Auntie was a bit of a Mrs Malaprop.

My daughter when young was nicked named Mrs Malaprop... We would have to read the 'destructions' instead of instruction s for new game etc.

My darling Mum's were 'pimrose' and 'fruneral'. Can't remember what he actually called it, but know my Dad couldn't say vinegar.
A man I worked for always called the flowers 'marygolds' and 'tubercaloricus' for TB.

I knew a guy who said chocolate block instead of chock-a-block.

My mother thought it lovely I went to “St.Toupee” for my honeymoon. “Heart rendering” for a moving song, but that might be correct? “Wreck of the hesprit” on going out looking a mess.

My Auntie ordered the "soup du jour" then complained and said "I have had soup du jour before and this tastes nothing like it!"

When unisex hair salons started to become popular, the late Mr. Guesswhat kept calling them “bi-sexual” hairdressers.

I always remeber my mum buying vibrator for her friend. My sister and I looked in horror when we saw it was a massager for her neck!

I had an aunt with Mrs Malaprop leanings. She would not have known the word hysterectomy but often mentioned people she knew who had gone into hospital to have their wound removed. When a modern shopping precinct opened in her town she said she didn't think much of the new shopping precept.

My Sifu, back when I practiced martial arts, used to say "It's 6 and two thirds ", instead of "6 and two 3's", when trying to explain something could be either/or. He was the King of Malaprops, every conversation containing at least one! Wish I could remember more than that one now!

On leaving the ballet performance our local dance group gave , my husband said loudly…. We’ll that was very well corrugated wasn’t it! Think he meant choreographed but he also says some men a pain in the throat. He says it’s because his first language is Welsh and he didn’t speak English till he was 12.

I do this on purpose all the time, much to the 'fake' annoyance of my 12 year old granddaughter! (Everyone else I know just ignores it now). She's always correcting me and I act totally innocent and bemused at her reaction. Lol! For instance, instructions are 'destructions', "I beg your pardon?" is "I bag your puddin'?", "Excuse me" is "Exsqueeze me". I deliberately use Spoonerisms too, which she also likes to correct me on! Par Cark, Fog Dood, and so on. I've been doing it so long it's totally natural and I don't even think about it now, which can sometimes be embarrassing when speaking to a complete stranger......

My aunt was prescribed a course of stair rods (steroids)! My daughter ate breakstick when she was a little girl and now we still, as a family, call it that (breakfast).

My grandfather was very proud of a cousin and thought that after his degree he might go on to study for a BHS. Grandpa was a keen gardener, too, and had his annuals, biannuals and perannuals.

People from an area of my town, where my husband was from, always said chimley and skellington. This was in South Wales. They also had a problem with pronouncing Birmingham. I think it used to come out as Brimingham.

I knew a shop assistant who sold coronation milk (Carnation). My husband and I, according to him, have made our "power of eternity".
My Dad always referred to the register as the red chester.

My youngest daughter frequently mixes up her words. She once described her father and I her intermediate family!
Described a fried as not having battered an eyelash and while at school stood up in class and announced that an octopus had eight testicle.

Before I retired colleague said she was watching a tv programme in which two woman and a man had a ‘mangetout’! Not the usual ‘ménage a trois’!

Rude but true. When I was waiting in hairdressers lady came in and asked for an appointment for a ‘cut and blow job’!!

An office colleague sat there one day and said " I'm absolutely ravishing" - she meant ravenous and couldn't understand why we all collapsed into fits of giggles.

Oreo my mum and nan used to say skellington and chimley as well, but they were from Wales, not London. Used to drive me mad!

My mum used to say my kids did aerobatics (gymnastics) and that her favourite film was Officers in the Mist ( across between Gorillas in the Mist and An Officer and A Gentleman) My favourite though was her version of the game Bongo Congo which she called Honky Bonky!

Oreo

My Mum always says skellington and chimley, and my Nan used to as well, may be a Londoner thing.😄
( skeleton and chimney)

Orea : So did my mum! She also said pruens. (Prunes)
Makes me laugh but difficult when growing up as I thought that was right. 😅

My DH’s ex MIL thought carrion crows were carrying crows! 😀

I love all these!
So why do I get really cross and grumpy when someone insists on saying mis - cheevy - us?

On hearing the price of an expensive pair of trainers, my mother said “That’s a lot of money for a pair of primsoles” and that is what we’ve called trainers ever since.