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If you do not like someone personally - can you listen to them?

(47 Posts)
Applegran Thu 16-Feb-23 12:44:19

I know that there are people in the news who I really do not like and I am at risk of an automatic response of disagreeing with whatever they say. I am working on this! I wonder how easy other people find it to really listen to someone they do not like. How possible does it feel to learn from them, or understand something more fully? Or does the dislike get in the way of really hearing what they say? I am trying to listen with an open mind - whether or not I like the person the ideas come from. What do others think?

Riverwalk Thu 16-Feb-23 12:52:54

Tony Blair... I don't disagree with anything he says because I'm afraid that I simply can't listen to a word he has to say. It's automatic and not something I deliberately do.

He's been out of office for many years - I need to get over it!

Theexwife Thu 16-Feb-23 12:56:04

I have that automatic response of disagreeing with those that I dislike, those in the media, on here, acquaintances and some family members.

If I agreed with them it may mean that I am the same as them and they are unlikeable.

We are all unlikable to somebody.

.

Nanatoone Thu 16-Feb-23 12:58:01

errr Dare I mention H&M? these two.

GagaJo Thu 16-Feb-23 13:07:42

I can think of a couple of examples.

I had a superviser once that I disliked (it was mutual). However, I was able to separate my dislike of her personal opinions and her work related ones. Work-wise, she was OK and made sense. Non work related stuff was totally different. Nuts and chaos.

Also, (previously) Prince Charles. He got on my nerves. I think he's weak and ineffective. But at the Jubilee I was touched by his speech about the Queen. He sounded as if he really got to grips and described what made her tick. And I liked that.

So I think it is possible to separate the two.

Quokka Thu 16-Feb-23 13:11:07

Jeremy Clarkson. Couldn’t bear to listen to his twaddle.

Quokka Thu 16-Feb-23 13:12:58

Nearer home - no. I’ve long since cut ties with those few that I can’t stand. Deliberately. Life’s too short l

LRavenscroft Thu 16-Feb-23 13:14:49

I am not talking about people in the public eye but ordinary everyday people. A lot will depend on where they are coming from. If they just want to be right and have you stroke their egos, then no, I take a walk. If however say they have been carers for many years, brought up a family single handed or done something brave and genuine, then I feel they have something to contribute and I may learn something from them. If it is just to have an ear, then no!

AGAA4 Thu 16-Feb-23 13:22:33

If I dislike someone it's usually because they are a bully, a liar, arrogant etc. and for that reason I find them hard to listen to.

Oreo Thu 16-Feb-23 13:28:44

I think it’s human nature Applegran that if we dislike somebody we back away from what they say as well.
I do sometimes think ‘he’s got a point there’ and so on when listening to someone on tv, even if I dislike him.It just makes it much harder😁

VioletSky Thu 16-Feb-23 13:45:58

I think it depends

I won't generally listen to anyone who starts with a personal insult and I will stop listening after one.

But I find it quite hard to dislike anyone based on their opinions or general manner and will always listen. Also I think people change their minds in respectful discussion, never arguments

And I'm rubbish at holding grudges, so it takes a LOT to make me stop talking to someone.

M0nica Thu 16-Feb-23 13:48:48

It is usually what people say that makes me dislike them, sometimes their actions cast doubt on their words.

But, to be honest, I am not very good at disliking people, at least not for very long.

Kate1949 Thu 16-Feb-23 13:51:11

I can listen to someone I dislike, although I don't dislike many people. If we're talking famous people, I can't stand Phillip Schofield. I find him smug, arrogant and up himself. Well that's how he appears to me. He's probably very nice!

Grandmabatty Thu 16-Feb-23 13:54:28

I have worked with people who I didn't like but had to get on with in a professional manner. It was achievable and a couple of them became, not quite friends, but warmer colleagues.

Fleurpepper Thu 16-Feb-23 14:17:09

Anyone who has worked in a professional setting knows that you just have to.

Forsythia Thu 16-Feb-23 14:23:01

It’s an interesting topic. I suppose I gravitate to people I feel comfortable with. We’ve all been in situations where we have had to listen to somebody that we might not agree with but not necessarily go as far as disliking them. I’m thinking of the workplace. Equally, as soon as certain people, Robert Peston being one, appear on TV I go out of the room. Any message he might impart goes by me completely whether I’d agree with him or not. Hmmmm. Interesting topic.

Wyllow3 Thu 16-Feb-23 14:52:12

I don't works and currently have no situations in my own life where I "have" to listen.

But I have a short list in terms of the media. Yes people like Clarkson and certain politicians I do have to literally switch off or down until the interview ended as they make me feel sick.

Norah Thu 16-Feb-23 14:58:18

I usually like to listen and hopefully learn. If not I listen, amuse myself talking back, in my head, as I did when a child in school.

Wyllow3 Thu 16-Feb-23 15:03:38

Norah that reminds me of my mum tho different from you...I declare she used to put on "Any Questions" on R4 just so she could have a good old shout back!

timetogo2016 Thu 16-Feb-23 15:26:17

No,if i don``t like someone whoever it is i switch off mentally and physically.

lyleLyle Thu 16-Feb-23 15:37:25

I’ve never been one to be ruled by my emotions, so I can listen to someone even if I don’t like them. I always consider it a maturity issue when one can’t listen to a person just because they don’t like them. Agreeing or disagreeing should depend entirely on the validity of the statement. Imagine if judges or police didn’t listen to people just because they didn’t like them. Where would civilization be if we all refused to listen to those we don’t like?

Mollygo Thu 16-Feb-23 15:45:08

I listen to people I dislike, in work or socially. You never know what you might learn. When it comes to repetition, on TV, there’s an off button and with those who constantly sing their own praises I just switch off.

AGAA4 Thu 16-Feb-23 16:36:57

Luckily there are hardly any people I dislike so I can listen to most people. The few I don't like are on TV so I can mute the sound if they start to irritate me.

Yammy Thu 16-Feb-23 18:04:08

Sharon Barber on our local news. Don't ask me why originally I took a dislike to her but now I listen and she talks a lot about medical issues she always to me sounds as if she made the medical breakthrough,its Great North this and that. I'm afraid I call her the great North G... and get told off because she is Australian.
The next-door neighbour I have tried for 10 years to like the person and every time I'm getting near, out pops the boasting and name-dropping. I now call her Mussolini after the film'Tea with Mussolini", I accidentally said it to a friend the other day and felt awful she laughed and said you can add Hitler to that from me.

JaneJudge Thu 16-Feb-23 18:15:36

I think it is difficult to be amenable if they manipulate situations and higher management don't deal with it effectively