Rape

Toe toe, thanks for telling this example of an experience many girls have. I don’t want to catastrophes but I fear this may have got worse because of porn. So many young people view extreme porn, including vaginal or anal sex. It’s their first introduction to sex

Yes, repeatedly, within marriage. My ex was an emotional abuser who made my life miserable if I said no. (I did not know enough to call it that at the time). I doubt there was any more pleasure in it for him than there was for me; it was purely about control. I am ashamed to say that I gave in because it was easier. I am divorced now, but the misery of it put me off further relationships and left me with a very low opinion of myself which has taken me years to come to terms with. Back then, 70s to 90s there was not the understanding of what constitutes rape within marriage. Thank goodness we are moving forward.

So sorry to hear of all these accounts of this senseless violent act - my heart goes to you, you are so brave foe speaking up

It is depressingly common isn't it and I reckon all of us have been victims of sexual assaults as it was just so common place

Caramee 💖💐

In the mid seventies I was part of a women’s group discussing women and law. There were about fifty of us present when one of the leaders/facilitators asked how many of us had experienced sexual assault. Every woman present raised her hand

I was a juror in a rape trial thirty years ago. We found the men not guilty on majority verdicts because they and the girl were all drunk. Attitudes have changed so much since then but I still think that if a girl says Yes, Yes, Yes then No at the last moment she is largely to blame.

watermeadow

I was a juror in a rape trial thirty years ago. We found the men not guilty on majority verdicts because they and the girl were all drunk. Attitudes have changed so much since then but I still think that if a girl says Yes, Yes, Yes then No at the last moment she is largely to blame.

Oh dear.

No is no - a woman who says No is NOT to blame. End of.

Men can say No as well, and that No should be accepted.

Absolutely agree on both counts, Norah. No means no. End of story.

How can a young (or old) woman be ‘largely to blame’ if she alleges rape, having changed her mind about consensual sex/? She says no, he continues, it’s rape.
water meadow, would you really say she was largely to blame if she thought she was consenting to vaginal sex and shouted no when she realised she was about to be anally penetrated?
Men and boys really need educating on what consent means. So do girls of course.

I have, a number of times. And sexually assaulted. I have a huge distrust of men as a result.

In the 90s I met the man who was to become my second husband. The 'first time' he actually did pause and ask...was I sure. He is still a gentleman.

In my teens sex without consent happened twice, gboth times I was drunk, first time, I only remember waking up naked with a guy next morning, second, it was easier to give in than fight.
Some friends had the same experience, I learned not to get drunk at parties.
A few times during my marriage but I guess most of us have had that.

Our little local gift shop had some framed "quirky" quotes in the front window. One was "If a lady says no, she means maybe. If she says maybe, she means yes. If she says yes, she's no lady!" I was horrified and went in and complained. Another woman in the shop told me it was a bit of fun and I was being fussy, but the assistant looked uneasy and said she would tell the manager. Next day it had been removed.

Iam64

Caramee 💖💐

In the mid seventies I was part of a women’s group discussing women and law. There were about fifty of us present when one of the leaders/facilitators asked how many of us had experienced sexual assault. Every woman present raised her hand

My hand goes up to. Thoughts plague my mind still.