A WORRIER

It's only money - you can't take it with you. Enjoy it now.

I have a bit of savings and am happy to spend this for concerts etc. and on private operations, which have enhanced my life.

I am sorry that you seem unable to let this unnecessary worry go. You do not have a lot of life left - none of us on here do - and it is a shame to waste it not doing/buying the things that give you pleasure.

May be no help, I never spend money unnecessarily. Way of life, doing as one has always done, not bad to save for end of life care.

In my unqualified opinion, your problem has nothing or very little to do with money.
You are financially secure and much better off than most people but are there other insecurities in your life? Loneliness? Fear of bereavement? Health worries? Or perhaps you have spent a lifetime of being sensible with money and can’t shake the habit?
You don’t say what you enjoy, what gets you out of bed or lifts your spirits , so I wonder if perhaps your life feels as if it lacks purpose. Treating yourself doesn’t solve that, as I suspect you are finding.
Just my opinion, so feel free to ignore but I do wonder if you might benefit from some sort of counselling to help you feel more relaxed, settled and able to enjoy life more.
As they say, you can’t take it with you so do consider looking at how to kick your worries into the long grass.

Many of us were brought up to think we need to have savings in case of a ‘rainy’ day.

DH and I are ‘comfortable’, we can afford what we want. Our car is fairly old by today’s standards, but perfectly adequate for what we want. Many others would probably out our suite, but there again, it’s fine but not the latest design. We don’t want or need the latest phones, tv, etc.

Now we are both over 70, we spend on what we want. I am very aware that in the fullness of time, our AC and GC will spend any inheritance on holidays, new cars, whatever, they have different ideas to us.

I am hopeful our money will pay out for a decent nursing home if the need arises, (I sincerely hope it doesn’t,), or pay for private medical treatment or operations if needed also.

The family can have what is left.

None of us know what the future holds, if we did, we could plan better.

I wonder what sort of childhood you had. Even now when I'm spending money I can hear my mum asking "Do you really need that?" or "you can't afford that." It's hard to shake off, and the amount you have in the bank doesn't seem to quieten it.

How about a balance

A regular DD to a charity you both really feel worthwhile (you may do this already, ignore if irrelevant)
Abroad, Wateraid and Medicins Sans Frontiere do wonderful work, and there are the children where an eye treatment saves them from blindness, I forget the name. Set a limit.

You only live once and decide on some special treats while you can still both get about

Save the rest in monthly allocated amount for end of life or need for medical care pot.

I have what I call my private medical money. i.e. if in the present conditions I need to go private to a doctor, dentist or indeed surgeon for an operation or treatment.

There have been similar threads on several occasions. We, or very few of us, have any idea what the future holds. Things can change in a split second, as many GNs know. I think I have to agree with Maw that there is more to this, than your post implies. You are in ann enviable position and if you’re a regular reader, you’ll know that lots of GNs live on less than you have to spare every month.
Money is there to enjoy life - I’m on my own, but just bought a new car and this afternoon, I’m discussing a holiday with a friend. I’m not frivolous, but (imo) life really is too short to over think things.

Sightsavers? Wyllow3

It is partly generational - I thought I would scream if my Dad said: "Waste not, want not" another time!! Not that he wasn't right of course, but it was so ingrained that it stopped me doing/buying things that would have been enjoyable. And it made me guilty when I bought things for myself.

My own adult children have taught me to loosen up a bit, I am glad to say.

I suppose a 'worrier' will always pick something to worry about. My friend has health anxiety - always something wrong and endless trips to the doctor - all the tests and still convinced there's something wrong. She'll worry herself into an early grave.

Is it security-related worry - as good health and finances both give some level of security? We tend to dismiss the fragility of life, changing status and circumstances, ageing, life-changing events etc. - as if they'll never, ever happen to us!

Blimey, some of us haven't got £2000 a month to begin with. I'm not complaining, though. We go out, treat ourselves and our family, whenever we can.

My brother (12 years older than me) has got thousands in the bank, but doesn't go out for meals/buy birthday or Christmas presents for anyone/have days out, etc. His money will all end up paying for care if/when he and his wife need it. I believe in living for today and enjoying whatever you can, whilst you can.

I had an uncle like you, Somebody, no one is a 'Nobody'.

He had an financial insecure (in the 1930s in Yorkshire) and loveless (his mother never wanted him, and made that clear) childhood. He got a good secure job in the civil service and did very well, Yet like the OP he never felt secure financially.

