Moving nearer to grandchildren

I’m totally confused Maw. I recall the Sunninghill thread too, just last month I think. Perhaps OP could help lift the fog. I do hate it when people ask for opinions and never return. Surely it’s bad manners not to thank people for their help.

I remember the previous thread because we looked at Sunninghill, albeit very many years ago.

We looked at Sunninghill in the 1980s but wanted to upsize then and it was rather expensive. It seemed to be a pleasant place to live. But our DC were young then (and so were we) and we had different expectations of what we wanted.

In the event we were forced to move further away due to DH's firm relocating us.

Lots of good advice here for you Queenie2 from experienced Grans with GC, which I don’t have.

I do have experience of Sunninghill though for you on your other thread, having lived there for 20 years and still visit regularly.

When I retired 5 years ago I decided to move. On suggesting to my eldest DD (3.5hr drive away) I move closer to her and my GC she pooh poohed the idea saying I’d hardly see them as they are at school/college all week and busy with activities at weekends. She said far better to move somewhere still close to friends and they can visit me or I could visit them and we would have quality time together - and she was right about that. Visiting them is like a little holiday.

I ended up moving into the same village as my youngest DD and SiL (no GC just a dog) and now only 2.5hrs from the GC.

I don’t see my youngest DD very often but its lovely to know she’s just up the road and when I had recent surgery she collected me from the hospital and I stayed with her a few days. Also she and my SiL were my Covid bubble. I joined the U3A, it’s taken a while to settle and build new friendships but really happy.

As long as you don't expect to see a lot more of the family it could be fine.

And as long as you like the area and can imagine yourself living there if they upped and went, as a better job comes up, etc.

We had this dilemma a couple of years ago. My parents moved many years ago to where we had moved and spent many happy years watching our children grow and building a lovely life around us. Fast forward 35 years and they had long gone, we'd retired and one son had emigrated where he's since had 2 children, our other son lived 2 hours away so there was nothing keeping us in the town we'd lived in for so long. We thought about moving closer to our son and his family but in the end decided this wouldn't be the right thing to do - our granddaughters were adults and the whole family lead very busy lives so the chances were we would not see much of them and would be living in an unfamiliar area. We decided to uproot and come back to our old home town where we grew up. We have picked up many old friends and still have some of my husband's family here. It's the best thing we could have done as we now have a much better social life and don't feel we would be a burden to son should he decide to relocate.

I would say as other have think carefully about what you want from a move. If it's simply to be closer to your GC how would you feel if they decided to move away and would you be able to make a new life in unfamiliar surroundings without them? If the new area is somewhere you'd really like to be on your own then maybe spend a few weeks there to find the best location possible so should the family all leave you will be able to stay and feel settled.

I would NOT move out of my area. GC soon grow up, only need their parents first, friends second.

Sounds as though you are happy enough about relocating anywhere ..rejoining groups, volunteering etc . I think thats the key. Being ok about your own life. Geography may make it easier but only time can tell how it would work. Good luck whatever you choose to do.

My parents upped stick and moved with me -a 19 year old mad at the unnecessary upheaval - across Manchester to be near their GK, it worked for them as not too far.but I would think very long and hard before committing, nowadays a nomad existence is common as jobs are chased and travel cheap and plentiful, GK can get a move abroad so easily and they're only kids for a blink of an eye! Do what your true gut instincts tell you , and be a little selfish too, it's may pay dividends, after all driving at 17ish they can easily come see you too!!

Seems to me that you’re the type of person that would be happy anywhere. Let your family know what you have in mind as you’ve shared with us. You will be close enough if you want to be but just far enough to have a fulfilling (and an independent) life of your own. 👍

i would echo all the valid points made previously.You can make a pro and con list, ask folk, but i would say that what are your instincts/gut saying? Maybe i am not the best person to advise as 5 years my son and 2 gc now four moved from england to Northern ireland.Before xmas i had it straight that this year i would move to be nearer them. 3 weeks of NI wind and rain,not seeing friends, a touch of cabin fever, made me step back a little! Its a big decision, making friends as we age ? is it as easy? some will love the move others less so. I think the idea of living in the area for a good while, a good idea,without the stress of uprooting everything. If a move does not work, then you could always come back!
it is one of the toughest decisions i am yet to make!

