Is there anything in your life you wish you could have changed / overcome?

I wish I had been a confident child, and a lot more daring!

I lived in Far East for 7 years, flown hundreds of thousands of miles but the last flight home I was sick before and during. Not flown since (1997). Neither child likes flying, one drugs up before the other doesn't even have a passport

I regret that I didn't enjoy and make use of all the amazing facilities at my undergraduate university.

I went back years later for postgraduate study and did SO much more. I used labs and equipment, "picked brains" from other tangential disciplines and learned SO much.

When I was 17 and went to university I realised how privileged I was to be there but I didn't fully realise that the whole university was there for me! It was my oyster - abd not just my own department. I did go to other academics in other schools to ask/borrow/try to understand specific things but never (for example) used the equipment in engineering or used the psychology department to further my understanding of my own undergraduate work.

I know this is a rather niche regret but sometimes I come upon something and know it was there to explore and I chose not to!

Literarylover

I wish I'd married a more affectionate man. Today is our wedding anniversary. 40 years. He's not forgotten but won't even mention it.

For your anniversary ....... sorry they are late x

Thanks for the kind messages x

My girls grammar school, in the 1950s wanted as many as possible of us to go to university and had a reputation for academic excellence.

Their fall back was that we should apply to teachers training college in case we didn't get into university. The assumption was that if we went to university it would be to read for a degree in one of our A level subjects and that we would then become teachers. I refused to apply to teachers training college because I didn't want to teach. Mind you I also chose to study a subject not on the school syllabus.

Nursing was the fall back for those applying to medical school to be doctors.

In the early 1970s my all-girls school's careers advice was that ideally each year two or three of us would go to Oxbridge, then as many as possible to university, failing the grades for that it was a degree at a polytechnic, next on the list was art school and if all else failed it was nursing.
Sorry if that offends people on here, I think it's dreadful as well but that's how it was ☹️

My mother's careers advice was that doing a degree saved having to make a decision about what to do for another three or four years, and in the meantime you'd be in the right environment to meet a man who would earn enough to support a wife and family.
Never any discussion about what I might like to do.

She didn't approve when I registered as a childminder when my own three children were young.
I had a baby booked in to start (his mum was a teacher) and my Mum said if I told her I couldn't look after him, maybe she'd stay at home and look after him herself 🙄

Sparklefizz

I wish I hadn't chosen my first husband, but then I wouldn't have had my much-loved children.

Absolutely the same here. I also wish I'd worked harder at school, much too interested in sport!

Should say treat not great.

Great yourself if he doesn't literarylover sending you a ((hug)).
I wish I had learnt to ride a bike but we were poor so never hard one.
I too am a reluctant driver and wish I wasnt.

I regret convent education of 1960's with non existent career guidance and no parental input.

Nothing specific to convents, this was the situation in most schools. DH's state grammar was no better.

Oddly enough at my convent grammar school the local authority career service made a visit each year. I think during our O level year,. We filled in a form and had an interview.

Like all 16 year olds I did not want to work in an office and I wanted to travel. I sat in front of the career advisor overweight, with NHS specs, with acne and and a really unflattering hair do and they suggested I became an air or ship stewardess. They gave much the same advice to all of us.

This did not stop me applying to university to read economics, which horrified the nuns when they found out. They thought I was applying to read history.

My parents could give little advice as my father was in the army and stationed in Malaysia at the time. My mother wanted my sisters and I in nice safe professions with pensions (the result of a finanicial precarious childhood) and favoured banking, civil service, teaching and the like. Instead I had a career in industry.

I’m so sorry to hear that Literarylover. I hope that you are able to celebrate your anniversary yourself in some way. Life with an undemonstrative man is not easy. You have done well. 💐🍷

When I was 10 I had a part in the school play, but as well as speak words, it required me to make animal noises, and I just could not do them for fear of being laughed at. In th end they gave my part ot someone else.

I was really upset and vowed then and there, that never again would I not do something I wanted to do because I was scared - of anything, public ridicule, or just plain frightened.

And since then i have kept my vow, I never let my fears stop me doing anything I want to do, perhaps not 'never' but very rarely.

I wish I'd married a more affectionate man. Today is our wedding anniversary. 40 years. He's not forgotten but won't even mention it.

Meyoo

I wish I'd learned how to cope with my manipulative mother better and at an earlier age. Although on important matters I completely ignored her it took me until I was in my 50s to answer a phone call from her and tell her I wasn't playing her ridiculous games and that if she was only ringing to sulk I was going to put the phone down. She spent years trying to control us, her children, and playing us off against each other. The only time she ever laughed was at another person's misfortune and tried to drag us into her petty dramas.