He too would have given himself a GN name like 'Nobody'. His irrational fear of being penniless, despite being well-off was routed in his deep conviction, as a result of his childhood, of being a worthless human being who deserved nothing from life and as a result,that when life went well, he was always convinced that, as he didn't deserve it, sooner or later he would get his just desserts and everything would be taken from him, or just disappear.

Somebody Like others on this thread, I will deal in some amateur psychology, and suggest that your problem lies away from your financial security and in your experiences of life, probably, in childhood. You may know what that was, but perhaps need to talk it through with a councillor to understand how and why it affected you so deepley.

As a first step forward, change your GN name to one that acknowledges you for what you are - Somebody, who is important to your family, the outside world, and the community on Gransnet.

Am I alone in finding the OP's username significant? Is it April 1st already?

My first thought was that NOBODY on Gransnet genuinely has £20,000 a month left over after they have paid their bills, and as for worrying about running out of money, surely NOBODY can get their knickers in a twist when they have £240,000 a year spare to put away in a contingency fund.

Georgesgran

Sightsavers? Wyllow3

Yes, that's it.

It was £2000, Elegran and I thought I was being very restrained not wishing to appear unsympathetic and saying “I wish” because I did not want to dismiss what may be genuine worrying.
But many of us have a total monthly income of less - maybe we should be worried too?

There is certainly a place for all of us being more careful with our outgoings and giving more to charities when the world is in such desperate need at the moment. I don't quite mean all of us- I know some find it hard to make ends meet anyway.

Money has nothing to do with it. It is the irrational fear of being penniless that the OP is talking about.

We should treat someones, anyone's problems with equal compassion whether they are rich or poor.

As I said her problems have little to do with money, more to do what else has happened in her life.

This sounds like humble bragging to me ... sorry if I'm being cynical.

MawtheMerrier

It was £2000, Elegran and I thought I was being very restrained not wishing to appear unsympathetic and saying “I wish” because I did not want to dismiss what may be genuine worrying.
But many of us have a total monthly income of less - maybe we should be worried too?

I misread that, Maw, (I need to go to Specsavers) but as one of those you mention, and one who still has some to spare for a contingency fund I am well aware that the Nobody who posted could, if they lost their income, live quite adequately for another year on each year's surplus. Having twice as much as you need is pretty good financial security, and wisely used could support the OP through difficult times.

If I had £2K a month unspent, I would invest it somewhere and build up a reserve to fall back on if needed, then get on with my life without wasting it on unnecessary anguish. If the worry can't be banished, professional advice is the next step.

I'm sorry if this is a "Dutch Uncle" reply, but it is the pragmatic approach - and the username does invite such a response.

I’m with you there Elegran my “surplus” is rapidly disappearing thanks to the massive hike in energy bills and the fact that I treated myself to a new (to me) car last year. If I had known how much things were going to go up I might have stuck with the old one but it was too big for my needs and heavy on petrol.
The difference I have found since retiring is that any large expenses now have to come out of the “rainy day” fund instead of being covered by my salary and actually saving has become a pipe dream.
If OP is genuine, IMO she has anxiety issues which bear little relation to her actual financial situation , but who knows. There are people who hoard every last penny , skimp on heating and food because they have known a lifetime of frugality. It is so sad when an old person dies apparently in poverty and it turns out they had thousands in the bank or in socks under the bed!

My grandmother was notoriously careful with money. Thrift was her watchword. I could list her extreme money saving strategies but some are so extreme you'd find it hard to believe. Needless to say it turned out after she died that she was very wealthy due in part to her thrift but also to her hard working husband who'd made it his business to see that she would be well looked after after he'd gone.
I have to say, though, that Granny didn't worry about money and that saving and being careful gave her genuine pleasure and a sense of fulfillment. She was never anxious about it and was very generous.

A mornings thought has given rise to what a couple of posters have said.

"If OP is genuine".

New poster - gives "humble" name - has not come back -

chooses the amount many of us must be living on very approx (not too much, not too little)

doesn't give details state of health (very relevant)
whether there are family dependents elderly or children DGC (also very relevant when considering resources going ahead)

....?

Elegran

Am I alone in finding the OP's username significant? Is it April 1st already?

My first thought was that NOBODY on Gransnet genuinely has £20,000 a month left over after they have paid their bills, and as for worrying about running out of money, surely NOBODY can get their knickers in a twist when they have £240,000 a year spare to put away in a contingency fund.

Quite!!!