Feeling guilty for saying no to looking after poorly grandchild

Poor child, I hope he improves soon.

We are all different, but I wouldn't hesitate at all. In saying that I worked with children on the autistic spectrum, so perhaps I have a different perspective. The diarrhoea wouldn't bother me.

No you were quite right. And you must look after yourself so you can go on babysitting in the future.

I would have said no too. I caught Norovirus while looking after my GD - never again!

Mind you I would feel really guilty about it

There's nothing to feel guilty about maryrose. Some GP's wouldn't worry about looking after their GC in these circumstances but you wont be the only one who wouldn't want to do so.

We all have the guilt feelings maryrose.
Do what you think is best for you.

Marydoll

Poor child, I hope he improves soon.

We are all different, but I wouldn't hesitate at all. In saying that I worked with children on the autistic spectrum, so perhaps I have a different perspective. The diarrhoea wouldn't bother me.

It should bother you - are you not clinically extremely vulnerable?

Even with the best will in the world and scrupulous hand hygiene it's very easy to pass on viruses that cause diarrhoea.

Noro Virus - D & V - is rife in the UK and can be deadly for older people. You were quite right to refuse, Maryrose54!

It wouldn’t worry me in the least, but as my family joke: I could write a book on diarrhoea.

You were right to refuse, I would have too.
My DIL would not have even asked the question because she understands my health problems.

I would have refused too. After catching Dysentry from a child I'm afraid unless they were my own when little I would keep well away.
Your daughter might want washing done or shopping and you wouldn't be able to help. These bugs can spread very quickly, especially in children who do not understand hygiene.
You can give more help from a distance. Don't feel guilty.

You are absolutely right and shame on your dtr for guilt tripping you. I think our offspring think of us as indestructible but we’re not. I will have my g’dtrs if they have colds but nothing more. It would probably cause your dtr even more inconvenience if you did agree to look after him and then became ill yourself. Sometimes the parents simply have to step up and deal with their own poorly kids.

Thankyou all for responding. Caramme you said exactly what I was thinking but couldn't say it to my daughter. We help out a lot with the grandchildren and hardly ever have to say no. Dh and I had to look after our children ourselves when I'll, no support network.

maryrose, stick to your guns ! I too take care of GC but would draw the line at diahorrea!!! Please don't feel guilty, you must look after your self. If your DD loses three hours pay, so be it. Parents ( including my AC sometimes) expect an awful lot!! Parents need to take responsibility for their own children - you have done your bit!and need to remain well in order to continue your Grandparenting duties.

Absolutely go with what you feel most comfortable doing or not doing and don't beat yourself up about it maryrose. We've sometimes looked after sick grandchildren and occasionally a cold and in my husband's case a hacking cough that goes on and on, has been passed on. Since Covid, like a lot of people, and particularly as we get older we don't always relish getting something nasty that is hard to shake off and can really lay us low.

Thankyou all for your supportive messages. Daughter has since messaged and told me not to feel bad, she understands. Feeling better for getting it off my chest too. I don't often post on here but when I do it's good to feel the support.

We are all different but I personally wouldn’t have thought twice I looked after my grandchildren through their various illnesses, including DV as I did my own children.
I can’t see the difference apart from being older but personally I catch less colds flu and bad tummies since I ve been an ‘old’ lady than I did when I was younger

I am CV my daughter wouldn’t ask me to look after my GC if he had diahorrea. I would help her if needed always but never if something could be passed on! I hope he feels better soon awful bug

The posters upthread are correct. If you have no one to look after you (as I did) it can be really debilitating for an older person and you have to put yourself first.

I had Norovirus a few weeks ago and was really ill for 4 days and it took me a couple more weeks to recover. Unfortunately I caught it from my nephew who was also ill at the same time so I had no one to help me out. I had to put my business on hold for 4 days - it was that bad.

maryrose54

Thankyou all for your supportive messages. Daughter has since messaged and told me not to feel bad, she understands. Feeling better for getting it off my chest too. I don't often post on here but when I do it's good to feel the support.

Well done you!

For the posters who said that they would not think twice about saying yes, I should add that I suffer with IBS, and 10 years ago had a bowel resection due to a cancerous polyp. Any change to my bowel habits causes me anxiety so I try to stay clear of tummy bugs.

These are the decisions that have to be made when you’re a parent.
And three hours missed pay isn’t huge.
They only have the one childhood so…

Op

Well done on taking care of yourself!

Hope gc recovers soon

Sound as though the problem is solved maryrose. Sending good wishes and wish you well. 💐

Sounds like your grandchild might be happier with his mum too. I would share your guilt but am also vulnerable so would decline.