I regret convent education of 1960's with non existent career guidance and no parental input. So despite brains to do well, my career choice was limited.

i mostly regret getting pregnant at 16 and marrying the father i was given a choice by my mother of either marrying or giving up the child so i married we divorced after 30 years of marriage and 2 children and his affairs the final woman managed to break up our marriage but i now many years later often wonder how different my life would of been

I wish I hadn't chosen my first husband, but then I wouldn't have had my much-loved children.

Firstly a comment on other peoples problems re driving or flying. Perhaps the person who does not like flying could look at travellin by rail abroad? i am looking at these right now and there are some good possiblities. have seen one escorted one. I have lived and worked abroad and dont need the escort for the rest of it but they deal with luggage and so forth and so you can really enjoy sitting in a comfortable train, enjoying the countryside and I think it is a lot less hassle than flying. Havent been on one yet, but basically they start on Eurostar from St Pancras and away you go to Paris or Rome or whatever. My first long train journey was when I was aged 19 and newly engaged and I was crazy enough to take my brother aged 9 on his first trip and we went to Dusseldorf by train to meet my fiancee, who worked for a swedish company. We were meant to meet up and then planned to go camping in austria. Best laid plans - there was a problem and we had to drive back to Paris immediately. But it was a great trip. Freedom in a train to walk about, not like coaches , so that would be my suggestion for non flyers to consider. Then about driving. So often these problems arise because men try to dominate the driving situation especially when they retire and you have only one car. I have done 10 years as a volunteer hospital car driver and have heard many tales from women in particular of this type of thing. I advise all the women I know or meet and discuss this sort of thing to do a couple of things. If they like the fact that their husband can drive them around when he retires always make sure that you drive at least once a week to somewhere, Your local shopping trips but also going off on little journeys, whether on your own, with family or friends. As the driver i stand no comments, tutts etc or queries on the way I am going.I politely but firmly state I am the driver, and if they want to be a passenger in my car they can enjoy the view and rest shut their eyes or whatever but I will accept no critisism from back seat drivers. If they continue to cause problems I either wait until I am the passenger and give them a dose of their own medicine and the minute they start to complain I simply say Yes I agree it is annoying, that is what you were doing yesterday etc, As I passed my test in London and three weeks later drove to Yugoslavia, have driven and lived in Euirope etc consider myself a decent driver and wont let their attittude deter me. So if this continues they are offered the opportunity to sit in the back or to read their book , ( which is said in a firm voice but is basically a polite way of tell them to SHUT UP. Then I would organise to g o out alone or with a friend and go off and enjoy driving in a relaxed mode. Fair is fair and if there is only one car I would instigate a take turns having the car and not on their terms so that you never got it at the weekend when it was football etc. They can learn to respect you and share, so can organise to go to football with a friend and take turns driving, saving costs and sharing in a proper manner. You are not the taxi driver for your husband and if he is retired the reason for having the car that he had previously has now gone. I advise people if they have had two cars to sell them both and get a good exchange or whatever on a car that can be second hand but which is new to you both and that you BOTH drive it and check that it is comfortable for you both and you both are happy driving it. That you there is a mental change as neither of you feels the other is "invading" their car. The practical and real argument you can use for this is that, no one knows what will happen in life. You may be the most confident driver with a clean license for 50 years, but if you suddenly have eyesight problems or a stroke or whatever immediately your ability to drive yourself has altered. Either one of you might have to become the sole driver. If this is through sudden illness, the stress will be so much more if you are not used to being the driver and dont feel safe travelling around. I have had success in particular with two different ladies that i used to take to hospital. One had a clean license but hadnt really done much driving for about 5 years. So if you think of yourself in the centre of a ring with circles of 5 miles 10 miles and 20 miles or more you begin. First , choose a quiet time of day and drive to your local cafe or check a couple of ways to get to your local doctors and hospital. Find 3 different ways to get to your nearest town that you like by different roads , pretending that the one you usually use is closed for repair. Then when that gives you confidence , if there is a sunny autumn day , ring up a friend that you trust and go on a spur of the moment for a drive in the countryside and take your picnic to enjoy. As your confidence builds go a little further etc. Think of the language you use to your partner. Dont say " do you mind if " or " can I have " the car. Work out your plan and state firmly " I am going out with Rita today for lunch" or "I am off for a trip to the countryside to enjoy the autumn colours. do you want to come? . " so you are being perfectly reasonable and do not allow yourself to be fobbed off or told you cant have it because !!! If this does not work then I dont know how you work out your finances but after all bills are paid and you then have equal shares of available money to spend. I would then not use the car, take taxis, get a rail card etc and firmly state that as you are not using the car that they should pay all charges both buying, servicing tax etc etc for the car and you will have your money to use in the way you want to. Any complaints and you state that you are only prepared to pay your half if you have equal and fair use of the car. if you have very different pleasures it is fine to negotiate so I would be prepared for him to have the car for football on a saturday as I much prefer to go out on a weekday for my pleasures going to the countryside or to the coast etc. Dont let it gradually creep back to him having the car on all the best days. Get together with a friend as I did recently. We both live alone and the cost of things are always more for solo visitors. so we took a cottage in the lake district on a non holday week, shared the cost of the cottage and the fuel. I am a confident and happy driver and my friend preferred to be the passenger as I also knew the area well. We had a lovely time, a bedroom each, I get up early as my back is very painful etc, so I went off and went swimming very early at a local pool, came back and we had breakfast, decided where we would go next, made picnics and took ourselves off as and when we chose. Very relaxing, we were able to go to some way off places that I knew of etc. Listened to radio 3 concert , bought chinese takeaway for evening meal. (always keep box of plates , cutlery cafetiers , bone china cups and mugs etc. short of nowt Ive got as they say. Did the same thing last year with another friend who was a very good and confident driver but who had cataracts and was not able to drive at that time. Did exactly the same and we had a lovely time and she has since died so I was so glad I had that time. Remember as you build up your confidence to never totally rely on a satnav, and carry a good clear map in the car with you. So if there is a traffic problem you pull into a layby , look at the map and decide it there is another way you could go. Also I get people to look at their destination and the road they intend to travel on. Then ask them to look at the nearest other town to the left and to the right of their intended route. So if there is any traffic problems or also often the signposts that have said Richmond for the last 4 signs suddenly the Richmond sign does not appear on the next one. Having an idea of what is to one side or the other of the route means that you can easily see that Catterick is signed and that is close to Richmond so you can follow that off the roundabout, then safely pull into a lay by and check your map and decide which way to go from there. Sorry I have gone on for a long while but I do think this is very important to ensure that you remain in charge of your life as long as you are able to and that you definitely do not feel guilty because you no longer do something. so long as you stop driving because it does not appeal and not because you feel too anxious that is find.
Back to the orginal question. Wish I had never met my first husband who turned out to be a devious and controlling person. However he is now dead and I am alive, and learned during that time to take charge of my life and still do. Wished that I had been able to go to live in Brazil, but we ended up going to Damascus and I never got their. dont have the money to do it now - will still do it if I win the lottery - Remember that great poem and if you dont know it go and look it up. It is called 'Warning' by Jenny Joseph and it begins

