Mistakes you may have made.

Yes Monica, I agree, and a good time scale..

annsixty you just sound worn out, you can't enjoy away breaks when you are. What you are feeling is entirely natural. Please try not to feel too guilty about making big decisions.

I can see the need to employ people,*ann*. That way you have control. However, your granddaughter and son should be contributing enough to enable that to happen.

Would you be happy without your granddaughter (in particular) being around so much?

Tell your DS and DGD that the house and garden are more than you can cope with and, if you are to enjoy your final years, you need to downsize.

Tell them that you intend to put the house on the market, say, after Christmas, this years growing season will soon be over and the garden will be put to bed and not need care by then, and that you hope to be in a new smaller home a few months later.

This gives you, your DS and DGD nearly a year to think, plan and organise the future.

There should be no need for you to employ people to do gardening and household chores if the others sharing your home are able bodied. They should be helping you and not adding to your burdens .

Is ‘S’ your son, annsixty?
Are they both contributing financially to costs, and helping with housework and manageable maintenance (e.g. painting), and gardening?

If not, maybe it’s high time they did.
If they can’t or won’t, I’d be inclined to tell them that you’re sorry, but at 86 it’s just too much for you, and you’re going to sell. It’s bound to take months anyway, which would surely give them plenty of time to find alternative accommodation.

Though on 2nd thoughts maybe you should just tell them that anyway.

I can see how it sort of slid into being what it is, annsixty and at each point you made "Best decision you could". How could you predict how it was to turn out?

Far from being a misery it sounds like you now very much need a way out for YOU to find a way of "rest of life" decisions so at last you get a break from caring for overwhelming house and rellies.

I can only say what I think you might do - which is to give rellies notice you are going to move into suitable flat, McCarthy and Stone, what suits. Talk to a friendly solicitor if it starts involving money stuff. If rellies need support - sounds likely - its doesn't have to be from you, forever.

I have just come back from 3 nights away with a friend.
It wasn’t relaxing or easy.
Maybe that is why I am so down.
I have already told her that I won’t be doing it again, only two nights nearer home and with a third person to take some of the flack.
It was very hard work.

Could you move to a 3 bedroom flat so less work indoors and no garden to worry about?
You say your DGD is helping. Is there a reason why your DS cannot take on more? It is a lot of work for you at your age and the younger adults living with you should be doing most of the work. It's not surprising you are tired and fed up.

We all make decisions which we come to regret later Ann and am sorry you are struggling a bit now.
Nothing I can say, but understand why you feel this way, hope tomorrow is a better day