Should I just scatter the ashes anyway?

Mollygo

Thanks Lathyrus.
I use a neutraliser on my lawn to stop the dog’s wee turning it brown.
Theirs must be super efficient or they must use an awful lot to counteract the steady train of ash deposit appointments.
I don’t suppose you know the brand name of what they use.

You can mix the ashes with a commercial product RTN2 Soil before scattering which will not just render them harmless but actually be beneficial to the environment.

Otherwise ashes are highly alkaline so a charcoal layer or any acidic wash will help. With salinity the only answer really is to keep washing it through until it dissipates below the level of plant roots.

Scatter and hope for heavy rain!

I don’t expect the crematorium uses a brand. They probably use carbonic acid which is high in nitrogen so will act as a fertiliser too. Hence the lush green!

On a lighter note, I’d just add that when I asked a few years ago whether my brother still had the old man’s ashes, he (typically irreverently) replied, ‘I’ve got something that could be the old man, but it could be the scrapings out of the log burner.’

(The Old Man would only have laughed - I’d better add that in case anyone is shocked.)

This is from the Forestry Commission in Scotland:

"Scotland’s National Forest Estate covers nearly 9% of Scotland and comprises forests, woodland and open ground. And in their words ‘It’s a national treasure and it’s our privilege to be looking after it.’ And one would have to agree with that.

They permit the scattering of ashes on their land and recognise it as something that people would wish to do. However whilst accepting of the practice they do make clear that there are certain do’s and don’ts all of which are pretty reasonable.

No permanent memorials, these are likely to be removed
Placing natural flowers is acceptable if discreet and free from wrapping, ties etc
Don’t leave the ashes in a pile, as it is unpleasant for others and can impact the soil. Try and spread them as widely as possible.
If a habitat is fragile, containing rare plants, please ask the local District Office first – contact your local district office."

Chardy, whatever the Co-op website says - you need the landowner's permission.

After much thought we decided to scatter my mum's ashes in my youngest daughter's garden. She is likely to stay in the house for many years. I go there regularly to tend her garden and my 6 young grandchildren play there all the time. I can think of nowhere my mother would rather be.

My dad’s ashes are still at the crematorium. He died 3 years ago. Since I haven’t been contacted by either my brothers or the crematorium that’s where they will stay.

My mum insisted that ashes of her and dad were to be put in with her mother, rather than have plot opened up funeral director mixed the ashes together for us, then we went early morning, dug a small hole at the gravesite, tipped the ashes in and planted a plant on top, we felt we did our best to honour her wishes

I had some of my brothers ashes for many years, and last year took up resin art. I bought a cheap coffee table from a charity shop that has a wooden too and bottom tray.
I successfully and happily made a resin beach scene in the top tray and used some of my brothers ashes to add to the sea and beach part, then on the bottom tray I did an underwater scene and used his ashes to create the look of rocks underwater. Nobody has ever known what is my unique piece of art and everyone says how fantastic the coffee table looks. I love it because I feel as though a little bit of my brother (who lived sailing) is with me forever in such a beautiful piece of art.
Do what makes you happy is my advice.

When my dad died years ago we were all the same unsure what to do in the end we scattered on some rocks at the sea where we played as kids rock pooling with my dad so every time we go he’s with us. So why not scattered at a place you went as family just an idea

my brother bought a double plot as 2 ashes per plot. one each for my mom and dad and the second for his ashes. As I want water resomation this should not be a problem for my remains. I have deep religious belief but I don't get sentimental over reamins as the body is dead .

Mix the two lots of ashes together and scatter them were ever you feel is the right place

My mum who died two years ago wanted to be cremated and her ashes to go in the family grave, however we were told by the minister of the church when some of my brothers ashes were out in the grave absolutely no more!
We did what you did (so much for Christianity) we went early one morning in high heels and armed with a fork created lots of holes and in mum went, we laughed so much, we were like two disco queens dancing on the family grave. Not very appropriate I know but I know my mum would have loved it!

Palease! Get a life.

Fletcher1

Mix the two lots of ashes together and scatter them were ever you feel is the right place

I like this idea.

You could even do what my middle daughter says she has planned for my ashes: a bit sprinkled on each continent.

That's provided I am not fed to vultures, which is my pre-burned preference [wink}

What an interesting post and comments, since I’m in the process of making notes for my family on my final wishes - cremation.
I need to research what is and isn’t allowed here in the states.

What do crematoriums do with all the left-behind ashes? Where do they go?

