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Advice on how to deal with this please?

(123 Posts)
Beckett Sun 08-Jan-23 12:32:50

When my neighbours go on holiday I look after their 2 dogs. I feed them and walk them twice a day. They spend the day in their large enclosed garden with access to a covered area. I check on them several times a day and let them back into the house overnight.

This was fine when my neighbours were away for 2 weeks at a time, but they have now retired and this morning handed me a list of all the dates they will be away this year and it seems they will be away more often than at home! On 2 occasions they will be away for 6 weeks at a time and another away for 3 weeks, home for 1 week and then away again for 2 weeks.

What has upset me is they haven't asked if I am available on those dates but have just assumed I will be. I was planning to book a short holiday for myself this year, the first in 5 years! I would add that they are normally very supportive and thoughtful but I do feel this is a step too far. How do I tell them I think they are expecting too much of me? They do have family but they live some distance away.

Namsnanny Sun 08-Jan-23 12:37:40

If they want a dog and holidays they can pay for kennels.
You just state the truth, that you intend to make more use of your time by also going on holiday, and cant be on call anymore.
Or just say it's not possible to help out from now on. With no explanation, if you feel you can.
Dont feel guilty whatever you choose to do.

Grandmabatty Sun 08-Jan-23 12:41:33

I would just tell them that you are not available as you have plans. You could be generous and offer a couple of the dates but you need to make it clear that the longer times don't suit you. Don't get into why they don't suit you, particularly if you normally like these neighbours. Just keep repeating that they'll have to make other arrangements as you have plans. Frankly they're taking liberties and you are saving them a fortune in kennelling

Theexwife Sun 08-Jan-23 12:42:40

I used to be in the same position, I never really had much planned but didn’t like the tie of having to do it.

First I made excuses saying I had things planned but they worked around it, asking for my schedule and planning their trips around that. I even thought about getting a job so I would not be so available, at that point I realised how ridiculous it was getting.

It took one awkward sentence of me saying that I did not want to do it anymore as it was too much of a tie. There could be no reply to that, it was not something to work around.

They were a bit frosty for a little while but I didn't care as I no longer had to look after their dogs, which I feel you should not have if you are going to be away so much.

FarNorth Sun 08-Jan-23 12:48:32

If you are willing to do some of the dates, write them down and hand to the neighbours saying "These are the dates I can do for you".
As said, don't discuss further. Just repeat, if necessary.

pascal30 Sun 08-Jan-23 12:49:01

If they want dogs why don't they take them with them? I would just say you've decided to go away more often next year and can no longer commit to any dates. You've been more than generous....

Blondiescot Sun 08-Jan-23 12:51:49

Give them an inch and they'll take a mile. I'd never expect anyone to look after my dog like that. They've got a brass neck! If you do want to look after them at some point, just let them know the dates you can do - and tell them that as far as the rest are concerned, you are not available. They're taking advantage of your good nature - and then some!

Shinamae Sun 08-Jan-23 12:56:58

Give them a number of the local kennels…

Witzend Sun 08-Jan-23 12:57:55

Goodness, just tell them sorry, it’s far too much! They are taking you for a mug! They need to pay for kennels or for a dog sitter to live in - and if that’s too expensive, that’s their lookout.
Please be very firm, OP, and don’t feel remotely bad about it!

Witzend Sun 08-Jan-23 13:19:18

PS, they are what would on MN instantly be branded CFs, as in cheeky f*ckers - a wholly apt expression IMO for anyone taking other people for mugs.

Tizliz Sun 08-Jan-23 13:41:28

I am currently breaking in a new dog sitter. This means I have to pay him to come and get to know my dogs and go for walks with us, I don’t expect any different as it is his business. The rate here is £20 an hour for the first dog, less for subsequent ones, overnight rates yet to be negotiated. Your neighbours are saving a fortune.

grandtanteJE65 Sun 08-Jan-23 13:41:52

You simply tell your neighbours that you are sorry, but you cannot possibly take on the responsibility of caring for their dogs so much.

You might want to add that the former holiday was becoming too much for you.

Ask them nicely to make other arrangements.

If they say this is not possible, smile regretfully, and say once more that you are sorry not to be able to help any more.

They should have realised, as most pet owners do, that owning pets and travelling a lot are two incompatible activities.

They should also have realised that if you had wanted two dogs practically all the time, you would have your own.

ExperiencedNotOld Sun 08-Jan-23 13:47:54

At least they’ve given you warning - we had neighbours that’d send a text from half way up the M4, never specifying when they’d be back!!
Do they pay you anything presently? That was the saving grace from those neighbours.

FarNorth Sun 08-Jan-23 13:51:29

Wow Experienced. What would have happened if you were halfway to your own holiday when the text arrived?

pascal30 Sun 08-Jan-23 14:06:26

Tizliz

I am currently breaking in a new dog sitter. This means I have to pay him to come and get to know my dogs and go for walks with us, I don’t expect any different as it is his business. The rate here is £20 an hour for the first dog, less for subsequent ones, overnight rates yet to be negotiated. Your neighbours are saving a fortune.

this really puts things in perspective!!

Spinnaker Sun 08-Jan-23 14:13:14

Just. Say. No .
I can never understand why people let themselves be backed into a corner - especially with cheeky neighbours !

VioletSky Sun 08-Jan-23 14:15:14

Are they compensating you for doing this?

Please just say no. The odd holiday is neighbourly but this is ridiculous unless they are actively buying your service...

Even if they paid you, you are entitled to your own holiday time

ParlorGames Sun 08-Jan-23 14:20:28

Blimey! Talk about taking the p**s!
My advice????? Look at the list, decide what you are prepared to help with, cross out all other dates, hand the list back and tell them to make alternate arrangements.
Oh, and enjoy your own holiday, you've earned it!

overthehill Sun 08-Jan-23 14:23:59

Not adding anymore to the excellent advice given here. It's just amazing how people can take you for granted. My hubs fed next doors cats for years. In the end there was just one elderly cat remaining. This poor cat was past it and was messing all round the house, so hubs felt obliged to clear it up. After this I said to her he was sorry but couldn't do it anymore because of this. She had to accept this of course, but would have been nice if she'd passed on her thanks for all the years he'd fed them along with guinea pigs as well, but no not a mention.

Oreo Sun 08-Jan-23 14:56:09

VioletSky

Are they compensating you for doing this?

Please just say no. The odd holiday is neighbourly but this is ridiculous unless they are actively buying your service...

Even if they paid you, you are entitled to your own holiday time

This.
Tons of good advice already on here.Just tell them sooner rather than later.

Baggs Sun 08-Jan-23 14:59:35

ParlorGames

Blimey! Talk about taking the p**s!
My advice????? Look at the list, decide what you are prepared to help with, cross out all other dates, hand the list back and tell them to make alternate arrangements.
Oh, and enjoy your own holiday, you've earned it!

Perfect. Do this, Becket. And, as others have said, you don't owe them an explanation.

Mollygo Sun 08-Jan-23 15:08:49

ParlourGames that list of dates is a great idea if you are willing to do some.
More difficult if you’d rather not do it at all any more.

Hithere Sun 08-Jan-23 15:15:00

"Thank you for the dates.

My rate is x pounds everytime I walk each dog plus x pounds per visit - total x pounds per day."

Blinko Sun 08-Jan-23 15:18:02

FarNorth

If you are willing to do some of the dates, write them down and hand to the neighbours saying "These are the dates I can do for you".
As said, don't discuss further. Just repeat, if necessary.

Exactly this. Don't feel obliged to do any more than you want to.

timetogo2016 Sun 08-Jan-23 15:24:12

Spot on FarNorth.