What would you do?

Many years ago my friend told me she was having an affair. I wished she hadn't because her husband was lovely and every time I saw him I felt guilty for knowing. 20 years later my friend and her husband are still together.

Wyllow
This was my problem, not only were our husbands close friends, but we did loads of things as families, including holidays together.
But I never said a word, hoping I suppose, that it wouldn’t last, but it did, and it was very awkward.

In 99% cases I'd say a definite no, a confidence is a confidence.

I'd waver if my DH was very very close to this lady's husband, only then. And it would be a case by case. If this lady's husband was cheating himself or was abusive?

But then, the friend having an affair would know that and I would have taken it up with her at the time she disclosed her secret, as its not fair on you or your DH in those circs.

Sounds bitter of me but I have found that friendships are never the same again and indeed can end on the spin of a sixpence. I would tell my friend her choice, her business, I don't want anything to do with it. Also, I would tell my husband as he is very discreet and we share most detail like that. We would then forget and move on.

Ohmother

If your friend told you she was having an affair would you share that with your husband?

I wonder, is this a ‘reverse’ Ohmother?
Are you the one having an affair, and your friend has betrayed your trust?

It's not a secret, she told you. Haven't time for people that cheat, theyre not getting on its their problem., you owe your partner that.

I would want to 'forget' that she told me the secret in the first place to he honest. Actions have consequences and I wouldn't want to get caught in the firing line when it all came out.

I have kept another friends secret, nothing to do with infidelity, for fifty plus years.
She doesn’t trust me though, and regrets telling me.
Eventually her fear of me blabbing, I never did, ruined our friendship.

I don’t understand why people feel that they have to tell their husbands everything. If someone asks you to keep a secret it means what it says. Your husband may be the most important person in your life but he’s not in your friend’s. Trust him with your own secrets, but it is a betrayal of trust for you (generic) to take it upon yourself to decide that it’s ok to do the same with someone else’s.

If you aren’t able to keep things to yourself you aren’t really a friend IMO, and should make that clear before allowing any confidences to be shared.

If you keep it to yourself, if everything blows over, no harm is done. I didn’t tell my husband, mainly because I’d been asked not to, but partly because I felt it would cause a lot of awkwardness between my friend and husband.
The marriage didn’t survive, and eventually we all settled down and became friends with husband number two, while still trying to support husband number number one.

I was sworn to secrecy by close friends having marital problems so didn’t share with my first husband. When it all came out, he was furious. The couple said, they didn’t mean me not to share with my husband. Lesson learned.

Lord no, because mine isn’t discreet!

Yes I’d tell my husband, he’s very discreet. I’d almost be wishing that she hadn’t told me though.

I would tell my husband, I tell him everything.

I would have told my DH.
I have been known to say please don't tell me something you want to keep private because I'm not sure if I can be trusted not to mention it.

But on occasions I have listened and then not mentioned it to anyone because it was someone's secret. I have to forget it.

Most secrets don't remain secret for long

Don't have a husband. And once upon a time, I would have shared this sort of thing with my bloke. But no more. He can't keep his mouth closed to save his life so I know he'd gossip about it.

I have never kept a secret from my husband. The nature of our work in our early days together meant that we shared some very serious and sensitive secrets and had to trust each other implicitly.
Sharing a secret with him means that I would not feel the need to share with anyone else, same for him.
Neither of us would interfere in another persons relationship so it wouldn’t matter how close either of us is to either party.

Well, I must be odd because I would tell my husband. I would be concerned for my friend so would share that.

No. But I hope my friends wouldn’t put me in that position.

Skomer

Exactly the same post on Mumsnet at 19.33 today.

Does that matter? The OP might just want to get as many responses as possible. A lot of people post on both MN and on here.

Exactly the same post on Mumsnet at 19.33 today.

Urmstongran

But what about the one with the secret?
If she can’t keep her own secret why would she expect someone else to keep it for her?
I’m off to me bed to ponder this one.

Because she needed someone to talk to and trusted her friend? I would need to ponder that one for less than a second, really.

Why would you want to share it with your husband?

I was in this situation, I kept my friends secret, but when it all came out, my husband was pretty annoyed because he and her husband were good friends.
Still think I did the right thing, but as we were a foursome who did a lot together, it was awkward.

But what about the one with the secret?
If she can’t keep her own secret why would she expect someone else to keep it for her?
I’m off to me bed to ponder this one.