We took my Dad’s ashes to a quiet woodland spot when it was quiet, my Mum wanted hers with her grandparents so like someone in an earlier comment we just lifted a stone (it was already loose) and put them in their grave, my brother in law then secured the stone

Baggs

Fletcher1

Mix the two lots of ashes together and scatter them were ever you feel is the right place

I like this idea.

You could even do what my middle daughter says she has planned for my ashes: a bit sprinkled on each continent.

That's provided I am not fed to vultures, which is my pre-burned preference [wink}

We used to have Indian friends (in India, both now gone) who were Parsees, so their bodies were placed on an extremely high platform, to be left for Nature - in the form of birds, insects and bacteria) to deal with.

We saw the place from a distance when visiting them in Mumbai - it was within a big park and called IIRC Palace Of The Winds, or maybe Temple of the Winds.

Obviously not practical for a population of teeming millions, but I liked the idea. And Parsees in India are relatively few, so we have gathered.

Baggs

Fletcher1

Mix the two lots of ashes together and scatter them were ever you feel is the right place

I like this idea.

You could even do what my middle daughter says she has planned for my ashes: a bit sprinkled on each continent.

That's provided I am not fed to vultures, which is my pre-burned preference [wink}

I quite like the idea of taking them out to sea, as DH wants, as the ocean currents might take them on a voyage.

Witzend - go with the idea of the woodland.

We have a boat designated for sea burials/ashes from Sovereign Harbour near Eastbourne.

This is a sore subject and an emotional one, so although I am with easybee here, perhaps the issue should have been handled more tactfully.

Of course, I can talk, as I live in a country where you are neither allowed to have relatives' ashes in an urn in your home, or scatter them on land at all. You may have them buried, urn and all, in a cemetary, by buying a plot, or applying for permission to inter them in a plot you already own, or place them in the cemetary columbarium, so we don't ever have these discussions.

If you want to scatter them at sea, in Danish terratorial waters, you need proper permission from the Royal Navy to do so.

There are two points here whether OP is justified in scattering the ashes without the knowledge of the "difficult" sister and whether she should go and do so, knowing full well
that the place she has chosen is one where scattering ashes is actually prohibited.

The last question is the easier to answer:

No, she should not break the law, however stupid she feels it is. The point is not whether anyone sees her doing so, or otherwise finds out what she has done, or not. It is illegal, so no, do not do it.

How about, OP, sending the urn to the sister who makes impracticable suggestions and giving her your, and your other siblings' permission to do with it what she wants.

Or alternatively, dispose legally of the ashes and either tell your sister what you have done, or if that will cause riot and rumpus, not mention the matter at all.

If she should ever ask about mother's ashes, you will either have to lie and say you have no idea where they are, or no recollection of what you actually have done with them, or own up and face her hurt or anger.

It is one of the forms of “burial” that I saw in Tibet witzend except they chopped the bodies into a number of sacred pieces first. I was quite horrified to begin with but made my peace with their Buddhist belief in giving life to life.

My mother asked me to scatter her ashes and dad’s ashes together at a special place near the village where she was brought up. My sister has mental health issues which make her very nasty and difficult and as usual her behaviour was so awful and upsetting after mum died that I couldn’t face speaking to her again to arrange the scattering. I had already told her what my mother has requested. I was very upset about the whole thing and her behaviour and didn’t know what to do. My lovely daughter in law came up with the solution. She suggested spitting the ashes and we both scattered them separately. It wasn’t really what I wanted but I couldn’t face anymore of the nastiness and so decided that was the best thing to do. We went to do it and my very much loved niece came with us. She was close to her Nana and were very close too. Sadly she has very little to do with her mother due to the troubles and trauma her mother creates. The next day my husband took the other halves to my sister and she was incredibly rude and nasty to him and as usual came out with all kinds of accusations and lies. She is very unbalanced.
Apparently she went a few weeks later and scattered the rest of the ashes in the correct place.
I know my mother would have loved my sister and I to be reconciled but I bent over backwards to help her and involve her including hosting her twice during the period of mum’s death and funeral. I have been rewarded with unfounded allegations of trying to keep her having her share of the small inheritance and of stealing things from her even though I took her to mum’s flat and invited her to take anything she wanted. She said only certain items of crockery and my husband and I duly packed them and delivered them to her when we were next in the area where she lives, some 240 miles from where I live. I’m not in any way attempting to prevent her from getting her share of the inheritance, it’s in the hands of a solicitor so how could I?

My three siblings and I scattered my dads ashes in the sea at a favourite beach we used to visit as a family in childhood and also buried some at his mothers grave. It was a time for us to come together as a family and think of him