Dating

Going Dutch is fine, why should one person pay?

Maybe he doesn’t like living alone so prefers to be a lodger.
Treat this as someone to go out and have a good time with, not everyone will lead to a relationship.

Going Dutch is ok but I wonder why he chooses to live as a lodger. Having nothing to show for his working life is what I think is unusual.
If you like him just see him as you are now unless you want some commitment.

A 60 year old man who says he has a good job (do you know what he does?) but has been lodging in someone else’s (whose ? A relative or friend’s?) house for 15 years and lives frugally. I agree, it is strange and I would want to know why he chose this lifestyle. And is there a reason why he only sees you once a week? Is it always the same day and time? Does he have commitments he hasn’t told you about?

To be honest he doesn't sound like a good bet, but if you just want a friend to go out and about with, fine. He might be looking for a "woman of substance" who has a house he can move into. Be very careful.

Well we don’t know only you can make the judgement as to whether he’s worth it or not BUT may I tell you a story

I was in a long term relationship we had lived together in my house for 8 years then I got wind that he was seeing someone else to cut a long story short I contacted the woman and she was as surprised as me he had told her he was in lodgings and the landlady who wasn’t that nice wouldn’t let him have any visitors !!!Thankfully she believed who I actually was and we went together to his place of work
Talk about woman power we didn’t even have to say anything Have you ever seen a rabbit caught in the headlights

Would have loved to see his face BlueBelle

Going Dutch wouldn’t worry me, but I do find it strange that as 60 year old man is lodging for 15 years, it would be a red flag to me, so personally I wouldn’t pursue it

Yes same day! Sundays! The thing is some years ago I was seeing another man who told me he had a female lodger, who later turned out to be his girlfriend! I thought something like that couldn’t happen again but I can’t shake off this concern! I think maybe go with my instincts

Thank you everyone - I think I’m going to go with my gut instinct on this one! I’m disappointed but I am really looking for commitment and someone who had their own home would be better also for a number of reasons.

Am I wasting my time getting any more involved?

I suppose it matters if you want a friend or more?

What do you consider a "waste of time"?

My brother, 67, single for years, newly retired, moved to us, whilst he looked for a suitable home. Not because he had no cash, he's as Croesus. We wanted him nearby, simple.

However, he wanted a relationship and met a sweet woman within weeks. He moved in with her, at her asking. I don't think either of them are wasting time, they're growing a friendship.

While going Dutch is fair enough, there are a lot of red flags for me. At 60, is it feasible he’s paying for children in further education? Has he had a property somewhere - perhaps bought out by an ex? Has he some kind of addiction needing financing? Where does he lodge - could be the Savoy if he’s got a good job and apparently, so little to show for it.
Seriously though, I think I’d want the answers to some questions before I took this much further.

Eight years is a long time BlueBelle! Gran64, unless you thoroughly enjoy his company and trust that he is being honest with you, there is no reason why you shouldn’t continue seeing him. However, I’m afraid I would be totally sceptical about a 60 year old man living in lodgings for the last 15 years. What work does he do?

Sundays only says to me he’s doing something every weekday evening and on Saturdays. Is Sunday the only day he can sneak off? Sorry but I’m suspicious and if you want more than an outing with a friend (who never pays for you) once a week then you need answers to some questions.

BlueBelle

Well we don’t know only you can make the judgement as to whether he’s worth it or not BUT may I tell you a story

I was in a long term relationship we had lived together in my house for 8 years then I got wind that he was seeing someone else to cut a long story short I contacted the woman and she was as surprised as me he had told her he was in lodgings and the landlady who wasn’t that nice wouldn’t let him have any visitors !!!Thankfully she believed who I actually was and we went together to his place of work
Talk about woman power we didn’t even have to say anything Have you ever seen a rabbit caught in the headlights

😲

Is he free at weekends, Gran64? If not, he might be going home to his other life.

Gran64

Thank you everyone - I think I’m going to go with my gut instinct on this one! I’m disappointed but I am really looking for commitment and someone who had their own home would be better also for a number of reasons.

Sorry, Gran64, I replied before seeing your response.

DH used to lodge when he worked on contracts in preference to a soulless hotel or renting a flat on his own as there'd usually be two or three other business people there too.

So did I Patsy.

Gran64

Thank you everyone - I think I’m going to go with my gut instinct on this one! I’m disappointed but I am really looking for commitment and someone who had their own home would be better also for a number of reasons.

Sorry, I posted moments after.

You know what you want, so follow your plan.

If Sunday is the only day he can “sneak “ off you are wasting your time - really, what is he not telling you?.

He doesnt sound the bargain of the decade even before that.

Hell of a long contract though! When my DH stayed away his Company picked up all the bills for his accommodation and expenses - it didn’t cost him a penny.
Sadly, I think the OP has the picture now.

Ooh no - you are either 'worth it' or not... His attitude speaks volumes.

This doesn't ring true to me, surely a man of that age would have his own house.

A good job? Well you need to find a bit more about him and tread with caution at all costs.

Wish you well.

I’d say that’s definitely a red flag

If you met him online you have no reference point as to his background, friends etc. Does he have any friends? Does he talk about siblings, family, past relationships etc.

There is nothing wrong with you each paying for your own but if this is a very rigid arrangement I wouldn't like that, personally. Its sometimes nice between friends for one to pay one time and the other the next... its a more generous way somehow...also a bit of trust in that.

Frugal can also be meanness and that is horrible to be around.

And yes, he may well have another world elsewhere as others have suggested
It doesn't sound great and I think you already know that from what you've said. You are worth more than this in a relationship.

If you just want a bit of company it might just be ok but there seems to be a lot about this man that you know little about.

If you were online...get back there and find someone better!

There are some nice men who are more available in all senses of the word. Why waste your precious time with this man? You're still young with lots of opportunity. Go girl!