When things break down...

If you've got no car for a couple of weeks - is it really a big deal? Get cabs instead, I do (never did drive). You could delegate. My single friend gets her brother to arrange all repairs etc. - as she's convinced that garages and tradespeople will overcharge a woman. I suspect that she's right in a lot of cases.

I have no words of wisdom. All I can say, is, if you lived closer Mr Streep would fix your brakes.
That doesn’t help though, does it. Sorry 😟

When I am at my last nerve, feel wobbly - I walk. And then I walk some more. Come inside, have a wine, sit snuggling dogs.

I remember I'm God's child, He loves me just as I am, putting trials in my path to grow me. Remember, always, you're perfect, just as you are!

Sometimes things going wrong can seem overwhelming at any stage in life especially when we have to deal with things alone but we can,and do,get through the bad times.
Cry,scream if you want to and you find it helps let the tension out.
Good luck with getting your car fixed.x

I can’t comfort you but can say I know exactly what you mean.
I go into total stress mode at the slightest thing.
My G D is recovering from surgery , she had it last Wednesday.
She is quite incapacitated and at 85 I feel run ragged and tired out.
I should say I am the only one to do it, she doesn’t have a relationship with her parents.
Long story almost unbelievable.
Then on Sunday she went into the bathroom to a flood,water everywhere.
She couldn’t help and I just panicked.
Her friend was here and she helped me, we turned the water off and long story short she has arranged for a plumber to come first thing tomorrow.
It could only be the weekend of course.
I feel so alone without my H’s guidance or just his physical and calming presence.
Good luck with the car .
Another thing I’ve just remembered I am so scared of being ripped off, very elderly lady all alone.

One of the most stressful things that ever happened to me was when my car broke down in the nearby town a few years ago. There was something about it not starting and then having to get towed home that made me feel very vulnerable. I think that, not having a car that works makes you feel that you couldn’t flee if you needed to? Or ( this is the important bit) get the dog to the vets in an emergency! Our cars are like an extension of ourselves.

When I feel the way you do I have to think of a friend who has my back.. because for me, just talking about the problem is usually enough to get me back to the reality that I can cope and that I am resilient and resourceful...

as I'm sure you are Maw.. it's in the mind that we make problems (until and if they actually happen)

For myself maw greater maturity has bright all sorts of anxieties that were never part of my makeup. I used to drive anywhere without a concern. I’m currently trying not to look as if I’m worried about driving on Saturday very early to a city I hate to take Mr C to a hospital on a steep hill with no car park. If I have to park at the top of the hill I know at the least I’ll struggle to retrieve the car. Inside I’m already in a flap. I’m cross with myself for being a wimp, but that’s my reality.

Car brakes are not something you or I have the expertise to fix or perhaps to properly understand. We usually have an idea why a washing machine has stopped or is kindly washing the kitchen floor for us. Dishwashers too. Even a roof is understandable. Car brakes? I’m certainly less familiar with the way they work than I am with the basics of my washing machine. I do know they are essential for my safety and the safety of others. They have to be right.

There’s also an issue I think about not feeling trapped, being without a car certainly gives me that feeling and I hate it. I also hate being the helpless woman who ‘can’t’. I’ve no idea if any of this resonates with you, just an attempt to say you aren’t alone. Tomorrow it will all seem better, or maybe it is by now if the AA man has sorted it and explained the problem.

I completely understand. I’m very lucky to still have Mr GSM but I can now feel (even be) quite tearful now about things I used to take in my stride. When we rely on something its potential removal, even when not actually needed, makes us feel vulnerable and I’m sure it worsens with age. It will be fixed Maw, and you’ll cope just fine. In the meantime, have a 🍷

Does the car have to go to the dealership? Perhaps a trusted local garage would have space earlier, if the AA can’t fix it.

We alllll have blips in life.... hold your head high, tell yourself I can do this, I CAN AND I WILL

Like I say there are times in our lives when we feel absolutely overwhelmed with the simplest of things, but you are STRONGER THAN YOU THINK .... YOU CAN DO THIS......

IF I lived near you I would take you where you needed to go.... NOTHING IS UNACHIEVABLE... ( unless you want to fly !!!! 😕)

Head up, sleeves rolled up x

I live in Yorkshire !

Hetty58

If you've got no car for a couple of weeks - is it really a big deal? Get cabs instead, I do (never did drive). You could delegate. My single friend gets her brother to arrange all repairs etc. - as she's convinced that garages and tradespeople will overcharge a woman. I suspect that she's right in a lot of cases.

I don’t think it’s possible to understand how it makes you feel to be without your car if you’ve never been a driver. The biggest thing your car gives you is control, you don’t have to rely on anybody else to do things for you, until it goes wrong. I completely sympathise MawtheMerrier, it’s happened to me too, and I resorted to hiring a car for two weeks whilst mine was out of action.

“Oh just get over it Maw”
(Well someone had to say it!). 🤣

Seriously though, I do think vulnerability on one’s own plays a big part. A friend of mine, a retired professional woman, can’t believe what just overwhelms her these days. Yes, she copes, but often has a crisis of confidence in the interim.