When I am old I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesnt go and doesnt suit me

do read it and then pin it up in your kitchen to remind you that you should start practising now so that people are not surprised when you are old and start wearing purple!! Good luck all and give it a go. As far as we know we only have one life so go for it.

Yes, I’d like to go back and do it all again - properly!
Eliminate all mistakes and all misjudgements.
Learn from what went wrong first time around.
Do it all right this time.

That's terrific NanKate - what a great idea to have a refresher lesson.

I'd totally forgotten that my daughter did exactly that after 12 years in London without a car - but I think it's a great idea for those whose husbands tdnd to do the driving.

JDotJ I too am claustrophobic. It doesn't spoil my life as I don't get into situations that involve small spaces. I always ask for a ground-floor or first-floor room in hotels for example as I won't use lifts. Not keen when train doors are locked but I know I could stop it if needs be. My big problem is public toilets as I have a huge fear of being shut in one particularly if it has the type of lock that goes inside the door so you can't see it. I can't stand dark houses with small windows. Wherever I am I have to be able to see my exit. Never happier than outside in the fresh air.

I only learned to swim in my 40s and I say swim and no more. Hate being in the water. Convinced I had some unfortunate experience in the sea where I lived when quite young. I avoid water at all cost. Just wish I was confident as I know I miss a lot of fun taking GC to a pool and seaside, never mind the exercise element.

I wish I had known that not everyone went to a fee paying school, which my parents scrimped and saved for. I thought everyone’s parents paid. I would have worked harder. I was more interested in getting a boyfriend. The one subject I did well at was English, which helped when I volunteered to teach adult literacy years later.

In my 50s I applied to do a Teacher training course at University I was accepted and passed, but sadly my parents were long gone so they never knew, that makes me sad.

Regarding driving. I lost confidence during Covid and virtually gave up. DH said I needed to be able to drive in case he was ill or he died. I had one refresher lesson and the instructor said I was ok but far too slow. I’m now driving much more confidently. So can I suggest driving lessons to anyone who wants to continue driving?