Am I expecting too much?

I have twin sons. One DIL said to her husband "It's your brothers birthday ". The answer she got was "oh God, is it? When is it?". The whole family has given up expecting him to remember anything!!

My children have never given us a card or anything . We went on holiday with them for our 40th ....no card. When they were 24, 22 and 20 we had a big party for our silver wedding anniversary ....we had nothing from all 3 of them and they were all still living at home! I don't even think they'd know what date it was. I just don't think that they think it is a thing to do , that it's just between us as a couple. I was a little hurt at our 40th but I honestly don't think it occured to them 🤣

All relatives, young or old, are only likely to make a fuss of your anniversary if you have sent them cards with big red writing on about 6 weeks before saying YOUR MUM AND DAD'S 30TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY IS ON XXX AND THEY WILL BE VERY HURT IF YOU DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE IT SOMEHOW.
In other words you need to spell out exactly what is expected. `
Otherwise you are best organising a little party for yourself and inviting them.

My MIL always expected a card from her son (DH ) on their wedding anniversary and made a big thing of it.
We have always told our children that we don’t expect anything from them. It is our anniversary. We celebrate together.
Also told them we weren’t sending them cards on theirs.
We did for their first and their tenth (which was a big surprise to our son and DIL as they had forgotten)

We did have a great day on our 50th anniversary when all the family were together. That was nice but I wouldn’t expect anything normally.

To my mind it’s not a big deal. If you want to celebrate your anniversary then do so, you and Dh.
Congratulations anyway. Hope you make plans to do something nice.

Yes I've been away for some birthdays and anniversaries. But I know how you feel we make sure our sons, daughters and grandchildren have birthday cards and presents. One of the comments saying they live busy lives and perhaps us as parents are not on the the top of there priority list. What a selfish comment. I'm sure they wouldn't like it if there events were forgotten. Happy Anniversary and my advise is to celebrate with your husband and go somewhere you have always wanted to visit and perhaps when it is there birthdays etc just a card and go about your normal day. Perhaps they will then realise how hurt you are.

Have always said to our children "You were not around when we got married so you don't need to celebrate it!".We never have any spare cash to do much usually so we have never made a thing about the day cept to say well done we made it through another year! We don't do the gift giving either or cards.
It was our 45th a couple of weeks ago, we bought a rose bush to mark the achievment as we both think we are still doing well and this year should acknowledge it!......just hoping it stays alive!

I sometimes forget my own birthday. There’s no hope of remembering my parent’s wedding anniversary 😄
I think your distress is a tad over the top.

I know precisely how you feel, and personally I do not think you were asking too much for your anniversary to be remembered, but unfortunately very few of our children's generation attach any importance to these occasions, so perhaps you and I are the unreasonable ones.

I hope you managed to salvage the day.

I have tried to not expect our wedding anniversary or my birthday to be remembered, as DH is notorious for telling me he thought my birthday was two days after it was!

My AC would never in a thousand years remember our wedding anniversary - it is after all our anniversary not theirs!! As for DH he forgets too , until I remind him we ought to celebrate with a meal out ! Which he is more than happy to do - if I book the table !! Does'nt bother me at all. My parents were very happily married and never mentioned their wedding anniversary!! We seem to be following suit.

That's so funny MargaretinNorthant .

I send both DDs Anniversary Cards and a cash gift (usually in Euro) as both dates are just before their annual holidays.
They never marked our anniversaries, but we are such a small family, I just think it’s a nice thing to do.

I genuinely wouldn't expect my children to remember my anniversary

Your expectations for what you believe you should get from others are quite high

If it matters to you, then show it yourself! Don't sit back and wait for your husband or children to do the work! Get him involved in planning a celebration, invite people over, book a table, cook a meal, make what you want to happen, happen...

I would be more hurt hurt with my husband than the AC, he is the one that married me

Wedding anniversaries are more for couples, I think

Now, did you ask your husband how he wanted to celebrate the anniversary?

