Young adult children living at home

We never charged our children for anything until they were in full time work. Then we put the housekeeping money in a bank account for them and they payed for everything else.

Don’t the parents still get Family Allowance for the 18 year
olds?

It’s good that they have part time jobs for some personal spending money.

Paid!

Both our dds lived at home for a year or two after graduating. Once they’d paid off their overdrafts and were earning reasonable money, I charged them roughly half of what they’d have had to pay in a flatshare locally - rent only, no bills. That way (I reasoned) it would come as less of a shock when they did eventually move out.

Holidays - they joined us for a couple of relatively expensive ones. We paid and were more than happy to do so - they were and are good company.

I didn’t specifically save the rent money for them, but when they eventually wanted to buy their own homes we did help. Though should add that dd1 and future son in law refused help when buying their first - it was only with the second that they were glad to accept.

My ex neighbour had a dilemma when 2 of her DS were living at home.
One was at university, the other working in a lowpaid job
She thought she should charge rent but only to the one who was earning but then she felt that appeared as if she valued education more.
Sorry I don't know what the outcome was and they've moved away now.
We didn't charge our own for the times they lived at home after school or after uni. They couldn't wait to leave!.
Nowadays more and more AC stay in the parental home and one chap I know, now widowed, has a DS and a DD both unmarried, both at "home"
Perhaps they'll look after him in his last years. Very Jane Austen.

I didn't charge either of my two children when they were at home in late teens/early twenties. When my son returned in his late twenties to save for a deposit,he insisted on giving me money towards housekeeping.

We’ve had ours back for shortish periods, they occasionally contributed but as it was temporary, I never insisted. They were also early 20’s not in their 30’s with established careers/regular paid work.
With house prices, uncertain jobs market, I expect it’s more common now and some regular agreement needed

My eldest lived at home till he was 26 until he left to buy his own flat and I didn't charge him anything. The younger one left at the same age but moved into rented with his GF he was also not charged. He moved back in with me when he and his GF split. He then started paying rent but had 2 rooms one as a bedroom and one as a lounge. Currently his now wife and child also live here but as I'm now disabled they do quite a lot for me and tbh I'd struggle without them. We get on very well and they pay around a grand a month. I pay all the bills and we each buy our own shopping.

Thanks for replies so far. Interesting.
No Child Benefit as such, Oopsadaisy, as it is clawed back by HMRC.
Possibly the main issues are transport and holidays, in these families. Transport to school is funded by parents, but now that they all have cars, it is a grey area. It certainly saves the parents a huge amount of ferrying around, but running a car is not cheap, especially the insurance.
They all seem to expect to go on holidays with parents in perpetuity. I certainly didn’t at their age. I think once they actually leave home, things will change.

I didn't take anything from her when she had part time jobs during vacations but when my daughter finished university she lived at home for nearly a year before moving in with her then boyfriend. She was fortunate to get a reasonably well paid full time job so I 'charged' her 20% of her take home pay as a contribution to household expenses. When they bought a property a few years later DH and I gave them some money so I suppose you could say she had her contribution back.

One came back for a while after Uni- it was a joy to have her, and it was short-term- so we never asked for any contributions. She was 22.

The other came back after a relationship with a violent man, abroad. Late 30s- again, we knew it would be temporary, until she got back on her feet, so we never asked for contributions either. Again, a joy to have her with us and safe.

In both cases, they had the use of my car. They contributed in all sorts of other ways, helping with meals or cooking for us, housework, just everyday stuff.

Long term, it is just not healthy or normal to live together any longer. We love seeing each other, visiting each other, for extended (but shortish) periods of time. How it should be, in my opinion.

I think it all depends on whether you can afford to keep extra adults at your own expense and I certainly can’t. Therefore I charge my adult son and his girlfriend who are both working a nominal rent with utilities included,the only thing they buy is their own food and washing powder. I moved my bedroom down to my dining room so they have a lounge and a bedroom upstairs and we share kitchen and bathroom,works perfectly fine and they are very,very happy as there’s no way they could afford to even rent a flat never mind what it would cost to run it.. I also wonder what sort of a life lesson it is if people can live completely rent free with no responsibility for living expenses..🤔

Too true Shinamae They need to learn but at least after first year they move into shared flats and have to budget
I had a text from a young man (25) who HelpX ed with us and we've kept in touch. He's doing a PHD and looking for a job, in the text he told me that they were all shivering in the flat in Cambridge because the electricity is metered and runs out before they've had time to top up the meter
He's just been home for Christmas and was ill when he got there and so could revert to being a child again.

