sleepovers which is nice. We have lovely neighbours and I have some very close female friends, one for over 46 years and I could never replicate that elsewhere so I think we are here for the duration! As others have said, you havn't been well, January is always a depressing month, don't do anything hasty.

I spend the whole of Christmas filled with dread. I love having the family round but I just find the expectations on me too much. It doesn't help that I worked flat out until Christmas Eve and wasn't very organised about presents etc

I understand why people go away now

I used to loath family christmases for all the reasons other posters have mentioned - bickering relatives, whinging kids, loud TV and so on. For a few years I went away to countries where christmas was not celebrated - India, Nepal. Egypt, Syria and Morocco. Then I just fibbed and told my family I was going away. There were no smart phones or zoom to catch me out in those days. I just didnt answer my landline for two weeks. Bliss!

Thank you all so much for your helpful replies and the pms it did help me so much. We just went out for a lovely lunch and talked things through. We are going to wait until the Spring when hopefully both of us will be in better form and also when the economic situation looks a bit clearer. Also going to wait and see what fate has in store- 'something will turn up'. Meantime its enjoying what we have which us a lot really and getting on with trying to get the golf handicaps down and join in more social events. I'm 70 to next month and very aware of passing time DH 77 in the summer. Thank you again I'll be more positive in future posts. xxx

Dd and family just been for a visit only 4days but it was enough for me! Nice to see them but so nice when they go.

Children just stayed overnight and when they went this afternoon I took down and packed away all decorations. The room is clear and tidy. Family are fine often lovely, , but sometimes cold reality doesnt match the imagined and much anticipated joy of being together. Specially when youngsters will happily spend all day increasing the risk of thumb arthritis by hunching over their phones/devices.

Oh how I agree about the cold reality of family occasions not matching up to expectations.
I do realise that this is not true for many families and I really envy them.

annsixty

Oh how I agree about the cold reality of family occasions not matching up to expectations.
I do realise that this is not true for many families and I really envy them.

Thank goodness - and I thought it was just me being increasingly curmudgeonly!
My faith in human nature is restored- I love to see them, but I also love to see them go and I love to come home to my own bed!

MawtheMerrier

annsixty

Oh how I agree about the cold reality of family occasions not matching up to expectations.
I do realise that this is not true for many families and I really envy them.

Thank goodness - and I thought it was just me being increasingly curmudgeonly!
My faith in human nature is restored- I love to see them, but I also love to see them go and I love to come home to my own bed!

Talking of stopping at others' houses, it's never your own.
You can't make tea and endless coffee as you don't know where the stock is. Biscuits seem to appear by magic in children's hands but are never given to you as super is nearly ready. 2 hours later you sit down and gulp as much water as you dare in case of cystitis.
The fire is going out and you put on the wrong logs which spark and they haven't got a fire guard.
The double bed is only double if you half lie on top of each other.
DH confesses on the journey home that the loo which is now meant to be back to normal isn't and blocks easily.
The high lite of our homeward journey 7 hours in rain and fog was to stop at services where the toilets were broken and we had to queue for one attached to the petrol station. A very kind lady whispered there was no loo roll so I rummaged for paper hankies and donated the rest of the packet to the woman in the queue behind me with two girls.
Will we be visiting the House of mysteries as I call it next year if invited of course we will, Christmas is for families, but we will stop halfway and have an overnight stay at a travel Lodge or similar and have a good laugh after a good sleep in our own bed.

Grammaretto

Good answer Maw but OP did move and her DH thinks they should make the best of it.

It's not the best time of year for this kind of decision making BigBertha and on top of that you have been ill.
I would suggest it takes several years to settle in a new place so perhaps you should give it a chance.

Join in activities on your own account and don't rely on your DD too much.

If you are happy and relaxed you will be better able to make the right decisions.

Great advice here.
It takes ages to settle into a new place.Your DD knows you are near if she needs you and you need her.
House prices in the South are crazy.
Happy New Year BigBertha1 hope you’ll have a good one.

I too am very glad it’s over it’s a sham really everyone pretending it’s wonderful, even when it’s not I m sure it’s wonderful for a lot of people it’s mediocre for even more and it’s a downright pain for many
Roll on 2023 and springtime

I just feel we should feel lucky that we have contact with our family members, as others would love to have contact and not suffer estrangement. Illness of one partner does cloud judgement and it’s better to see how you feel in the new year, give it time. I feel it is tempting to move nearer to children but not necessarily a good move long term. Grandchildren grow up, our own children’s circumstances change. Think long and hard before you make a move - if say, you are left on your own, you will have different needs and priorities.

Oh dear, so many lonely people. But here’s wishing everyone a more enjoyable year than the last.

Oh dear, some want more family time, others less, people are funny.
Assuming you still have contact with people where you used to live BigBertha can you visit there and see if it still ‘feels’ right? Perhaps look at a smaller property if it does, life is too short to be unsettled where you are.

I think BlueBelle’s sentiments ring very true with many of us.

When asked how Christmas went, we all say “Oh, it was lovely, thank you”, whether that is always the truth is another matter.

Christmas came 10 weeks after my husband died. It was a time of year he loved and we both enjoyed. Family and friends have been kind, thoughtful and sensitive. I’ve managed to enjoy some, we had a great Christmas lunch here, everyone mucked in. No one fell out and we laughed and cried together.
I’m going to start taking the decorations down today. I’ll try to look forward to this new year but it’s hard without him

BB1, it probably wouldn't be tge same if you moved back now. You have each other and the family not far away now.. We are but a small part of their lives but as parents they a major part of ours. If I still had my husband I would make the best of where you are, hopefully you will feel better soon and spring will come and things look brighter.
Know I still don't feel my old self since getting the virus before Christmas, I would have given any thing to have had a drink made for me. 😐

Iam

We hesitated on moving nearer our kids. Glad we didnt. They have their own lives.
Husband would have moved like a shot. I hesitated.
Plus which, I wasnt convinced they are all settled yet themselves. Didnt want to follow them around the country.

Which all doesnt really help you.

I hope 2023 works out well for you.

I am so sorry Iam64 I must sound very selfish and greedy to you. I have taken myself aside and given my head a wobble now but thank you for all the comments on here they are really helpful.

Iam64
I still remember so well that first Christmas without my H.
BB good lunch with your soul searching, it must be so difficult.
I hope for you that you make the right decision it is so important to be happy at your stage in life.

I don’t know where lunch came from!!
Although I do hope you have a good one, luck was meant there.

BigBertha, no I don’t think you’re selfish or greedy. You’re facing big decisions, they’re significant and I hope you manage to reach the best for you.
I don’t want to make anyone feel bad by talking about my loss. It’s life, there are so many posters who have had similar tough experiences leading to the death of their husband/life partner. I’ve had many compassionate posts, like the one from annsixty, who remembers The Firsts.
Wishing everyone the best as we move into this new year x