While 30 years are a lot, I would not consider it a significant milestone such as 25 or 50th

I does rather sounds as though your AC were as interested in the anniversary as your OH.
You can either let it go OR tell them all exactly how you feel.

I never remember our wedding anniversary, my husband usually reminds me a couple of days after the event.
Different things are important to different people. I certainly wouldn't expect my family to remember the date.

I tend to think that wedding anniversaries are important to the couple, anyone else
who remembers is a bonus. Our children have never acknowledged our wedding anniversary.

I’d expect your husband to organise something as it’s his anniversary too, but not your adult children.

We plan our own anniversary escapes. No children needed. Many times we 'run away' to Gretna Green - silver, ruby, golden and diamond.

We don't expect our children to acknowledge, not their anniversary.

Growing up I didn't know when it was my parents anniversary. It was never mentioned. I also didn't know my grans birthday. It passed without comment! (She lived with us)

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

My sister (the one above me, I'm the youngest of 4) hits 30 years on New Years Eve! My other sister was 29 years last month and my eldest 26 last week apparently! (I never know the other 2 even though I was there). The ONLY reason I remember the NYE one is because our very first dog died the day before age 17! On the day, on the way to the registry office with 29 yrs married sister and her fiance, she saw me crying in back of car, turned and said "Don't cry, you're not losing a sister, you're gaining a brother" My reply? "I don't care about that, I'm crying cos we lost Silver yesterday!" AND I will STILL say that! She was a blue Merle border collie, wold eyes, would announce to the world we were leaving the place, steal eggs off the nest, steal the cats milk, let us play with her pups (She had 2 litters, though one day we couldn't find them and saw movement, followed her carrying them one by one to a new hideyhole!) She was a HUGE part of my childhood and seeing that mum reared us 4 by herself I feel we had a good childhood in our cold house (open fires no DG or CH, but that's a different story! Winters in the 1980's were proper cold winters, and yes we went to school, no shutting the doors then!)

Everybody is different, I may be 1 of 4 (with no-one except couple of dogs and Mum) but we don't celebrate wedding anniversaries, never have. Unfortunately marriage ISNT seen like it used to be and I DO think that any one who has stayed married that long WELL DONE! Any one can shack up with someone, have a sprog, joint bills etc, but marriage is binding and attitudes have changed so again CONGRATULATIONS!

Gosh no I wouldn’t expect children to send cards for your wedding anniversary I m divorced but I doubt they would have had a clue I can’t even remember the date myself I think it was November but that’s about all I don’t think I used to send my mum and dad wedding anniversary cards !!! Not sure but it doesn’t ring a bell

I don't get it, nothing to do with your kids..its a personal thing between you and your husband. He's the one you should be unhappy with

Anon9
You asked if you were being unreasonable. The general consensus seems to be that you are.

My mum used to say Wedding anniversary's are between the couple.

I think if you are bothered about the "outward show" you should remind everyone who you want to be involved. Otherwise yes, don't expect anything.

My husband and I often forget - and only remember one of our children's wedding dates as it's the ssme date as a family birthday!
Remembering is a bonus here I'm afraid.

Last year we remembered late in the day and had an impromptu celebration by way of opening an expensive wine (one we'd bought on a whim and were "saving for a family occasion") and enjoyed it over dinner. ... and in front of the TV later till it was all gone!

Occasionally one of the children remembers - but only if there has been some sort of conversation about it (say) two days before.

We were in the vicinity of one of our daughters a few years ago on what was her anniversary - and (as we'd remembered it) we popped in to a local supermarket and bought a big bunch of flowers. When we dropped in with them she and her husband appeared at the door "oh hello, what's all this for?" They had no idea.

My husband has made a list as it was a nice thing to do - but of course we still have to consult it!
I don't think anyone else in the family has subsequently benefited from our largesse.

If it really bothers you I think you need to be the one organising. That way they will all know.

Good luck.