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Baby at 40 years of

(47 Posts)
Happytravels Mon 16-Oct-23 16:51:09

Just wondering what the thoughts of children who have/had them when they were 40. I personally think it’s rather old as by the time the child is 20 their mother will be 60.

RosiesMaw Mon 16-Oct-23 16:53:20

That may be your personal opinion but isn’t it a matter of choice for that parents?
What’s wrong with being 60 when they are 20?
I was 62 by the time my first grandchild was born - so what?

GrannyGravy13 Mon 16-Oct-23 16:55:02

My sister was born when my mother was 41, there is 16 years between us, it wasn’t a problem.
She was a much wanted and tried for surprise.

I am eternally grateful to have the most fabulous sister.

kittylester Mon 16-Oct-23 16:55:05

I was 38 when my youngest was born. It's fine.

Georgesgran Mon 16-Oct-23 16:58:08

That may be your opinion.
Both my DD2 had their sons when they were happily married, settled and financially secure - both at 38. I think it’s more down to lifestyle and parental stimulation/responsibility rather than a number. My Dad was 40 when I was born and lived to 96 and I was never conscious that he was an older father.

Shelflife Mon 16-Oct-23 17:00:43

A new life is a miraculous event regardless of the age of parents. If a woman has a baby when she is 40 , yes of course the mother will be 60 when her child is 20. That is perfectly ok - why wouldn't it be? I fail to understand why you feel otherwise.

Hithere Mon 16-Oct-23 17:06:31

Anybody's reproductive choices are personal and none of anybody elses business

PinkCosmos Mon 16-Oct-23 17:08:05

Sometimes it isn't always a matter of choice.

You may not have met the right partner, you may have problems conceiving, you may be in a second relationship and want children with that partner, you may not be in a good enough financial position.

I was fortunate to have my first child in my mid 20's. I had my last child at 32. I had always said that I wouldn't want to be over 30 when I had children.

My mother was 25 when she had me. This meant that she was a grandma at 50.

I was lucky enough to become a grandma for the first time at 63.

However, in a perfect world, it would have been nicer if I had been ten years younger. I wonder if I will live to see my grandchild become an adult.

I can't say that I agree with these old male pop stars and film stars having babies when they are in their 70's and above. Usually the mother is decades younger. I think it is selfish on the part of the man as there is no way he will live to see his child grow up .

I believe Bernie Eccleston was 89 when he had his last child., I think Robert DeNiro also had a child when he was 79. I know this sounds unkind but, I do wonder if the mother sees the child as a meal ticket.

paddyann54 Mon 16-Oct-23 17:12:10

My friends daughter just had her first at 40,its the most wanted wee baby as they tried for years then had to have IVF .remember, parents at 40 aren't like ours were they still run and go to the gym and keep themselves fit and healthy.I was mid 30's when I had my last baby ,after several miscarriages and late losses.I was just as fit when he was 20 as I had been with my daughter who is almost 11 years older than him.
Everyone's circumstances are different and you really shouldn't judge

Doodledog Mon 16-Oct-23 17:14:03

60 isn't old, and 20 is an adult, so I don't see the problem.

A mother who is 60 when the child is 5 is likely to be problematic, but nature doesn't usually allow that to happen.

AGAA4 Mon 16-Oct-23 17:27:49

I was 39 when my youngest child was born and I certainly wasn't decrepit at 60. I could do everything for my DD that I did for my older children many years earlier and maybe better.
I was financially better off at 60 so she benefitted from that too.
I don't think 60 is old these days.

Primrose53 Mon 16-Oct-23 17:38:12

A friend of mine had two daughters in her 20s and a surprise third daughter when she was 42. She took it all in her stride after the initial shock and they have a lovely relationship.

