My grandson hates me.

If your small apartment is self contained, maybe spend more time in it, if you are not doing so already, and give your daughter and her family their space. Had a plan been discussed with your daughter regarding childcare, and how much time would be spent with them? Maybe you need to have a chat to iron things out. Also it sounds like your grandson, who I suspect is an only child, rather rules the roost. I looked after my grandchildren when they were younger, I lived nearby, but my daughter's husband expected me to leave their house as soon as either he or my daughter arrived home from work.

Well gaylemcedo hasn’t come back to give any further information so not really worth given any more time and consideration to the thread is there ?

Doesn't believe you, how? Doesn't she see him go with her or his father for errands so as not to have to stay with you? Can she ask her own son if what you are saying is true? I know it is, but she does not seem to want to admit it.

Lizzie44

You need a serious conversation with your daughter. What doesn't she believe? Perhaps she regards your grandson's behaviour as just stroppy and trivial. More seriously, why does she think you need to move out? Does she feel that the new arrangement hasn't worked out for the family as they had hoped, or is she just fed up with you complaining about your grandson and is adopting the position "if you don't like it here, you should move out"? Unpleasant situation for you and I hope you can sort it out with the some commonsense and mature discussion.

This.

Sounds to me as if the boy is still quite young - 7 or 8.

I remember that my parents went on making the jokes that had been funny when I was, say 5, two years later, when I felt much too old for that kind of baby nonsense.

I suspect something similar is going on here, plus that the child is finding it hard to get used to having his gran around all the time.

See less of him - stay in your own part of the house a little more, so he feels he has the option of not seeing you all the time.

More worrying is the fact that you say your daughter doesn't believe you and thinks perhaps you should move again.

I don't know if this is even possible for you, but unless you and your daughter can frankly discuss why she feels like this, I would not be in a hurry to make any decisions.

Give yourselves time to settle down in this new reality.

Why don't you, as a family, sit down and discuss the whole situation? It sounds like your daughter may also be having second thoughts.. Have any of you calmly asked your grandson what this changed situation means for him, or if he has any fears or worries with regard to it. Talk it out and make adjustments that suit you all... maybe less integration and more space for you all...

Could be an age thing ~ my DGD stays one or two nights every weekend, recently she has wanted to stay in my bedroom (where she sleeps) rather than being with us in other parts of the house we asked her if she would come out but said ’Sometimes I want to be alone’. We respect that feeling because she has very noisy younger twin brothers at home. She is 10, very slim but I can see her becoming broader in her hips - I was surprised to learn that now puberty starts around age 9.
I can remember being irritated by aunts who would sing over music I was listening to.
So I don’t think your GS hates you, it is probably that he feels you are ‘always there’. It is a big adjustment for you all to live together, but if I was in your position I would want to be self-contained and have a sitting room to be alone and it’s likely your GS feels the same. We have to accept the gradual moving away of children as they begin to embark on more independent lives.

Good advice already given, first thing that springs to mind for me is, why on earth didn’t you try it out the new living arrangements for a period of time before selling your home. That old saying “ you don’t know anyone until you live with them” springs to mind.

You need a serious conversation with your daughter. What doesn't she believe? Perhaps she regards your grandson's behaviour as just stroppy and trivial. More seriously, why does she think you need to move out? Does she feel that the new arrangement hasn't worked out for the family as they had hoped, or is she just fed up with you complaining about your grandson and is adopting the position "if you don't like it here, you should move out"? Unpleasant situation for you and I hope you can sort it out with the some commonsense and mature discussion.

He doesn't hate his granny he is just going through a phase. Don't take it to heart maybe cut back on the jokes if they don't impress him. He will come round they always do no matter their age.

At present this sounds like teething problems and hopefully things will settle down. It often sounds like a good idea to move granny in but in my experience with friends of my mum those who had a small flat or property round the corner were far happier.

