Time to Die

Aveline, a grandmother’s 2nd husband, in his early 90s, was like this. He’d always been a cheerful, jolly old chap, but on the last occasion my mother visited him, he said, ‘I’m tired,’ and wasn’t his usual self.
He died not long afterwards, not of anything particular.

Baggs

Thank you for your words about the hospice where you volunteer, madgran. I hope my terminally ill daughter is helped by one, and by people such as you, when the time comes.

Bagga So hard for you all. You can make connections to a hospice to come under care from when a terminal illness is diagnosed. Their mission is to help people to live the best life they can to the very end and thus they provide support; care; activities; opportunities beyond anything one might imagine possible. PM me Baggs if you would like to discuss further ( and anyone else who would like to know more)

Transmissions I am so sorry that you and your husband have this to cope with. I hope you find the support on here helpful.

Baggs

Thank you for your words about the hospice where you volunteer, madgran. I hope my terminally ill daughter is helped by one, and by people such as you, when the time comes.

A few years ago I was speaking to my aunt Vi on the phone and I said you sound tired aunt Vi and she said “ I’m living too long”she was 97…

Aveline

I have certainly seen people who did want to die. They were very old people who felt they had had enough and just wanted to go. Pain was not an issue fortunately. They just seemed to have run out of steam. They just gradually lost their appetites and began to sleep more and more until they just drifted away peacefully. In some cases they were sad as all their family members and friends had died and they were left on their own with no one with shared memories.
Sometimes it seems to me that they knew they were going. My Gran and I had a lovely chat one day and she basically said goodbye. I had the chance to thank her for everything she'd been to me. She went to sleep that night and didn't wake up.

Totally agree. My mum just had enough, at 94 she had lost the use of her legs, was totally dependant and blind. She could not see any point and just turned to the wall one day.

She had an amazing life, but felt it was time, as she had no quality of life

This is a tough one for me. I’m nursing my husband who has alzhimers and is dying little by little each day.

It’s nearly nine years now since his diagnosis and I feel very much alone at times as I face new challenges.

I found his diary yesterday where he refers to “his problem with his memory, but he writes I will continue to enjoy my wife children and what’s left of my life “

So with his words in mind I will continue to support him in achieving that. I do thank God that I have friends and family around me though they have no idea of the difficulty of our days.

Thank you, Madgran

I'm sorry you have been through a lot merlotgran. So have I in the last 2 years and I know it's tough. The Katherine Mannix books are very thought provoking and really helped me in supporting someone also having Palliative Chemo. We each have to find our own way through and I hope that you do now that you feel you are moving on

This won’t be for me, I’m afraid. I’ve been through a lot in the last four years and am just beginning to feel like I’m moving on. I tend to avoid anything which will bring back painful memories although obviously it’s impossible to avoid them altogether.

I now need all the positive vibes I can muster to support another family member facing palliative chemo so it’s Pollyanna or I’m sunk!

Katgerine Mannix is a palliative care Drr who has written a couple of superb books about death and dying , preparing for it, what we need etc. Look her up if anyone wants to consider this whole issue and gain further understanding and /or support.

Agree!

Madgran I agree. I helped organise the first conference on caring for the dying in Bristol in 1973. The main speaker was Cecile Saunders who later became a Dame for her sterling work in the set up of hospices. Now we have them for children and their families as well as adults.

I volunteer in a hospice. It is a privilege to see:

a) the change in patients when they arrive in terms of being provided with appropriate care and medication to ease pain
b) the quiet acceptance that so many come to as they come to the end of their life
c) the support that enables families to come to terms with their relatives time to come to the end of their life

d) the support that is provided so that the patient and family can prepare, and for the family after their loved one has died.

Hospice type care should be available to all. Palliative care training should be standard across the NHS

biglouis

No one really wants to die. They just want the pain to end and not to have to wake up and bear it any more.

There are people who choose to end their lives because they are in pain of one kind or another. I have always believed we should allow them and make it as easy and as peaceful as possible. Helping someone to die if that is their wish should not be a criminal offence.

A close friend of ours recently died of cancer. He was in a lot of pain for quite a while and some weeks before he actually died, we were told that he’d said, ‘I really don’t want to endure this much longer.’
His dd told us right after he died that he really did ‘want to go’.

If people really can’t be given enough painkillers, because they would hasten a death that’s going to come fairly soon anyway, IMO there’s something very wrong somewhere.

(This was not in the U.K. BTW, before anyone starts blaming the NHS.)

My mother asked me to let her go, she was just tired of living with no quality of life. 😪

I suffer from chronic ill health and my pain levels are very high, sometimes I think I have had enough and am also a burden to my family, so I can understand why people want to let go.
Fortunately, due to modern medicine and my clinicians, I am able to come back from the brink and fight another day.

My daughter and I nursed my mother at home for the last few weeks of her life. She was 102 and the quality of her life in the previous months had dramatically declined. She was not in any pain but she was ready to die and chose to stay at home because she knew I would be there for her. Her last week was peaceful, calm and fuss free with no medical interventions All her family and friends were able to visit in her last days. In the end my daughter and I were sat holding her hands.

I have certainly seen people who did want to die. They were very old people who felt they had had enough and just wanted to go. Pain was not an issue fortunately. They just seemed to have run out of steam. They just gradually lost their appetites and began to sleep more and more until they just drifted away peacefully. In some cases they were sad as all their family members and friends had died and they were left on their own with no one with shared memories.
Sometimes it seems to me that they knew they were going. My Gran and I had a lovely chat one day and she basically said goodbye. I had the chance to thank her for everything she'd been to me. She went to sleep that night and didn't wake up.

No one really wants to die. They just want the pain to end and not to have to wake up and bear it any more.

There are people who choose to end their lives because they are in pain of one kind or another. I have always believed we should allow them and make it as easy and as peaceful as possible. Helping someone to die if that is their wish should not be a criminal offence.

O, I wouldn’t watch anything like that I must admit. Life’s hard enough.