When I was in hospital with my first there was a lady having her first at 52!

foxie48 Mon 16-Oct-23 17:41:57

I was 42 when I had my daughter tbh I thought I was peri menopausal so didn't immediately realise I was pregnant. I sailed through pregnancy although I'd had a difficult first pregnancy when aged 27. Baby born at term, decent weight and was just a delight from day one, I was a better mum the second time round, much less anxious about life and able to enjoy every minute. Although I went back to work when she was 4 months, my job was very pressurised so later on I went part time as I wanted to enjoy my daughter's early years. I've never really felt like an "old" mother and we've had a lot of fun together, still do although I'm nearly 75. We go away together and I joke about having a carer 24/7 but actually she keeps me young!

silverlining48 Mon 16-Oct-23 17:42:53

Friends of dd have all had first babies at 40. It’s not strange at all. Women of 40 are not old,
It’s a bit riskier perhaps but not much and circumstances are different these days
In my day anyone older than 25 was an old mother. I was 27 while most of those around me were teenagers which I thought even then was young,

silverlining48 Mon 16-Oct-23 17:46:55

This relates to first time mothers of course

BlueBelle Mon 16-Oct-23 17:48:21

No I don’t think 40 or 40+ is too old at all

Sara1954 Mon 16-Oct-23 17:59:55

I’ve had one child in my teens, one in my twenties, and one in my late thirties.
I know I was a much better mother to the last one, I enjoyed her so much more, I was relaxed, we were more financially secure, because of the age gap I could spend lots of time doing things with her, without worrying about the others.
We’ve had our ups and downs, but She’s in her thirties now, and we get along great.

Bella23 Mon 16-Oct-23 18:03:10

They wrote elderly prima gravitate on my notes when I had my first in my late 20s but that was 40+ years ago.
Neither of my DD's was married at 30 and so had children later.
Much loved and wanted babies came along when their parents were much more financially stable and defined careers.
A close relation had a baby in their mid 30's but the partner was mid 50's and that didn't seem to work so well in the 1960. Yet another relation has the same age gap now and nobody blinks an eyelid and it works.

Louella12 Mon 16-Oct-23 18:04:16

My mother in law was 47 when she had her 11th child.

She was full of life and quite happy. A patient woman!

She saw at least 40 grandchildren and a couple of greats.

It worked for her

rafichagran Mon 16-Oct-23 18:06:04

No not too old. Personnel choice, and sometimes things just happened accidently. My Mother was nearly 42 when she had my sister.

Tenko Mon 16-Oct-23 19:48:41

No it’s not too old at all. 40 year olds today are very different from 40 yo 40 + years ago . My ndn dd has just had twins aged 41 . She didn’t meet her partner until a few years ago.
Many younger women now want to wait until they’re established in their careers before having children, plus here in the south , you need a decent wage in order to buy a property.

Cabbie21 Mon 16-Oct-23 20:12:42

My mum was 39 when she had me. I was 23 when I had my first child, so still very active when grandchildren arrived. I am glad they are not young now as I don’t have the same energy. No regrets, but it is not up to me what other people decide/ how nature works.

lemsip Mon 16-Oct-23 20:17:42

back in the day that was par for the course.... my mother didn't get married till she was 33 in 1934 then kept having children for 10 years last in 1946.... 6 of us. lol

growstuff Mon 16-Oct-23 20:22:07

I was 42 when I had my second child. I've never felt too old to be his parent and I don't think he sees me as an old parent either.

M0nica Mon 16-Oct-23 20:32:31

The days when 60 was old have long gone.

I think what matters is how old the child is likely to be when there oldest parent dies.

I know that sudden and, not so sudden deaths, happen at all ages, my grandfather died when my mother was 6, so did my DDiL's father, but, setting that aside. I do think it very selfish of men to start fathering children in their 80s and 90s, they may, if all goes well still be alive when their children reach their teens, but it is more likely, that they will not and that for yars before that they maay be in poor health or develop dementia and need as much if not more care than their children. Children losing their father when they are still so young are going to have very few memeories of their father to carry them through.