Funerals and number of Attendees

The last funeral I attended was back in the late 90s and it ended in an allmighty row with my walking out of the house. Liverpool funerals are infamous for that. They often end in a drunken punch up!

The next one I attend will be my own.

I signed up with Direct Cremations a few years ago. I am not religious and for me a funeral is just a vulgar show for the world.

Mourning is done in the heart and the memory, and not in the garments.

I’m much the same as you,Judy54.

When I’m feeling playful I think a buisiness called Rent A Crowd could be useful!

I will be having a closed funeral with immediate family only and no wake

We recently buried my FIL and he did not have a funeral. He was cremated and we had a family meal to remember him

I think planning your own funeral is quite selfish. It should be for the people who are left behind to do what they feel happy with. All my family know I hate funerals and begrudge the wasted money spent on them but if they decide they need to do one for me that’s up to them. I know one of my sons feels quite strongly that funerals are a fitting way of saying goodbye to someone so I suppose he’d want one for me. I have told him that I’d be annoyed with him if he spent lots of money on I though!

I have made all the arrangements to leave my body for medical research. My husband knows my wishes - I want no funeral, memorial service or gathering of any kind, and want no notification of my death placed anywhere at all. I have also requested that he does not ring round telling people of my passing.

It is so interesting to read everyone's different views on here.
I lost both my parents during lockdown, and their funerals were not at all what I would have hoped for, just 4 of us in a huge crematorium chapel.
I couldn't wait to honour them both in our local parish church, with flowers, their favourite hymns and music, and my brother and I took great care to summarise their long lives well lived in the service of others with humour and kindness. No, we don't have a large family but I like to think that we did our absolute best for them at the end. As someone said, it is for the family, and it was a great comfort for us. My cousins and children came, and a few friends.
What I learnt was that it is difficult to plan when you don't leave any clues - I knew exactly what my father wanted as he had left instructions (typical!!), but had to plan for my mother myself.
The culmination of scattering ashes in the place mapped out by my father brought the whole family together, and my cousins and I have become very close, which is what the older generation would have wished. And it is a comfort to me to look out across our churchyard and look at their headstones, knowing that they are still close by.

What an odd question Joseann? I shouldnt think its because of that at all.

Larsonsmum.thats ok so far as what you want doing, but if he doesnt ring or whatever telling people it could be embarressing or upsetting for him if he bumps into them and they ask after you, as folk do.Also, have you asked him how he feels about all this? Or if he may be comforted by any kind of service or memorial etc?

I've planned my funeral, hymns, music etc themes that have been important to me. If I go unexpectedly, I don't want my family worrying about what I'd have wanted. To me it's just being considerate. We're going to a very small funeral on Friday and the husband is so distressed that he doesn't think he can face it. How much less stressful to be given a plan, however rough, to help you get through the awfulness of planning a funeral when you are grief stricken.

I do have a little bit of a problem, more of conscience than anything. I want to be cremated but DH wants to be buried. One thing we agree on is no church service as we have friends that either are too old to attend or not well so it would be just our son and daughter with one granddaughter. If DH goes first he would be buried. If I am left when I die I want my ashes scattered but he says we should be together in a grave!! If he's not here should I do what I want? Hope that all makes sense!

foxie48 that is exactly what our AC said.

Well i will give it a thought later, but i already have made a will, and got insurance, but its all depressing today so am going to do something cheerier.sorry.😐

It must depend on how old you are when you die, mustn’t it? My grandmother died at 99 yrs 10 mths and there were 5 people at her funeral - all her friends had already died.