We moved across the country 5 years ago. I have never regretted it. Sure we miss friends we had known for 50+ years, but the draw was our daughter, son in law grandchildren. My children grew up without grandparents, so I feel it is important to be there for them. We are very lucky, ours are a delight.
The friends come and visit. We go and visit.
I always thought of it as an adventure for us, both in our 70s. We have health problems but just love it. There is lots you can do and join.
Our son lives in the US and Air travel is much easier from where we are now.
Yes trust your gut and I am sure you will make the best decision for you. It has to be for you.

I don't mean living with them, we have our own house not far from them.

If you intend moving for other reasons then yes, go for it, but don't go just to be near your grandchildren. As others have said they grow up and they'll soon be fleeing the nest.

Queenie2 - you sound like a proactive person who's already worked out the logic - you need to downsize, you're a widow who's active but with no partner who might have strong friendship/hobby ties with your current locality, and you know your grandchildren will be another 10 years before they're off to college/uni. Go for it is my advice. Of course you'll discuss this with your family but I don't see why you can't say openly that you'd like to be more in the GCs' lives. Good luck with the decision.

I would say go for it. You sound as if you are prepared to put a bit of effort into getting to know people and developing interests in your new area. All positive stuff. Yes its true you cant be sure your GC will be around and interested in having a relationship with you in the future, but providing you have built up a life of your own that doesnt matter. You will have closer contact at least in the shorter term and be able to share their lives whilst they are growing up. I have a friend who relocated across the country to be about ten miles from young GCs and hasnt regretted it for a minute. She is outgoing and proactive, has joined a choir, U3A and a walking group, keeps in contact with friends from her previous city and is part of her GCs lives. She is miles away from me but we exchange regular Zoom calls and are still close.

I live a 150 miles from my son and granddaughter and three great grandchildren, another grandson and great grand daughter who live on the IOW and grandson hundred miles away and as I am housebound and they are busy living their own lives am thankful now for technology that enables us to keep in touch at any time.

I have been thinking about moving nearer to my son and his family for over a year now. Not really because I want to be nearer to my grandchildren - they have busy lives and because they live a long way from me I haven't been a hands-on granny when they were very small. It would be nice to see more of them, although I know that's not guaranteed, but my main reason for considering a move is that I would be closer to my DS (who is an only child) should my life/health deteriorate. I certainly don't expect my DS and DiL to provide care for me but I know from my own experience how difficult it is to support an elderly parent when they live many miles away. My neighbour recently lost her husband and her 2 ACs have had to travel for hours from their homes and back every weekend, whilst working full-time and with families of their own to look after. I don't really want to move from my current home which I like, and I don't particularly like the (far more expensive) county in which my son lives, but I feel that moving closer might make the situation easier for my son should problems arise in future.

My feelings exactly Grandmagrewit.

Very good advice here Queenie. If you are sure you will enjoy living in the new area and want to downsize, go for it. Being closer to family will be a bonus.

Do it now. Go for it. We did it and have never looked back. I spent years driving up and down the motorway looking after my parents 100 miles away from me. Make things easy for your son or daughter .

We moved 10 years ago and see our GC lots and babysittng is a joy. Good Luck you won't regret it.

You sound very resourceful and able to make a life for yourself, with no doubt occasional input from your family.

I think moving nearer to your family should be nice for you - and will save a lot of worry for them. I spent several years travelling once a week - 6 hours there and back - to see my Mum. It became a real concern as she grew older, but she was unwilling to move or go in a home. Although she had a friend who visited once a week, most of her friends were dead and other visitors, apart from Meals on Wheels and, latterly, carers twice a day, were rare.

As you appear to be an independent and positive person, provided you are careful in choosing the right area with proper amenities, I think you should go.

For me personally I really don’t think grandparents should be following children around and what if you have three or four children how does that work ? Or a job offer comes up and they move away, or it holds them back
Surely our children move to follow their lives, their dreams and it’s their lives without a growing older adult (s) to have to add to their list of ‘looking out for’
My ten years older than me friend has three sons in various parts of uk she would never dream of moving to be near one or other they take it in turns to have a weekend with her now and then and do lots of jobs ( financial etc ) for her over the internet They are always in touch at the end of the phone and would drive to her within hours if needed personally I think that’s pretty sensible
But each to their own and good luck if you move we re all different