Have just given our car to grandson. Empty drive syndrome.

That’s right Hetty everyone has different circumstances. My SIL is a very good driver and drives on a daily basis. However, she has said she wouldn’t bother if she lived where we live. She is in her late seventies. My other SIL is the same age as me and that is 82. My bil is 86. They live in the midlands but have a time share in the Canterbury area and family on the way there. Their car is old and is showing signs of wear but the thought of giving it up is not on the table. We stay with them in their time share which has been enjoyable for quite a few years. My daughter has said she will take us there this year. As we take loads of food, drink etc for our relaxing week that will be helpful. Last year their car broke down while we were on our way to a restaurant. It was suggested that it was a right off and it had to be taken back to their home but their usual garage got it going again. My SIL loves driving so she was determined to keep going but didn’t fancy buying a new car. Everyone is different and giving up needs thinking through.

tanith, yes, each to their own. My family tend to visit me or I get a train and they collect me from the station.

My friend seems eternally lumbered with little driving jobs for her kids and grandkids - so I'm glad I've avoided all that - and she says it's 'only' £65 a week to run her car.

Only? I can take a lot of cabs for that! My youngest daughter uses coaches (the cheapest option for long distance) - ok if you've got all day and don't get travel sick!

I made my kids promise that if THEY ever think I shouldnt be driving they will tell me.... I will stop immediately. I trust their judgement.
I think reactions slow down quite gradually and you can be quite unaware of that process on a day to day basis, so having someone to point that out to you is important and possibly lifesaving.

Hetty58 I’m sure in London you have the best of all possible worlds, but if I want to visit my best friend, I have to catch two buses, and then walk to her house. It’s a fifteen minute journey in the car. Similarly if I want to visit my daughter who lives twenty five minutes away. There’s no easy logical way of getting there on a bus! Transport links between here and our town centre are wonderful but they don’t go anywhere else I want or need to go.

In our rural area public transport is negligible and taxis are rare. A car is essential. Of course improving public transport would help but the Tories don't care.

I don’t enjoy driving since I retired, but I would miss my car if I didn’t have it to pop to the shop when dh is out with one of his hobbies.
My daughter thinks we should get rid of one of the cars but I have seven grandchildren so couldn’t give one a car without the others

I gave up my car about 10 years ago because we rarely needed a car at the same time - I deeply regret this. DH became more possessive about 'his' car and has gradually made me afraid of driving it, while I still have a licence, thanks to him. driving for me has become a rarity!

When my drive was finally empty my life changed much but superficially only. This was because I used my car for nothing meaningful. I now have time for stuff that matters more than driving here and there.

However I have a large wild garden with trees, a little dog, family nearby, and good online deliveries. If I lacked any of those I'd feel my car was necessary.

I dread the day I have to give up driving. The benefits to me against the drawbacks are immeasurable. As to the real cost - who knows? Cars lose value as soon as they’re driven out of the garage. Residual value then depends on mileage, condition and service history. Some cars (like my previous) need expensive repairs, others can go for years with just a service, which is also an unknown figure. Petrol/diesel is down to consumption/mileage and insurance is a minefield.
However, my DD’s only live 25mikes away, so a 25minute drive, but 2 buses and nearer 2 hours away, subject to me crossing 4 lanes of fast moving traffic to the bus stop! Taxi - £48, so going up 9 times in 14 days, as I did recently just wouldn’t be possible.
I also know that when my driving days are over, that will be the catalyst to move house.

Great post lovetopaint. I’m the daughter who’s had to had that conversation with my DM about her driving ability . She’s 87 and due to covid and several falls, she hadn’t driven for a few years . Last October she drove me to a garden centre and frightened the life out of me. Her reactions were slow , she couldn’t judge the speed of oncoming traffic when making a manoeuvre and due to arthritis in her back struggled to turn when looking right or left. Back at home I very gently and kindly told her, that she wasn’t safe to drive anymore. I’m retired and assured her I would take her to appointments, shopping etc. she wasn’t happy and gave me that pursed lips look of disapproval that I remember from childhood.
A few days later she told my siblings that she’d decided not to drive anymore due to her mobility , which I suppose was her way of not losing face .
Recently she told me that she was actually relieved that id made that decision for her. Also 8 years ago myself and my siblings had persuaded her to move to an area with great transport links and five minutes walk to shops , banks, pharmacies etc , knowing she may not be driving at some point .

Giving up your independence (by having a car) is hard. You made a wise choice though considering all your other transport options. Congratulations!

Your Grandson will NEVER forget your loving gesture - and I’m sure will shower it with respectful, loving care. I would hope.

I’m guessing he would even be happy to give you a lift in an emergency if that should happen.

I will reach that stage sooner than later myself - I’ll see how magnanimous I am and hopefully not throw a tantrum. 🙄
USA Gundy

I had to stop driving 4 years ago after driving every day (work, shopping, picking family up etc), after driving since age 21, now 72. Due to mobility issues I now have to use a mobility scooter 😔.

