When things break down...

👍. You’re part way to getting the problem solved, Maw! You might be right about the hire car speeding things up. I was given a hire car after a three week delay. I only had it for 48hrs (and got to grips with a manual gear box again!) when my own car was suddenly ready.

Whitewavemark2

My Virgin box isn’t working, but I’m being told by Virgin that it is the tv, I’m 90% certain that it is the box and not tv - need our son to have a look as we simply don’t have enough technical knowledge - grrr!

Have you gone into settings on both TV and the box (ours is Humax) and reconnected to the Wifi by putting in the pin number?

It didn't work when I just did it on the TV, I had to re-set both, although I've no idea why it had disconnected itself.

Right, little car has been flat bedded to the Skoda garage (it’s still under warranty or I would have looked closer to home) and I take delivery of a courtesy car tomorrow - result!
Whether I can keep it until mine is ready, who knows, but “dumping” my car at the garage while they fork out for a hire care might help to focus their minds. Thank you helpful Skoda Assistance breakdown!
But many of you have “got” the difference of dealing with things on one’s own and that has helped 🙏

Whitewavemark2

My Virgin box isn’t working, but I’m being told by Virgin that it is the tv, I’m 90% certain that it is the box and not tv - need our son to have a look as we simply don’t have enough technical knowledge - grrr!

I’ve got a collection of Talk Talk tv boxes because every time catchup tv stops working they send me another box. It never is the box. The tv guy that came out today says Talk Talk keep him in business.

I sympathise with you Maw. Do you have a good relationship with your garage/electrical engineer/computer wizard etc? These relationships are important if you are on your own. You need to be able to trust they won't rip you off and they will help you when you need them.

When all else fails I start making lists of what needs to be done and how I am going to do it. If I have to have patience I fill in anxious time with knitting/jigsaws/watching good videos on You Tube. Then I write up results as they happen. I am naturally neurotic but I do find that this helps calm my nerves.

I feel your pain, Maw! Not being in total control panics me these days, something which never used to happen. I am recovering from a roof leak, dealt with at less than the estimate by a competent local firm; until the scaffolding goes (next week with luck) I won’t feel the house is my own. No justification for my discomfort but it’s just how things are nowadays.

My Virgin box isn’t working, but I’m being told by Virgin that it is the tv, I’m 90% certain that it is the box and not tv - need our son to have a look as we simply don’t have enough technical knowledge - grrr!

I think, Maw, that being the person who always copes is a bit like being the troublesome toddler!

Both are more fun if you have an audience!

I have when alone dissolved in tears over things that if any member of the family had been nearby, I would have dealt with promptly without a fuss.

Neither of us can remember the exact occasion,, but my husband claims that once years ago when we could not get some appliance to work and no-one would make any helpful suggestions or even come and look at the blasted thing, I volunteered to phone the firm and did so. He sat with his mouth hanging open, I quote "listening to my competant wife with two university degrees in her baggage acting the little helpless dumb blond girl on the phone.AND it worked!"

I have graduated to the "little old helpless woman routine" now, at least if I expect anyone to actually come to fix it, as a) I never in my life was blond, and b) I suspect that at 71 the little helpless blond lassie won't cut any ice any more.

Give it a try! Badger all the local mechanics until someone sends someone to fix those brakes.

Could you ask if the garage provides a courtesy car? Sometimes you have to pay a bit extra, or it may be covered by your insurance. Of all the things to have taken away from you, the car represents your freedom and your being in control of your life. I can understand why it feels disconcerting.

With you all the way Maw.
My tyre light came on ten days after the tyres had been checked. Tyres checked again by lovely tyre guys - fine, but light wouldn't go off. Then randomly it goes off, then back on, just in time for the icy weather. Back to tyre guys.
'I'm so sorry to waste your time again'
'No, in this weather, we'd rather test tyres that are fine, than risk anyone driving on faulty tyres'
(Their parents taught them well!)

As corner says, it's the being trapped, I think. You will, no doubt, think of loads of things that you need to do involving a car.

I think it can be sheer frustration at not being able to fix it ourselves. Cars nowadays, though, really aren’t fixable at home, you have no choice but to call in the experts and then you’re at their mercy.

I drove my car into flood water (accidentally!) last year and I was so cross at myself for doing such a stupid thing. It was on a remote single-lane country road and I couldn’t get anyone to rescue it for two days, by which time local residents were getting cross that they were having to drive a different way to normal. I understand that was annoying for the. but did they think I was enjoying having my car stuck in a flood ten miles from home?? And the queen died while I was sitting marooned in a foot of water and then walking several miles home in sodden clothing!!

A month of endless phone calls and no one doing their job followed that, plus the extra car crash of the Truss/Kwarteng partnership was happening and I felt like the world was ending at times. I did eventually get my car back (had initially been told it would likely be written off) but it was a horrible time, all told, when everything seemed to be spiralling out of control.

Have you checked that the dealership won’t lend you a car, Maw? Alternatively, check your insurance, as that may include car hire. I hope it’s repaired soon.

