Dating

It's wise to be cautious. I wouldn't make a harsh judgement on the few details you've given.

By the sound of it the relationship hasn't progressed to a physical one and if only seeing him once a week and both paying there should be no feeling that you owe him a meal or drink etc and have to see him again. I would be finding out a lot more first eg if he told you he has been living in lodgings for 15 years ask about his life for the previous 45 yrs. You should pick a lot up from his answers. Not just the verbal responses but how cagey, avoiding or honest he seems. You also haven't said how long you've known him or where you met. This could give answers too.

Tread carefully but don't judge too early.

Don't waste your time. Simples

He sounds like a bad deal to me. I’d steer clear. He’s not telling you everything.
Future dates? “Sorry, I’m busy.”

If he keeps asking, then questions you “why not?”… depending on your answer, watch his real personality emerge. That would be a real clue as to his character.

Personally, men who are this frugal and stingy with their $$ and time are not personable.

A real man who is interested in you would start picking up the check after a while. That wouldn’t make you obligated. You could also treat him then too occasionally for a breakfast, lunch, movie, etc.
Good luck!
USA Gundy

It might be okay , but I have a bad feeling about this guy .
If he's free :
how come he can only see you on Sundays ?
Being a lodger for 15 years at age 60 is strange too .
I walked away from two relationships which made me feel uncomfortable .

One guy could only see me at my house late on Saturday leaving on Sunday after lunch because he didn't like to leave his cat !
He was very scruffy .
His home sounded like a tip .
And he was increasingly bad tempered and unpleasant .

The other guy , introduced to me by a friend seemed great at first .
He liked to see me during the week and then on Fridays seemed in a blind panic to get rid of me in case his children came over .
He was obsessively neat and tidy and hypercritical of me .
I realised that he was an alcoholic and that his life was a fantasy .

It would be nice to meet someone , but if they aren't right - then it's just not worth it .
Wishing you lots of luck whatever you decide .

I’d say what does your gut tell you. I used to date a guy long distance and would see each other every second weekend because of work, he mainly came to mine. I did go to his every now and again. His neighbors would look but not speak and I just had this feeling I couldn’t shake off sometimes I couldn’t get hold of him he said he was working so I thought I’ve got to visit unannounced because something isn’t right. Yes I wasn’t only one on his list he also had someone else and she didn’t know about me neither. So I’d say listen to your gut if it’s saying something isn’t right get shot as quickly as you can.

I am the horribly suspicious type after two failed marriages which I was really committed to! So I personally would be thinking ‘why only Sundays?’ Does he not want to be with you more of the time? Has he never wanted his own space rather than someone else’s? Do you holiday together or does he not take them? Seems like a) he has another life elsewhere or b) he has no intention of committing and just wants to pootle on the same old dreary way forever! Or he might just be hedging his bets for a ‘nurse or a purse’! Whatever way, you deserve so much better than this! Don’t waste your time any further and go find someone who wants the happy and fulfilling relationship you do! I myself at nearly 67 have given up looking now as the last man I dated (only dated a few!) spent a great deal of time exaggerating small illnesses and expecting me to take them as seriously as he did. A lucky escape for me! You are young enough to make a fresh start. Good luck!

I had what appeared to be a lovely man who lodged with me for a short time.I felt sorry for him and did his cooking and laundry but one morning I discovered he had left without paying. Soon after this I saw him on Crimewatch after robbing a building society,

No not just you. I would his behaviour quite strange too, why Dutch women is my first question? Sounds to me as though he is just using you to fill his time once a week!
Come on dear your worth so much better. Don't undervalue yourself.
As for dating when your older yes it's a minefield, yes it's scary and yes you should be wary.
None of the usual dating websites do any background checks and that in itself tells you how easy a target you are for the most unsavoury characters, be careful, don't give too much personal information if you take that route.
People usually say join a club an interest you enjoy like painting, sports, music and so on, however if you're anything like me I am not a joiner which makes meeting anyone taking that route a big no.
Your still young I know that sounds totally inadequate and blaze but I hope you meet someone in time you'll find happiness and fun with.

be careful is my advice. the past is often a look into the future.
it may relate to his past.There are horror stories out there, but good ones too re dating. Be careful that your heart does not rule your head.In 2017 i had the' eyes meeting' across the room experience, it messed with my judgement, only good friends held me back from getting too involved, they were right ,i dodged a big bullet! take it slowly.....