Such a sensible thing to do and quite brave too. I only hope when the time comes I am able to be proactive about this. I live rurally, very limited transport in village but involves a long walk along grass verges, no footpaths to get there. Even if I did this and travelled to the nearest townI would then have a 40-50 min walk to the only family I have locally. Not a workable solution.

If I had access to a bus servuce, never mind a good one I wouldn't mind using a bus. I am having to pay £80 each way for a taxi to take me to the airport later in the year, 30 miles away. There is an airport bus from a park and ride 18 miles away but what where do I leave the car for two weeks? Airport parking is about the same cost as a taxi with the added cost of fuel for driving the 30 miles to the airport parking. I envy folk with access to buses. Can't remember when I last used my free bus pass. I live 2.5miles from the town but no buses!

My mother lived in the country and knew she was dependent on her car. I tried to persuade her to move into the town where I live, but she was enjoying a lovely late-life love affair and couldn't be diverted from that. She was still driving at 85 and one day she smashed into a traffic island and died a week later. No-one else was hurt, but that could so easily not have been the case.
I'm nearly 78 now. I'm just trusting my ACs to tell me when they think I should stop driving. But I have lovely neighbours, I live within walking distance of buses and trains, shops and doctor, so life without a car would be doable.

Did it 17 years ago when I was 55….didn’t use car only as a giant shopping trolley . Decided to get my own shopping trolly and pull it !
Have had home delivery since it’s instigation! The cost of the car converts to 20 taxi’s a year if needed…..I have a .free bus pass …and a free rail pass ( hubby was a train driver) so it made it a ridiculous expense’!

Have never driven because husband had company car and wives were not allowed to drive one.
I cycled an walked for miles until I was 80.
Amazed how neighbours use their cars to drive the few hundred yards to get even a newspaper.

I have macular degeneration and know that in a year or so my eyesight will have deteriorated too much for me to drive, Like others, severe arthritis means that I am unable to walk far, putting the local shops and bus stops out of reach. I am struggling to get rid of things and prepare the house for sale and have no family backup. Being without a car will devastate my social life. Sorry about the moan but you'll have gathered that I dread losing my little car.

I have driven for 50 years, passing my test in London and 3 weeks later drove to Yugoslavia. Have lived abroad and travelled all over and still feel I am an alert and organised driver. I even took an optional test drive for older drivers and got a very good result. I have spent 10 years , 3 days a week, doing volunteer hospital car driving , taking patients to and from hospital mostly from a very rural area. (For which you have to have a clean driving license and be crb checked ) The observations I would make to people are these. Firstly, I have found so many women end up not keeping up with their driving especially when their husbands retire. Secondly, the assumption that it is a good idea to keep the bigger car if there were two, is definitely to suit the man. I encourage all women to drive at least a couple of times a week, to keep up their confidence and that it is important that they feel comfortable in whatever car they have. So rather than keeping a car that suits the husband but can feel a strain to drive if you are shorter, to do a part x and find a car that suits them both. I also think women need to drive on their own or with other friends and that way you keep up your confidence and belief in your ability to travel anywhere , as you have done for years. It may seem to be a kindness when the husband offers to drive you to the shops etc, but that sets a trend that they are the main driver and may say oh they will do the m ways etc but we all need to keep up our skills. on all sorts of roads and conditions. Also you do notice some men see driving as their job to sort of fill that gap when they retire. And dont allow them to tut sigh or make comments when you are driving. If they do , return the compliment the next time they drive and when they complain , say ditto. or alternatively suggest that they might like to sit in the back, shut their eyes, or take a taxi!!! This is not just being stroppy. As others have said , no one knows what might happen. There may be eye problems or someone has a stroke or an illness that means they can no longer drive. It is not important which partner is in that position. what does matter is that the other person can drive competently and therefore not add that as an extra strain if they need to drive to or visit someone in a hospital. The same goes for living in rural areas. You need to look to the future and decide how you will manage without a car, if you might move and make some plans. I put my money where my mouth is, and whilst I still drive everywhere I have moved into a town where there is a train station and good bus connections should I get to a stage or something means I can no longer safely drive. To me independence is the most important thing. I have been independent all my life, have no doubt made many mistakes over the years but for as long as possible I plan to carry on living in this way and being a confident driver happy to go anywhere , with ability to check the car over, although now I would not choose to change a tyre myself but obviously I belong to RAC , have a garage that I trust to do jobs and look ahead to think what might need doing etc so that I am not trying to organise something in a rush. So I do think it is good to just on your own , look at your pattern of things you do, what you would not be able to do without your own transport etc. Look at the things you would be prepared to give up and the things that matter more and work out how you would be able to continue going, so sharing transport, paying for fuel etc . But most of all for anyone whose partner has not retired yet do look ahead and have a talk to each other as to how you see things might change. There are several people I know who have been very happy to pack up the car and say that they have worked out different ways to do things, and have made a note of the total cost of running their car and then put that as an amount per month that they are prepared to spend on taxis etc. To make a big change is something that needs acknowledging and preparing for , but to me the importance is you both getting to an agreement as to what would be best for you and going on from that.