Mine never paid anything but they all left by the time they were in their early 20s or a bit earlier for a couple of them. I never paid anything to my parents but I left to go to uni at 18 and never returned. It is hard for the young ones now, they need all the help they can get. One of my daughters has built a flat under their house for my grandson. He is a uni student but he works at Maccas part time and pays for his own car expenses and some of his food. He’s moved a girlfriend in so I am not sure how that will go. They are pretty placid,though, my fam so I am sure they will all cope and get on ok.

No doubt I must be the horrible mom here ! Yes mine paid rent , not much may I add ... depending how much they earnt ... although this included food heating & much more may I add ... although when they were much younger wanted pocket money instead of my hubby & myself buying them comics, sweets etc ... so paid them for little jobs ... washing up, feeding the dog etc paid them ... cost us a fortune ... wrote it down then monthly put £10 in each if their bank accounts, then extra they had ... learnt them value of money ...

I believe it’s right for working adult children living at home to make a reasonable contribution towards their keep. It teaches them about money and the need to budget in the big wide world. Whether that is returned later or not is immaterial.

When I left school at 15 my mother asked fir 30% of my wage. I was also expected to pay a bit from my Saturday jobs which I did from 13. I left home finally at 17 (4 years before reaching adulthood) and paid all my bills fir rent, food, travel to work, energy, clothes, everything, without expecting or being offered financial help from anyone. Despite being frugal, every week before pay day the meters ran out and if it was cold/dark had no choice but to go to bed, even if it was only 6 pm. Sounds hard, and it was, but I managed, learned from it and apart from a mortgage, have never been in debt.

I had already worked for 10 years before many of our adult children have even begun to think about looking fir a job. Our children, who are adults at 18, many of whom have had opportunities of education and travel, things I could only dream of, expect and are given a lot from us parents/grandparents which in the long run delays the time when they are forced to accept responsibility fir themselves. I am glad fir them and really don’t want to seem harsh, but as a starter paying a bit towards their keep is surely not expecting too much.

But the OP has said that they are all in School/University, so they aren’t working yet.

Our children who are in their 20s still come on family holidays with us. Me and my husband are a bit bemused by it one has left home and the other is at university and we make financial contributions so he can study and have a phone and car.

aren't we a pair of old softies?

Sure are JaneJudge but I would have loved to have you as parents.
I had a grant but had to work in the holidays.
My widowed mother didn't make me pay but one year I went fruit picking in Norfolk. I had to pay a landlady for my keep and pick a lot of strawberries.
I lasted less than a month and left with an aching, strangely sunburned, back and no money at all

When in my first shared room in a flat I cooked myself some horrible meals because they were cheap!

My mother insisted when I was working, even with holiday jobs, that of I lived at home, I should contribute to the cost of keeping me. With holiday jobs the sum was merely a token payment, but more substantial when I was in full time work.

I did exactly the same with my DC. Initially the payment was nominal, a couple of £s, it might have gone as high as £5 a week at one point. When DS got his second career job close to home and with renting in this area being astronomically expensive then I expected something nearer the extra cost of him living at home. It was the same with money, if we lent them money, we expected a repayment schedule that would be adhered to, no interest, and low payments. The result is that we have children who are very conservative financially because they know that money overspent has to be repaid, usually with interest and that you need a cushion behind you in case of unexpected happenings like redundancy.

Our AC (both around 50) still come on holiday with us. We have a house in France and we have a family holiday there every summer. As DD is single and travels with us in our car, so has no ferry fare to pay, we pay the ferry fare for DS and family.

We have also had other holidays together. Both children and family spent at least a week with us at Christmas. They both live a long way from us, so we do not have the advantages of the casual and short visits or 'drop-ins' of those who have children living closer.

We agreed to support our children while they were in full time education, after that they were expected to contribute towards household expenses. To be fair we said they should pay 1/3 for living expenses 1/3 tosave and 1/3 to spend. However this was many years ago and I don't know now how I would deal with this situation. I do think adult children need to learn how to budget and to realise the cost involved in running a home.

Our adult DCs left home aged 24/25 . Both saved for a house deposit after coming back from Uni . Eldest gave us some " board " money , which we saved and gave back to him to help with conveyancing fees and we never took any money from the youngest ( as he knew we would save it for him anyway ). We were fortunate we could afford to support them for another few years but although it was a bit of a struggle at times we were happy to do this to help them get on the housing ladder .

Our daughters came home from uni, got jobs, paid "rent" which we saved/handed back when they moved to their own homes.

They've been doing the same to their children.

Not a problem as long as they live by our rules, no upsets or waves.
No boyfriends or girlfriends as live ins

We didn't charge rent but did expect help with the running of the household. When we went on holiday the AC looked after the house for us - and it was still standing and in good order when we got back!
I think we would have asked for a financial contribution had they been working, but they were both in full-time education and then moved out at the end of that. And, yes, we did help with buying the houses.