Daughter just uses me

I would be hurt like you, nobody can hurt you like your own adult child.
But be careful how you say anything, I would invite them round for a meal, get the conversation around to your granddaughter and say how lovely it is for her to have extra hours of play and laugh when you say you forgot to tell me or gentle words to that affect
It will avoid any argument if you laugh

Well said Shelflife.

I am sorry you have been hurt by your daughter's thoughtlessness, but young parents are so busy that she may just genuinely have forgotten to tell you of the new arrangement.

This is often trotted out when AC behave badly and it’s nonsense and just excusing poor behaviour and bad manners.

I am sorry you have been treated so shabbily OP.

In my opinion , it's incredibly rude and thoughtless .
Sadly , it seems to the norm these days .
Of course , there are families which are kind , polite and considerate towards each other .
I've had an overdose of being taken for granted and abuse from my children and most of my friends feel the same way .
And I'm wondering how much worse it's going to get .
In our High Street , over half term several pensioners were being called
m----r f-----s as they came out of the Post Office by a group of leering teenagers .

Try not to get upset, upsetting though it is. After a few weeks, I think you should speak to your daughter about suitable times to visit them or for them to come to you, I see know harm in you saying you missing seeing them all regularly and making alternative but pri less frequent arrangements. It may not be long before your granddaughter will want sleep overs at yours, and the parents will relish the break.

Redhead56

I agree take it as a compliment they don’t need to thank you every time you do something. Equally my family do plenty for me and my DH without asking. They are neither rude or uncouth but respectable that’s how they were brought up to be.

Its not about "thanking every time you do something!" It's about informing of a complete change/ending of a regular routine arrangement for childcare!!

The trick is to have absolutely no expectations. When something nice happens that is a bonus. If nothing nice happens then, as you were not expecting it to, your heart cannot be broken. Definitely build a life of your own independent of your family. Much as you love them they lead busy lives. Try not to be a duty or a burden.

grandtanteJE65

I am sorry you have been hurt by your daughter's thoughtlessness, but young parents are so busy that she may just genuinely have forgotten to tell you of the new arrangement.

At least she seems to be treating you and her MIL alike, which is something many young mothers are not doing, but I don't suppose that helps.

Try not to be too hurt, and don't let on that you feel used and discarded. Wait a week or two then ring them and invite them to Saturday or Sunday lunch. No harm in saying you miss seeing them.

No busier than anyone else! It’s rude and thoughtless

yes, you have been used. It would have been kinder to ask if you still wanted to care for your gc? It's like saying childcare is better than your care? families...........

I agree take it as a compliment they don’t need to thank you every time you do something. Equally my family do plenty for me and my DH without asking. They are neither rude or uncouth but respectable that’s how they were brought up to be.

Please do ask your daughter why she didn't tell you this! Also, make good arrangements as to when and where you will see your grandchild and spend some quality time with her. Maybe you van do pick-up some days?

Take it as a compliment. They know how much you love them as don’t feel the need to explain decisions or continually thank you for loving their children. They might even have thought you would welcome being freed from the obligation to provide free child care

Yorkslass23

We cannot tell someone to 'let it go.' The same way we should never say, "don't cry." Crying has good purpose. It is okay to cry. We are all individuals. We don't all do/feel or react the same way and each case is uniquely different. When anyone is unloading their sorrows, by talking about what hurts them, we must allow them the right to speak. If we have not supporting words, or don't wish to support then, then we ought to say nothing. That's all.

Correct.

Not everyone feels the same, best to just accept we're different.

you are right, Yorkslass23

We cannot tell someone to 'let it go.' The same way we should never say, "don't cry." Crying has good purpose. It is okay to cry. We are all individuals. We don't all do/feel or react the same way and each case is uniquely different. When anyone is unloading their sorrows, by talking about what hurts them, we must allow them the right to speak. If we have not supporting words, or don't wish to support then, then we ought to say nothing. That's all.

I truly empathize with you. I know how it hurts. Often, I wonder if this might happen to my daughter, that her daughters will behave the same way one day. My daughter's sister lives with me and we are so honest with one another. Her younger sister is married, to a wealthy man and so they get to go wherever they wish, they want for nothing (except good manners, it seems) Now with 2 children, it's such a crazy busy house. We used to be involved with everything they did, were there to care for the 2 grandchildren, when the wanted time to themselves. They used to come for sleepovers too. The four of us are so compatible (my live-in eldest and the 2 grandchildren). Now, she never returns calls, we don't know what is happening with them and the children. We used to spend Christmas, visiting each other. This has not happened for at least 3 years. I am sure the 'girlies,' as we call them, must wonder too. Sad indeed, and so very thoughtless, never to return calls. I never realized until now, that she only ever called when husband was away or when she needed a shoulder. Good luck..to both of us!

So sorry you feel like that is seems unfair to you but life never is fair . I can’t see my lovely family all the time but when we see each other it’s very loving and kind . Maybe best not too see too much all the time of them so you get dependent then feel let down - this is something my sister has not grasped and I can see some trouble and distancing ahead for her .

I would like to add that not all adult children treat their parents like that, in my opinion they aren’t all the same none of our four children are like it

What strikes me are the lengths we go to (self included) to desperately ensure that we are and we remain to be part of our adult children’s life. But so often it just does not happen. And not a chance of it ever happening. Sadly. All this nuclear family stuff is a load of b…..ks. Of course if we ever dare to refuse, distance, heaven forefend create our own lives from the start we are inevitably castigated as selfish and worse. Am reading a novel about a large 3 generation English family living together in very large house. It’s so joyous. In spite of disagreements. Reading it is my go to place when in need of cheering up. Which at the moment is often. Generations should live together. Think of the savings made on social care. But of course we will not. We are all individuals. Until we are not.

Sad to hear that, I’m sorry to say but I wouldn’t be so quick when she wants something again, fill your time with something for yourself, have a day with a good friend or join a hobbies group … your daughter has acted very out of order.

I don’t buy that youngsters are busy these days, your grandchild’s parents are well aware who was looking after their child once a week for three years, it’s plain rude not to tell you that this would be happening, I looked after my grandson too but my daughter was always respectful and informed me of any changes both parents were busy and still took work home from their days jobs it didn’t stop them telling me when changes arose, I can understand you feeling hurt, you say that it happened with her partners mother too, it’s obvious that’s how they as parents do things then.

Be grateful she's still here to use you , I wish my daughter was❤️

Yes that's also true Theexwife but that doesn't mean they take all the credit. We have no control over the decisions and choices our children make when they're adults, good or bad.

Smileless2012 true, however, there are many on here that will take credit when their children have achieved in life, are kind people, have good manners or are great parents.

Your daughter seems to be socially unschooled. Did you never teach her to consider other people's feelings?