I thought this was about people knowing you were elderly, carless or just not at home. Security.

Well done lovetopaint
You should feel virtuous.
I wish we weren't all so dependent on cars.
We talk about needing to save the planet and yet it seems more cars are on the road than ever.

I lent my car to my DS last summer while he was visiting from NZ. I didn't miss it for those 3 months however I had unwanted snoopers coming down my drive because presumably they thought the house was empty.

I'm awaiting cataract surgery so only drive in daylight and avoid the city.
Like you we have good public transport including free buses.

Yes, of course the empty driveway could be a signal that we are away or old. However, if that does become a problem there are several people around here who would like to use it. However, so far there hasn’t been a problem for those who also have no car in their driveway due to becoming a widow or never having had one.

madeleine45

I have driven for 50 years, passing my test in London and 3 weeks later drove to Yugoslavia. Have lived abroad and travelled all over and still feel I am an alert and organised driver. I even took an optional test drive for older drivers and got a very good result. I have spent 10 years , 3 days a week, doing volunteer hospital car driving , taking patients to and from hospital mostly from a very rural area. (For which you have to have a clean driving license and be crb checked ) The observations I would make to people are these. Firstly, I have found so many women end up not keeping up with their driving especially when their husbands retire. Secondly, the assumption that it is a good idea to keep the bigger car if there were two, is definitely to suit the man. I encourage all women to drive at least a couple of times a week, to keep up their confidence and that it is important that they feel comfortable in whatever car they have. So rather than keeping a car that suits the husband but can feel a strain to drive if you are shorter, to do a part x and find a car that suits them both. I also think women need to drive on their own or with other friends and that way you keep up your confidence and belief in your ability to travel anywhere , as you have done for years. It may seem to be a kindness when the husband offers to drive you to the shops etc, but that sets a trend that they are the main driver and may say oh they will do the m ways etc but we all need to keep up our skills. on all sorts of roads and conditions. Also you do notice some men see driving as their job to sort of fill that gap when they retire. And dont allow them to tut sigh or make comments when you are driving. If they do , return the compliment the next time they drive and when they complain , say ditto. or alternatively suggest that they might like to sit in the back, shut their eyes, or take a taxi!!! This is not just being stroppy. As others have said , no one knows what might happen. There may be eye problems or someone has a stroke or an illness that means they can no longer drive. It is not important which partner is in that position. what does matter is that the other person can drive competently and therefore not add that as an extra strain if they need to drive to or visit someone in a hospital. The same goes for living in rural areas. You need to look to the future and decide how you will manage without a car, if you might move and make some plans. I put my money where my mouth is, and whilst I still drive everywhere I have moved into a town where there is a train station and good bus connections should I get to a stage or something means I can no longer safely drive. To me independence is the most important thing. I have been independent all my life, have no doubt made many mistakes over the years but for as long as possible I plan to carry on living in this way and being a confident driver happy to go anywhere , with ability to check the car over, although now I would not choose to change a tyre myself but obviously I belong to RAC , have a garage that I trust to do jobs and look ahead to think what might need doing etc so that I am not trying to organise something in a rush. So I do think it is good to just on your own , look at your pattern of things you do, what you would not be able to do without your own transport etc. Look at the things you would be prepared to give up and the things that matter more and work out how you would be able to continue going, so sharing transport, paying for fuel etc . But most of all for anyone whose partner has not retired yet do look ahead and have a talk to each other as to how you see things might change. There are several people I know who have been very happy to pack up the car and say that they have worked out different ways to do things, and have made a note of the total cost of running their car and then put that as an amount per month that they are prepared to spend on taxis etc. To make a big change is something that needs acknowledging and preparing for , but to me the importance is you both getting to an agreement as to what would be best for you and going on from that.

Lots of very good points and suggestions .
I’m 64 , DH is 67 and we share the driving , both local , long journeys , night driving and motorways . I’ve noticed a number of my female friends only in their 60s , will only drive locally and during daytime . They rely on their DH/DP when driving on motorways or at night . Recently when out for dinner with 5 other couples , I was the only female who was the designated driver.

I never learned to drive and have always had an "empty" driveway unless I have work people in.

A few months back I had a cheeky new neighbour asking if they coulod "use" my drive for an excess vehicle. I told them my initial feeling was no, and if I agreed, I would be charging a commercial rate and wanting a legally drawn up agreement paid for by them. You couldnt see them for dust.

Well biglouis. I admire your quick thinking. My dh did consider offering the family next door the use of it. However, I said this would be awkward when the family and others want to visit (they do this at least weekly) as although it is long enough for three cars there is only room for one car to enter and exit.