When I was young, I went out with a chap for a few months - until I found out that his girlfriend was pregnant! I hadn't met his friends or family, of course.

After that, I wouldn't trust anyone until I knew their family and friends very well. I'd want to know all about their day, too, where they worked etc. (and I'd check).

I would leave him to his life in lodgings. Find someone else! You can't know someone seeing them on Sundays only. What if he gambled all his money and is only trying to get yours? He could be seeing another girl on Wednesdays and a third on Fridays. Especially if he is going Dutch.

If you met him online you have no reference point as to his background, friends etc. Does he have any friends? Does he talk about siblings, family, past relationships etc.

There is nothing wrong with you each paying for your own but if this is a very rigid arrangement I wouldn't like that, personally. Its sometimes nice between friends for one to pay one time and the other the next... its a more generous way somehow...also a bit of trust in that.

Frugal can also be meanness and that is horrible to be around.

And yes, he may well have another world elsewhere as others have suggested
It doesn't sound great and I think you already know that from what you've said. You are worth more than this in a relationship.

If you just want a bit of company it might just be ok but there seems to be a lot about this man that you know little about.

If you were online...get back there and find someone better!

There are some nice men who are more available in all senses of the word. Why waste your precious time with this man? You're still young with lots of opportunity. Go girl!

I’d say that’s definitely a red flag

This doesn't ring true to me, surely a man of that age would have his own house.

A good job? Well you need to find a bit more about him and tread with caution at all costs.

Wish you well.

Ooh no - you are either 'worth it' or not... His attitude speaks volumes.

Hell of a long contract though! When my DH stayed away his Company picked up all the bills for his accommodation and expenses - it didn’t cost him a penny.
Sadly, I think the OP has the picture now.

If Sunday is the only day he can “sneak “ off you are wasting your time - really, what is he not telling you?.

He doesnt sound the bargain of the decade even before that.

Gran64

Thank you everyone - I think I’m going to go with my gut instinct on this one! I’m disappointed but I am really looking for commitment and someone who had their own home would be better also for a number of reasons.

Sorry, I posted moments after.

You know what you want, so follow your plan.

So did I Patsy.

DH used to lodge when he worked on contracts in preference to a soulless hotel or renting a flat on his own as there'd usually be two or three other business people there too.

Gran64

Thank you everyone - I think I’m going to go with my gut instinct on this one! I’m disappointed but I am really looking for commitment and someone who had their own home would be better also for a number of reasons.

Sorry, Gran64, I replied before seeing your response.

BlueBelle

Well we don’t know only you can make the judgement as to whether he’s worth it or not BUT may I tell you a story

I was in a long term relationship we had lived together in my house for 8 years then I got wind that he was seeing someone else to cut a long story short I contacted the woman and she was as surprised as me he had told her he was in lodgings and the landlady who wasn’t that nice wouldn’t let him have any visitors !!!Thankfully she believed who I actually was and we went together to his place of work
Talk about woman power we didn’t even have to say anything Have you ever seen a rabbit caught in the headlights

😲

Is he free at weekends, Gran64? If not, he might be going home to his other life.

Sundays only says to me he’s doing something every weekday evening and on Saturdays. Is Sunday the only day he can sneak off? Sorry but I’m suspicious and if you want more than an outing with a friend (who never pays for you) once a week then you need answers to some questions.

Eight years is a long time BlueBelle! Gran64, unless you thoroughly enjoy his company and trust that he is being honest with you, there is no reason why you shouldn’t continue seeing him. However, I’m afraid I would be totally sceptical about a 60 year old man living in lodgings for the last 15 years. What work does he do?

While going Dutch is fair enough, there are a lot of red flags for me. At 60, is it feasible he’s paying for children in further education? Has he had a property somewhere - perhaps bought out by an ex? Has he some kind of addiction needing financing? Where does he lodge - could be the Savoy if he’s got a good job and apparently, so little to show for it.
Seriously though, I think I’d want the answers to some questions before I took this much further.