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Advice on how to deal with this please?

(124 Posts)
Beckett Sun 08-Jan-23 12:32:50

When my neighbours go on holiday I look after their 2 dogs. I feed them and walk them twice a day. They spend the day in their large enclosed garden with access to a covered area. I check on them several times a day and let them back into the house overnight.

This was fine when my neighbours were away for 2 weeks at a time, but they have now retired and this morning handed me a list of all the dates they will be away this year and it seems they will be away more often than at home! On 2 occasions they will be away for 6 weeks at a time and another away for 3 weeks, home for 1 week and then away again for 2 weeks.

What has upset me is they haven't asked if I am available on those dates but have just assumed I will be. I was planning to book a short holiday for myself this year, the first in 5 years! I would add that they are normally very supportive and thoughtful but I do feel this is a step too far. How do I tell them I think they are expecting too much of me? They do have family but they live some distance away.

Shelflife Sun 08-Jan-23 15:34:58

Unbelievable!! How dare they ? Their dogs their problem. If you are prepared to do some of the dates let them know which but don't be bulied into doing more. Although I really do think that in your position I would make a clean break and simply say you are no longer able to do it.
They must pay for kennels . Shouldn't have dogs!!😡

Chardy Sun 08-Jan-23 16:34:28

Personally I would say that I'm very tired after a fortnight of 2 dog walks a day, so while I'm happy to do 2 fortnights and any long weekends this year, I can't commit myself to anything else.

(As a dog owner myself, I wouldn't want to leave my dogs alone overnight for more than a few days!)

Marthjolly1 Sun 08-Jan-23 16:37:12

Beyond cheeky!! I agree it would be best to tick one or two dates, only if you really want to, cross out all the rest. When my last cat died I resolved not to get another as I wanted to travel a bit and go away frequently. It wouldn't be fair on my pet to keep disappearing, even if she was well looked after by someone else.

HeavenLeigh Sun 08-Jan-23 16:40:50

You have been a wonderful neighbour doing this, they have some brass neck expecting to give you dates and you will carry on regardless, I think they have overstepped the mark No and I’d be saying no can do! There’s no way I would be used just cos you have a kind nature,

Grammaretto Sun 08-Jan-23 17:08:49

When you tell them you can't do all this dog sitting, soften the blow by telling them about a website called
trustedhousesitters.com

My friend used this whenever she goes away.
A cousin, who comes across from NZ for months at a time is an animal aunt. Again a website and they occasionally get paid!
animalaunts.co.uk

Aveline Sun 08-Jan-23 17:13:38

FarNorth exactly!

sodapop Sun 08-Jan-23 17:18:54

What entitled people, why on earth have they got dogs if they leave them so often.
You gave been more than kind so far Beckett I agree with FarNorth let them know which dates you are able to comfortably help and don't be persuaded into doing any more.

Oldbat1 Sun 08-Jan-23 17:19:40

We have dogs one very elderly so we don’t really go away. I we do it is a couple of days and a neighbour whose son is 21 comes and stays in our house. My vet agreed she would be there for any emergencies. I pay this lad £30 a day so I hope you receive a similar daily amount as it is a huge responsibility. I would never leave my dogs for 6wks.

Alioop Sun 08-Jan-23 17:26:29

You are so kind hearted, but it's awful that they just expect you to do it now. Tell them plain and straight no more free dog sitting and to make alternative arrangements as you are busy yourself at times.

Ohmother Sun 08-Jan-23 17:35:59

Just be assertive as you’re not wanting to hurt them or get resentful yourself. Say “I’m not able to do any of these dates. I can’t commit to any fresh dates either. “. (Don’t apologise; you don’t have to).

Do it with a smile and let them work out alternatives themselves.

grannyrebel7 Sun 08-Jan-23 17:44:36

We've just been in touch with a dog sitter and she charges £30 per night! Kennels on the other hand are much cheaper. Ours charge £15 per night. I can see why these neighbours are on to a good thing with you Beckett

Redrobin51 Sun 08-Jan-23 18:10:12

As dog owners we are incredulous. I even went from full time to part time work so we wouldn't leave a dog alone for long even then I had someone to let her out. We forgo any foreign holidays and only went on holidays where we could take our beloved dog. We are retired now but wouldn't ask anyone to look after our dog unless it was a dire emergency. I feel so many people don't think of the responsibilities of having a dog before purchasing them. Kennels or dog sitters are really expensive and they should have factored that in. We have looked after other peo0les dogs for say a week when they have arranged for dog sitting but have been let down at the last minute or for a day or two but they are taking the biscuit.