As I am 93 this is a subject close to my dicky 'eart!
I have suggested a Direct Cremation but my Offspring don't want that as they remember their Dad's cremation and get-together. The latter did not have a religious service though we said the Lord's Prayer and there was a Celtic Blessing. It had all his favourite music and afterwards so many people said they wouldn't have missed the service for all the world. This made me laugh and would have made my husband laugh too but I know exactly what they meant. I have listed people to contact, music I like, passwords to all my PC accounts (VERY IMPORTANT), and even what I'd like done with my (considerable) wardrobe. All my subscriptions with Direct Debits are there and any info that I think they might need. They also know where to find all this information.TIP : Please keep details in a clearly-labelled FILE to cut down any problems family might have. Don't have to mention a WILL, do I!

I don't understand this no funeral fashion. Why don't you want a funeral?

As has been said it's for those left behind ti help them through their grief.
I was a child when my DF died in an accident very far from home. He was buried there and I didn't have the chance to visit his grave until I was nearly 60.

When my DH died it was the Lockdown so we were allowed only 20 people and in the end only 15 came. No singing allowed. It was streamed at least. I get pangs of funeral envy when I attend funerals now. There were 2 last week..

When DMiL died recently she had left written instructions which we kept to, mostly.
She didn't want a eulogy but she chose the hymns. She said we were not to be mean with the food or booze at the gathering afterwards. We weren't!

I gave attended 2 funerals recently, both family members, one tiredly unexpected and the the other, Friday just gone, mot unexpected.
I have made no arrangements for my own funeral, although there will be funds to cover it. I agree with those who say that the funeral is for those left behind; a time to gather together, grieve certainly but also celebrate the life of the deceased and share memories. The old fashioned format of a service ( religious or not) followed by a wake seems well suited to this.

* have, *totally
Pity we can't correct what we've just written 😫

Since I turned 65 this year I think about it often more so than is healthy really.
I moved from my home town a hundred miles away a couple of years ago, and due to mobility problems I don’t get out much so haven’t made any friends here.
I have a very small immediate family so wouldn’t want the embarrassment of hardly anyone being there so I have decided to have one of those personal cremations

DH died last year. He didn't want an "open to all" type funeral. Notice in local paper only gave details of death but no funeral details and indicated those wishing to attend had to contact family. Only those who knew him had those details and some who didn't know made efforts to make contact and were invited to service and reception. Had a lovely ceremony in a local funeral director's beautiful room, accommodating up to 40. Reception in a hotel with significsnce to DH and family. Transfer for cremation at 8 am next morning. Definitely what I want. Can't understand why people know of a person but have never even met them feel the need to attend a funeral.

My brother died fairly young and very unexpectedly his funeral was amazing approximately 300 people attended and it wasn't organized by my mum me or my sister, but it was a joyous celebration of his life.
Yes I have planned my own funeral service and don't expect more than a dozen people to attend. It was the hardest thing I have had to do. I spent a whole day writing letters to each of my family. Chose two songs one for the begging and one for the end, then printed copies of both. Then wrote a very short synopsis of my life and ran off copies of that. What I have done is basically handed my life story to whoever attends my funeral I have invited anyone who wants to, to stand up or sit where they are and say one sentence about me, funny or dad I don't mind.

I have chosen not to have a funeral. I am having a direct cremation and it's already paid for. If the kids want to have a wake then there will be money enough to pay for it in my bank account, if I know I am going to die then I intend to have the wake before I die so that I can attend it.

I would like to be cremated and then fired off into the night sky in a fire work and a pink one at that

My husband died yesterday. He is going for a cremation , no ceremony and just a celebration of his life with family at home. We are not great believers despite being brought up in the Church of England and Catholic faith. His ashes will be taken up Coniston Old man in the Lake District. Just perfect for him and us.

I really dislike funerals - so, my unattended cremation is all sorted and paid for. The kids can scatter my ashes and have a little get-together with family if they choose. I'm glad they won't have the bother of arranging things at a difficult time.

My husband died last year and was buried in a ‘family only’ service in the village burial ground where I have reserved a space. Friends and colleagues gathered for an afternoon of remembrance with his music, genealogy, bird photos he had taken etc. It was the right thing to do for him, but I’d just like a quiet burial in the village with only close family there.