Lovely replies- thank you all.
Being fiercely independent I hate asking favours but I know my friends won't see me stuck.
Alas Hetty
If you've got no car for a couple of weeks - is it really a big deal? Get cabs instead, I do (never did drive)

Living where I do in a village, buses are few and far between (and stop by 6) and cabs at £10-15 a throw to the town are prohibitive-also as I found out last year when I was between cars, often simply unavailable !
I will be fine of course, there's Internet shopping, and this will be yet another year when I don't get to the Olney pancake race!
The car is to be "recovered" to the Skoda garage within the next 24 hours as it seems quite a major issue and it is still under warranty. (I would be happy to use my local village mechanic but there are some things he admits are beyond him regarding parts and spares).
But thank you all - it was just what I needed!

Oh, Maw! I know exactly where you're coming from.

Despite being an averagely intelligent and reasonably practical person, I cannot cope easily with the major or minor domestic crises. The dishwasher was leaking water. I cried. My printer refused to work. I sobbed for hours. A tile fell off the wall in the shower and I couldn't sleep properly for worrying about it.

In the days when OH was still alive, we'd have dealt with these little incidents together, either by ourselves or by calling in professional help. When you're on your own, however, even minor breakdowns seem to assume overwhelming significance and prey on your mind.

Maybe part of it is due to ageing and to unconsciously absorbing society's general presumption that an older woman is somehow less competent at dealing with life. Mostly, however, I think it's because, after a lifetime of sharing worries and jointly seeking solutions, you're suddenly in sole charge and the responsibility is all your own. It can be scary and overwhelming.

So you're not alone. Here's a sympathetic (((hug))) and I hope your car gets fixed soon.

Dear Maw I find I get really stressed over the little niggles, whereas the big things I am able to cope with.

I came very close to throwing my computer out of an upstairs window a la 70’s rock star a few years ago. I get so frustrated at not being able to get things to work. My main frustration being that I don’t know if something is actually broken or if I’ve done something to it to stop it working. I’m dog sitting at my daughters next week and I doubt if I’ll be able to get her tv to work.

I am not sure how old your car is but if it is older than 3 years why are you bothering with the dealership, your local garage or AGE /Kwik Fit dealership would be just as good . TBH I have always had brilliant service at our local ATS, and are not made to feel like a silly women at all.

When DH worked away I got used to coping, sorting everything out but nowadays I find I'm less capable. Either inertia has set in or it seems to be more of a mountain to climb.

If I do fix something I feel very pleased with on myself - I sorted out the smart TV the other night when it decided it just wasn't smart any more
And, as reported on another thread, I fixed the Dyson too 😀

I don't think I could tackle car brakes, though.

Can the garage take up your car in and lend you a courtesy car if they are waiting for parts, MawtheMerrier?

Cars are great aren’t they, until there’s a problem!
My take on the anxiety bit is this; when we’re working and very busy we don’t dwell on the things that go wrong or have the potential to go wrong. We just have to sort it.
When we have more time on our hands we dwell on difficulties and can make them more difficult than they really are.
I do hope the brakes are sorted soon.

If your car is under warranty and the dealership is coming for it, would they not give you a courtesy car until your is fixed.

I do understand what you mean though about not coping with things that you could cope with years ago.

If it something I can fix myself it isn't an issue. If it need a workman, mechanic whatever, I always worry that they won't turn up/will rip me off because I am an older woman and therefore gullible.

I don't feel gullible but think that I am perceived as such because I am older.

Hope you get your car fixed soon. I have always had Skodas. They are usually very reliable cars.

Same here - I do not seem to be able to take things in my stride anymore. I get easily overwhelmed when one or two things break down in the house although I never break down in tears. I will not be able to sleep if I spotted any kind of leaks.

Technology stresses me out as well. The other day I wanted to assess an overseas government website and part of their security involved face recognition. I almost pulled my hair out, took me 11 tries to get it to work. If my husband had to do it, he would have simply thrown the computer out of the window!

When I complained to my daughter, she said 'Think about those people in Syria / Turkey who are victims of an earthquake, what you have to deal with is no big deal in the scheme of things'.

Which did not make me feel any better.

I think it can be sheer frustration at not being able to fix it ourselves. Cars nowadays, though, really aren’t fixable at home, you have no choice but to call in the experts and then you’re at their mercy.

I drove my car into flood water (accidentally!) last year and I was so cross at myself for doing such a stupid thing. It was on a remote single-lane country road and I couldn’t get anyone to rescue it for two days, by which time local residents were getting cross that they were having to drive a different way to normal. I understand that was annoying for the. but did they think I was enjoying having my car stuck in a flood ten miles from home?? And the queen died while I was sitting marooned in a foot of water and then walking several miles home in sodden clothing!!

A month of endless phone calls and no one doing their job followed that, plus the extra car crash of the Truss/Kwarteng partnership was happening and I felt like the world was ending at times. I did eventually get my car back (had initially been told it would likely be written off) but it was a horrible time, all told, when everything seemed to be spiralling out of control.

Have you checked that the dealership won’t lend you a car, Maw? Alternatively, check your insurance, as that may include car hire. I hope it’s repaired soon.