Same here - I do not seem to be able to take things in my stride anymore. I get easily overwhelmed when one or two things break down in the house although I never break down in tears. I will not be able to sleep if I spotted any kind of leaks.

Technology stresses me out as well. The other day I wanted to assess an overseas government website and part of their security involved face recognition. I almost pulled my hair out, took me 11 tries to get it to work. If my husband had to do it, he would have simply thrown the computer out of the window!

When I complained to my daughter, she said 'Think about those people in Syria / Turkey who are victims of an earthquake, what you have to deal with is no big deal in the scheme of things'.

Which did not make me feel any better.

If your car is under warranty and the dealership is coming for it, would they not give you a courtesy car until your is fixed.

I do understand what you mean though about not coping with things that you could cope with years ago.

If it something I can fix myself it isn't an issue. If it need a workman, mechanic whatever, I always worry that they won't turn up/will rip me off because I am an older woman and therefore gullible.

I don't feel gullible but think that I am perceived as such because I am older.

Hope you get your car fixed soon. I have always had Skodas. They are usually very reliable cars.

Cars are great aren’t they, until there’s a problem!
My take on the anxiety bit is this; when we’re working and very busy we don’t dwell on the things that go wrong or have the potential to go wrong. We just have to sort it.
When we have more time on our hands we dwell on difficulties and can make them more difficult than they really are.
I do hope the brakes are sorted soon.

When DH worked away I got used to coping, sorting everything out but nowadays I find I'm less capable. Either inertia has set in or it seems to be more of a mountain to climb.

If I do fix something I feel very pleased with on myself - I sorted out the smart TV the other night when it decided it just wasn't smart any more
And, as reported on another thread, I fixed the Dyson too 😀

I don't think I could tackle car brakes, though.

Can the garage take up your car in and lend you a courtesy car if they are waiting for parts, MawtheMerrier?

I am not sure how old your car is but if it is older than 3 years why are you bothering with the dealership, your local garage or AGE /Kwik Fit dealership would be just as good . TBH I have always had brilliant service at our local ATS, and are not made to feel like a silly women at all.

I came very close to throwing my computer out of an upstairs window a la 70’s rock star a few years ago. I get so frustrated at not being able to get things to work. My main frustration being that I don’t know if something is actually broken or if I’ve done something to it to stop it working. I’m dog sitting at my daughters next week and I doubt if I’ll be able to get her tv to work.

Dear Maw I find I get really stressed over the little niggles, whereas the big things I am able to cope with.

Oh, Maw! I know exactly where you're coming from.

Despite being an averagely intelligent and reasonably practical person, I cannot cope easily with the major or minor domestic crises. The dishwasher was leaking water. I cried. My printer refused to work. I sobbed for hours. A tile fell off the wall in the shower and I couldn't sleep properly for worrying about it.

In the days when OH was still alive, we'd have dealt with these little incidents together, either by ourselves or by calling in professional help. When you're on your own, however, even minor breakdowns seem to assume overwhelming significance and prey on your mind.

Maybe part of it is due to ageing and to unconsciously absorbing society's general presumption that an older woman is somehow less competent at dealing with life. Mostly, however, I think it's because, after a lifetime of sharing worries and jointly seeking solutions, you're suddenly in sole charge and the responsibility is all your own. It can be scary and overwhelming.

So you're not alone. Here's a sympathetic (((hug))) and I hope your car gets fixed soon.

Lovely replies- thank you all.
Being fiercely independent I hate asking favours but I know my friends won't see me stuck.
Alas Hetty
If you've got no car for a couple of weeks - is it really a big deal? Get cabs instead, I do (never did drive)

Living where I do in a village, buses are few and far between (and stop by 6) and cabs at £10-15 a throw to the town are prohibitive-also as I found out last year when I was between cars, often simply unavailable !
I will be fine of course, there's Internet shopping, and this will be yet another year when I don't get to the Olney pancake race!
The car is to be "recovered" to the Skoda garage within the next 24 hours as it seems quite a major issue and it is still under warranty. (I would be happy to use my local village mechanic but there are some things he admits are beyond him regarding parts and spares).
But thank you all - it was just what I needed!

“Oh just get over it Maw”
(Well someone had to say it!). 🤣

Seriously though, I do think vulnerability on one’s own plays a big part. A friend of mine, a retired professional woman, can’t believe what just overwhelms her these days. Yes, she copes, but often has a crisis of confidence in the interim.

Hetty58

If you've got no car for a couple of weeks - is it really a big deal? Get cabs instead, I do (never did drive). You could delegate. My single friend gets her brother to arrange all repairs etc. - as she's convinced that garages and tradespeople will overcharge a woman. I suspect that she's right in a lot of cases.

I don’t think it’s possible to understand how it makes you feel to be without your car if you’ve never been a driver. The biggest thing your car gives you is control, you don’t have to rely on anybody else to do things for you, until it goes wrong. I completely sympathise MawtheMerrier, it’s happened to me too, and I resorted to hiring a car for two weeks whilst mine was out of action.

I live in Yorkshire !