You’ve gone from a granny to an every day care giver, parental role. He will take time, maybe try do granny things with him and not take on the every day things. What did you do before that you don’t do now? And stay out of family dynamics, let them all
Have their space and try be a nanny to him again. In his eyes you are now another adult in his life, rather than a nanny figure. I went on holiday with my family and my granddaughter ignored me for week , I think they like us as a separate person to spoil them. Kids are funny things sometimes,

My gran came to live with us when I was ten. I caused huge upheaval for our family. My brother was 16 and he found it very difficult. We were short of space and could no longer bring our friends into the house. I was young enough to adapt but my brother moved out when he was 18. Dont underestimate the effect of having a gran move in.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you Gayle. I will be sad when my dgds ‘grow’ out of me, but I expect it will happen sooner or later.
I’m sure he doesn’t hate you though, and will come back to you when he is more mature and knows you love him.
Lots of other supportive messages above, I hope you can manage to find lots of things to do to make you feel better about yourself. Tricky though when you’re living with your family.

Franbern I think what you said was exactly right.

Oh for goodness sake, of COURSE she wants to be liked - nay, loved - by a 'kid' that is her grandson! The reaction of the grandson can be worked out, I'm sure, on the basis of age/peer pressure etc. What I don't understand is daughter suggesting gaylemcdo move out. Clearly proper discussion called for, and also maybe plenty of activities outside the home. You can't put all your emotional eggs in one basket - families can be tricky, as we know.

Hetty58

'gaylemcdo' hasn't returned to say how old the grandson is. I assume primary age, and probably resents being collected from school by somebody new. Maybe he feels grandma is always around (in his face and on his case)?

I do wonder about this need to be 'liked' by a small kid, too. Is too much expected from this new life? Why not get on with your own things and let the family have some space?

My granny would have been devastated if we didn't like/love her. Fortunately for her (???) she died before we reached the obnoxious teenage stage.

'gaylemcdo' hasn't returned to say how old the grandson is. I assume primary age, and probably resents being collected from school by somebody new. Maybe he feels grandma is always around (in his face and on his case)?

I do wonder about this need to be 'liked' by a small kid, too. Is too much expected from this new life? Why not get on with your own things and let the family have some space?

As a child I would love our weekly visit to my grandmother, however when she moved in, I was ten,things changed.

When I used to visit I would like the way she was so interested in what I had been doing, her fussiness over things was funny,her repeating of stories was comforting. But living with it was suffocating and irritating. I dealt with it by rarely being in the same room as her and remember sighing and tutting when told to go and spend time with her.

In no way am I saying this is your situation, it just reminded me of how it was for me as a child.

However, if you have invested your money in the place you're all living, you need to remind your DD that if you move out, you'll have to sell and that would mean they'll have to move too.

Protect your financial interests!

My DGS and DD live with me. When I worked and Mum was at home, I was the favourite. I'd swoop in and do bedtime and take him on trips at the weekend.

Now, we've swapped. DD/Mum is at work and I'm the boring, day-in, day-out childcare. Mum has gone from being 2nd best to his favourite.

I'm not gonna lie, it does hurt, and those on here saying it's silly to feel that way are unrealistic. However, we do have to remember that we are the adults and that as grandparents we are only of secondary importance. So, while it hurts, we have to grin and bear it.

This is just a phase. Give him space. I'm afraid that children often find being seen with "old" people very embarrassing. It does nothing for their Street Cred' and they can't relate to another generation very easily. Don't take it personally. Do your own thing and don't try to enter into his world at the moment. It will pass.

I’m wondering what the daughter doesn’t believe gaylemcdo about. There are probably so many more things we don’t know about, but I would just be inclined to let the boy have some space, and wait for him to come round. Perhaps if he’s older you could ask him if he’s unhappy about you being there? I know my own sons were most intolerant of the Bodach’s mother and stepfather’s ‘jokes’, and how they spoke to them as if they were babies ( rather than the macho 12, 10, and 8 year olds they were!)

He probably tells his parents he hates them too - children are like that aren’t they? My 8 year old Gd screamed that she hated her mummy for ever because D refused to French plait her hair at bedtime over Christmas and 6 year old GS sobbed “You’ve ruined my life” when his mummy tried to hurry him up getting ready for school!
I think we feel it more because they are so special to us and as visitors we are special to them! Take it as a sign of acceptance, but for your own happiness perhaps dial down the Granny input (no jokes!) and don’t force the issue.
Remember those sayings-Familiarity breeds contempt and Absence makes the heart grow fonder!

You sold your house so presumably you paid in to or bought the place your living now? Can you now sell and buy somewhere nearby?
Kids like to visit but not sure they feel the same when you all live together, unless it was like that from when they were babies, perhaps it feels like having 2 mums opinions on their coming and going, I