LRavenscroft Sun 08-Jan-23 18:15:53

A couple of questions spring to mind:
Do you enjoy walking them?
What would happen if you were suddenly called away to another matter say for a few days or weeks?
How would the long periods impact on your personal life?
Please consider the impact on you personally. You are not obliged and should they be having dogs if they are away so long? What is the effect on their dogs' happiness?

Ziplok Sun 08-Jan-23 18:22:20

Oh dear, Beckett, your neighbours are taking the proverbial here, aren’t they? You’ve been good enough to look after their dogs for a fortnight every year (a big responsibility, too), but now they want their cake, don’t they? If you still want to do a stint for one of the fortnights, tick that one and cross out the rest, as other posters suggest. Just be honest and say you can’t/won’t commit to any more. Don’t offer any explanations. I’d be inclined to say that I can no longer commit to any dates after such cheek, though.

HotfootSue67 Sun 08-Jan-23 18:53:21

First i daren't say what my hubby said... lol
What insurance have you got if one got stolen? Fell ill? Bit the Postman? etc.... I would just say sorry i can't do this i have my own commitments and i need a holiday and i don't want any worries or responsibilities. If you could find someone younger to house sit them or maybe take them to the kennels it would work out much better for you. If i fell ill what would happen?
Make them think twice about all these possibilities that could happen!! Good Luck x

Allsorts Sun 08-Jan-23 19:00:21

Say you can’t do it any more as you’ve got health problems, or say you can’t agree to any dates as you will be looking to be away yourself for any late deals, don’t go into more details. They have a cheek so it wouldn’t bother me if they didn’t talk to me again, , they are hardly there anyway.
At first I wondered if this was a genuine post as it’s so extreme, I can’t understand how anyone would do it.

SuzieHi Sun 08-Jan-23 19:33:20

I agree with others…… let them know the only dates you can do- - but only if it it suits you. Tell them they’ll have to fix alternatives for the rest.
They are trying to take advantage of you.

welbeck Sun 08-Jan-23 19:55:16

don't do any.
simply say,
no, this no longer works for me. will not be able to help you further.
don't apologise.
keep it short and factual.
you are not doing it. any of it. distance.
don't reveal your personal circumstances.
don't encourage parlying, or presuming on familiarity.
good luck.

pandapatch Sun 08-Jan-23 20:47:54

Yep - what FarNorth said.

midgey Sun 08-Jan-23 20:55:01

Good luck, hope you can refuse soon!

Beckett Mon 09-Jan-23 10:02:14

Many thanks for the replies. No they don't pay me but do sometimes treat me to meals out and gave me a lovely gift at Christmas. I live alone and know I can call on them if I need help with anything. I am in my middle 70s and am finding controlling 2 lively dogs on daily walks is becoming difficult.

I think I will invite them in for a drink and then explain to them that I whilst I am willing to help out I can't cover for all the dates they are away. I just hope it won't affect our relationship.

Lucca Mon 09-Jan-23 10:14:50

Why do people have dogs if they can’t look after them/walk them ?
Round here there are so many dog walking businesses.

nanna8 Mon 09-Jan-23 10:54:37

Tell them you are finding it more difficult now you are not so young. Only do the ones you are comfortable with and just tell them point blank. They probably haven’t even realised they are using you like this - perhaps they think you are actually enjoying it? Definitely talk to them, politely but firmly.

Applegran Mon 09-Jan-23 11:48:24

You should not worry about upsetting them - you can be polite and straight forward, and tell them the dates you can manage, and make it clear that you cannot/don't want to do so many weeks in the year. They may think you love having the dogs and would enjoy having them more - so you need to be polite and clear.

GrannyZoom Mon 09-Jan-23 12:19:35

Yes, a good idea, invite them and explain, suggest they hire a dog walker.
I am in my mid 70s and have just looked after my son's dog, a delight to look after, good recall, but managed to pull me over before I had removed his leash. I am still aching!