Looking after grandchildren ..............

I think people need to be honest and not commit to too much childcare from the start. I have a few friends who did that and said they would do, say 1 day a week or two half days but that was it,because they still want to enjoy their free time how they choose and not be tied down to certain days.

I also have friends who just do so much stuff for their grandchildren that they miss out on their own social life but it’s too late for them to speak the truth so they put up with it.

My BIL and his wife got my late MIL to go to their house (2 long bus rides) every day so they could both work. That was from the time their son was 6 months old. She did that until he went to school then they dropped her like a hot potato when she was no longer required.

Just a note to check that you are claiming your national insurance contributions for looking after your grandchildren even if you are not paid- check out details on the Martin Lewis website if you haven’t.
I noted that you have not yet reached retirement age. You do need to pay contributions until you reach the official state retirement age if your employer contracted you out - I had 41 full years contributions and still had to pay £4000 for the years from 60 when I left work until I was 66 when I reached SRA. You can claim that if you are caring for a grandchild.

I can never understand why people are so reluctant to ask for payment from friends and relations. Whenever one of my nephews gives me an extended lift somewhere I always ask what I owe for petrol.

I have a very transactional mind which is why I am so good at business. When somone asks me to do something for them my response is often "Shall I think about it and give you a price?" and that scares them off. As in the cheeky neighbour who asked to "use" my drive for their extra vehicle. I dont think she had any intention of paying.

Not quite the same thing, but related to the cost of expensive holidays vs paying their way:
We're helping one of our sons pay for his renovation work and have made it clear to him that this is on the basis that he doesn't take two expensive foreign holidays per year. The essential work on his newish house has been waiting for more than two years and really needs doing a.s.a.p.
He does seem to have grasped that the holiday spending need to stop until the work is paid for. Otherwise I can see my lovely DIL and her children will be living in squalor for some years to come!

I take my granddaughter to school three days a week and collect her on one day, this saves my working daughter money and I'm happy to help. My grandson is in full-time nursery but starts primary school in Sepember when he will only be part-time for some weeks, so I can see that I'll be pretty busy in the short term.
In the holidays she uses holiday clubs which often start later and finish early so I usually help more.
I don't mind doing it, we moved home to be nearer to her as she is single and adopted the two children two years ago. In fact I usually enjoy it and know that it is really only for a relatively short time, until they start secondary school. We all have a close relationship which I do appreciate.
My daughter is changing jobs tomorrow so we'll have to rearrange everything. I think that she is working from home three days a week from now on so my load will be a little lighter in the mornings!

We have decided - that when discussion of the holiday is raised again (which it will be) then at that point we should then be saying that if you can afford a holiday then we should discuss some payment for childcare going forward in the interim.

Please don’t raise it like this OP. It comes across as petty and spiteful.

With information that you are looking after 10 different grandchildren at various times, and none of their parents are saying, I would look at having this conversation across-the-board with all of your children. Don’t single one family out, and don’t do it before a vacation.

I’d mention it sooner rather than later, and leave out what they are paying for. It sounds very much like your children. Think you love doing this and don’t need the money. You need to kindly tell them otherwise.