What should I do with my granny's engagement ring?

My husband’s grandmother’s two diamond rings went to her eldest daughter. When she died without ever having had children she left her estate to her favourite niece.

The niece (DH’s cousin) offered the rings to us, as she had no children either and DH was the only one of all the cousins to have daughters. I thought this was a nice gesture, but she then changed her mind and kept them. All her possessions later went straight to a house clearance company when she died, and I did feel sorry that the rings weren’t kept in the family. I’m pretty certain our girls would have remodelled and worn them in some form, and they both have a feel for family history.

So yes, if I were you I’d offer the ring to your cousins, so that it stayed in the family if anyone would use it. It’s entirely your decision though, of course. And perhaps, though you say you don’t have daughters, you may have a daughter in law or granddaughters who would like it?

I would first check that your cousin likes it and would wear it. If she does, give it to her, if she doesn't find someone who does, and give it to whomever.

When my mother died, a ring was passed on to me that was bought for her by my grandma just after I was born. I`ve had it repaired, at some cost, it`s too small for me, but I wear it on a gold chain around my neck.

My sister and I shared our mother's jewellery; as she hasn't had a daughter she's given some of her share to mine (off her own bat, we hadn't discussed it.) I'd say, pass it on if you'd like to - and I would if I were you.

Just do what you think you want to do !! It’s your ring and your choice! Xx

I’d pass it on - you don’t want it, it would be a lovely gesture - win win 😘

I had my Gm's wedding ring. I didn't know her. It did not fit me and sat on my box for years. So, I decided to sell online and bought another one. By coincidence it was the same year 1895.

No right or wrong, do whatever would make you feel more comfortable

Yes give it to her daughter. You felt that was the right thing and it is, as you won't wear it. Her daughter is the offspring from that ring...her mother and father and it is right that she has it now. Well done, good thinking. Yes she gave it to you and that was nice. But now it needs to go through the family line via her daughter to her own daughters and on and on. ignore the grabby grabbersons here who think more about self-entitlement than what is right.

I think I would offer it to your cousin, If she refuses then keep it without having to feel uncomfortable.

What will happen to it when you die? Once something is given to a person, they then own it and it is up to them what they do with it. If you don't want it, and it sounds as if you don't, please do pass it on to your Aunt who looked after her.
You don't need to go into any explanation, just say that you think it would be nice if she had it now, you have enjoyed it and now you would like her to have it.
Hope this helps.x

My mother lived to a great age. As the eldest girl, she had her mothers engagement and wedding ring. She wrote a letter of wishes that her rings and those of her mother were to be divided between her three daughters. Ah but 4 by three does not work and two were diamonds. It was decided that the eldest choose first so eldest sister took my mother's engagement ring with the better stones. I took my grandmothers thinking of my daughter and even myself as I never had a 'sparkler'. It fits perfectly also. That left the two wedding bands for young sister. Now the oldest is claiming she never took the good ring, totally forgotten how it was quickly chosen on day of funeral in mid covid. So it is now lost ....

My daughter's mother in law to be and myself pooled some
family gold rings which had been collecting dust and were
all too small/very thin to be worn or appreciated.
Together they were melted down and made into a Wedding
ring much to the satisfaction of us all. Alot of Grandma's are
in that ring.

She gave it to you. It's yours.

singingnutty - your say your grandma played quite a big part in your life when you were a small child, which means that you must also have been important to her, and brought her some pleasure - the pleasure that a grandchild does bring. It was her choice to let you know how much she loved you. Also, the fact that your grandfather left her maybe two decades after he met her doesn't mean that she would automatically want to erase the happy memories she had of when she became engaged. Those memories don't suddenly become meaningless decades later when relationships change, so I would say that the ring was given to you as something precious to her, and I would keep it. Maybe in the future if you want to talk to you aunt about it in nothing more than a general conversation you might explore the reaction and if there's any comment that tells you she might like to wear it then you have another scenario to consider. Remember that your grandma knew she had daughters and that she could if she had wanted, bequeathed the ring to one of them, but chose not to.

Clearly most everyone here feels the ring should (as is) go to whomever you are comfortable with.

Another option that might please you… have you considered taking g’ma’s and your mother’s rings to a jeweler to see if the metals can be melted down and refashioned into a new more modern style? Something that you would wear?

If there are stones, a good jewelry designer would be able to incorporate (or not). Of course this does involve money to create a new sentimental piece. But the chances of it being accepted in the future as a saught-after piece… it might be worth it because of the upgrade, and it won’t be forgotten, lost or even thrown away.
Cheers!
USA Gundy

Yes halfpint1 I thought of that as a good idea... but the younger folk dont seem to be bothered with the wedding bit. Six great granchildren with no 'married' parents. Also there are different grades of gold in the two sets of rings. I am sad also at how little interest there was in having a memento from her house as she stipulated in her 'letter of wishes'.

You know what you feel you ought to do with the ring, so why not just do it?

The only reason for not giving it to one of your cousins, as far as I can see, could be that you are afraid the other two might be hurt.

If this is what is holding you back from giving the ring to one of them, I suggest you give it, saying that it is the only thing you have that was your and their grandmother's and that as you have no-one to leave it to, and you would like it to remain in the family that you hope one of your cousins, or their daughters would like to have it.

I had a silver bangle given to me by my paternal grandmother. I sent it as a present to a little great.niece on that side of the family, and it was greatly appreciated.

Personally I would have flogged it asap seeing as the bloke who bought it was a wrong'un!!! Give it to nearest relative.

I have my grandmothers beautiful and expensive engagement ring however my grandfather sexually abused me and I can't bear to wear it. I have thought of giving it to my daughter or giving it to a charity that specialises in supporting survivors of sexual abuse.

Why not use the materials in the ring made into say, earrings or a pendant. Your aunt gave it to you so accept it.I have two wedding rings, the original with engraving inside became too small and if enlarged the engraving would be destroyed. 2nd one a replacement with no engraving. Both would have gone to my DD for her to have along with my mother's rings. Sadly the rings came back to me on her death (no children). All going to only GD now. I know of quite a few women who have converted their own wedding and engagement rings into other bits of jewellery following death of their partner.

I'm with Chestnut. Do whatever feels most comfortable to you. Seems reasonable to offer it to the daughter who has looked after your aunt. If you're worried that it might cause family friction, then keep it in its box and leave it to whoever you like in your will!

When my children were small (1951) we lived in a small top floor flat in London and were not very well off. So we sold my grandmothers rings and bought a touring caravan on a site in the country so that every weekend and school holidays we could escape to the country.

I think you should keep the ring and wear it as a tribute to your gran. She must have thought a lot of the ring, and of you, even though her marriage did not work out. It was your grandmother's ring, she was good to you. You should wear it with pride and love.

I have my maternal grandmothers very modest engagement. Sometimes I wear it, when I want to channel her forthright and in charge qualities.

Some things are of a value beyond their material worth.