Should I stay or should I go???

Move if you like it, you can still meet up with your sister, you will have your daughter nearby as she has hers

I think your sister is being selfish she’s thinking of herself here and not about your needs, if a house became too much for me I’d go to a flat as long as it suited me, please think about what you need to do for yourself

Op

What if daughter moves?

The flat with wraparound balcony near your DD sounds perfect, and as others have said it's not the other end of the world. Your sister has her family around and will be lucky enough to have you within a 30 minute drive. Go for it, and enjoy it - you are the important one here and your sister will surely not risk losing you by being so selfish about what is a good move for you.

Good luck and lots of happiness in your new home!

Well you can only live for you you can’t please both the others
Your sister has a husband and daughter with her why would she be so distraught about a thirty minute distance between you good grief you re not going to NZ
30 mins is nothing I think families can sometimes be too much in each others pockets I can’t really understand her upset at all it’s not understandable, how many people live within 30 minutes of their sisters ?
Go where you want to go and if it’s not near either that s good too both will get used to your decision

So hard travelsafar. As you and your sister are so close I’m sure she’ll come to understand you must do the right thing for yourself which doesn’t mean she’s excluded or loved any less. Your meetings can still happen, just be different. Different doesn’t have to be worse, it’s just a change to adapt to. Wishing you well for Saturday. Good luck.

Thank you all for the words if comfort. I love my sister dearly she was a great support when my husband died and I will never forget that. I guess that why I feel so guilty. She comes to.mine every Saturday at the moment for breakfast and a catchup so this weekend I will speak to her about it all and hopefully be able reassure her that I will still be there for her and we can take it in turns to meet on Saturdays even meeting half way for breakfast or coffee. I know she would hate to think I feel the way I am, she is a good kind person and i guess it has come as a shock to her.

If the boot was on the other foot, would you be putting obstacles in your sisters way? I takes it as she is still working she is younger than you? 30 miles is not another country , she has her support network with her daughter and SiL, nearby you need to be firm with her and tell her your reasons for going , more manageable property, lower bills, say how much your daughter wants this move too. Perhaps suggest you plan some day trips and short holidays for after the move.

travelsafar the more you post here the clearer it seems deep down you want to go.
I understand so well the burden of looking after house/garden knowing it won't get easier. And a loving daughter who clearly wants to be closer to you are you get older.

There is no easy solution for sis. Time will heal, especially if maybe you start with a regular date day each week or fortnight.

travelsafar you are not being selfish! I'm afraid your sister is putting her wants above your needs. You say the house and garden are too much to deal with now, that's only going to get worse as the years go by. Your bills would drastically reduce in a well insulated flat compared to a large old house. You really must do what is best for you, and the flat near your daughter sounds ideal. Your sister should understand that she has a partner and her daughter lives nearby and that you'd like to live that close to your daughter.

You need to do what is best for you

Your sister needs to realize it is only 30 minutes, that is less of the work daily commute workers have

This is going from bad to worse!!!! My sister is sooooo upset, my daughter so excited to behave me nearer to her and I'm in love with the flat even more after viewing it. I really didn't think sister would react this way. I didn't realise how much she depended on me always being there. It's breaking my heart😟☹️😢 im starting to feel I'm being selfish and I don't want to be.

Is there a bus or rail network from one town to the other? Do you use your garden sit in it or tend to it? If you can travel to the new location if you needed too and wouldn’t miss the garden then go. The rest can sort itself out visiting sister etc it’s not as if she is totally on her own and it’s thirty minutes away.

wyllow3 wow what an easy solution to the worry i had about us not being able to drive further down the line!!!! Thank you.
The main reason i want to move is i'm on my own the house and garden are too much for me to deal with and i don't want the worry of a large garden to look after. The house costs a lot to heat as its very old and not as well insulated as modern homes and the flat is only 4 years old and has all the latest insulation.

I think you are doing a good thing in terms of moving to allow a young family into your larger house and moving to a smaller flat.

You also need to do what is best for you in the longer term.

I don't know your financial situation but your utility bills etc. will be reduced by living in a smaller property.

Since you both still drive, it won't be an issue at the moment. Is there a bus stop close by for both you and your sister if you can't drive at some point in the future

If you moved, could your sister not stay over with you sometimes since it is a two bedroom flat.

What do YOU want?
Try and visualise 5 and then 10 years on and see your life then. Where will it be best suited.

I'd just go for it - as you can't please everyone and should choose what suits you best. You won't be moving very far.

Find out about the trains, bus routes and cab services available there, in case you need them in future. Is there a convenient 'half way' place to meet up?

I'm thinking that it's less housework/maintenance - and your bills will be lower in the flat, too - very welcome right now.

From the outside it looks like "go!" Your sis cant provide the care you might need and the flat sounds in a lovely location. Yes be aware of what others are like in the surrounding flats. You won't have to stop seeing sis, and she has her family close.

if neither your sis or you can drive, then a meet halfway taxi 15 mins drive won't cost too much.

Sounds like a case of the last minute wobblies, very understandable, change and all, never easy.

Does your daughter drive?
30 mins isn't very far you know.
Presumably your daughter visits you anyway?

Are you keen to be living in a flat?
Just wondering.

The two bedroom flat sounds very nice but don’t forget that there can be issues living in a flat. If not on top floor, you may hear people walking about, or taking a bath when you are trying to sleep. It’s possible for bathrooms to flood and it may take time to work out responsibility for a repair. You might have good neighbours or not.

Also does the flat have a high monthly service charge? Is the flat near local services, gp, hospital, pharmacy, shops etc?

Will your daughter go back to work? Hope it works out for you.

We are only talking 30 min drive, why the need to move?

Where do you see yourself living?

It is 2nd floor so great views and there are two lifts as two entrances.

i don't see it as the sister being selfish.
it's not a simple decision.

Also without wanting to offend, I think V3ra has a point.

I’m unsure what floor the new flat is on, if it’s not on the ground floor is there lift access? I know it’s difficult, but if you separate all the different elements out, what do you in your heart want to do. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I'm sorry if this sounds blunt, and I don't wish to cause offence, but I think your sister is being a bit selfish.
She has everyone where it suits her: partner, daughter, you.

It doesn't sound to me as if she's thinking about what's actually best for you.