Sarah, Duchess of York

I have several friends who were sent to boarding schools at age 7. They all hated it, remember it as a dreadful time in their lives. All except one are fathers. None sent their children away to school. Two made a decision not to have children because the feared making a mess of parenting,

i can well understand that.

RosiesMaw

My in laws likewise sent Paw to Gordonstoun where he was equally miserable.
I would call them misguided but not “cruel”

MIL thought it was the best thing for DH to send him to boarding school. He didn't like it, was always a bit rebellious but seems relatively unscathed.

I was desperate to go to boarding school with two of my friends, who loved it.
I read too much Enid Blyton and Elinor Brent-Dyer 🙂

i think boys generally had a much worse time than girls, due to most sexual abuse being perpetrated by men.

welbeck

i think boys generally had a much worse time than girls, due to most sexual abuse being perpetrated by men.

Well, that's a sweeping statement.
It may have happened to some but was not the norm.

very widespread, i'd say.
some may have been lucky enough to have dodged.
but i reckon almost all are were aware of its prevalence.

DH loved his time at boarding school. I always wanted to go to one too. Mallory Towers had a lot to answer for!

www.theguardian.com/society/2014/may/04/abuse-britain-private-schools-personal-memoir

My brother went to boarding school I was so envious , I would have loved to be a boarder, but I passed the 11+ and got a place at a good London grammar.

I’m with Welbeck, abuse of all kinds seems to have been the norm in many boys boarding schools. As she says, because most sexual abuse is perpetrated by men.

Many, many people have been badly affected by Boarding School. Just look up Boarding School Syndrome to see the effects it has on people, especially those so very young when they are sent. It affects their self esteem, ability to maintain relationships, ability to parent and many other things.

sorry, i've gone off-piste a bit.
but here is just one example; an individual whom i tried to bring to the attention of the national crime agency in the early 1990s.
unsuccessfully, as offences continued.
i had no idea just how bad it was.
so glad these ex pupils came forward. so brave. www.theargus.co.uk/news/6798713.jail-for-sex-case-teacher/

thank you Iam64 and icanhandthemback.

icanhandthemback

Many, many people have been badly affected by Boarding School. Just look up Boarding School Syndrome to see the effects it has on people, especially those so very young when they are sent. It affects their self esteem, ability to maintain relationships, ability to parent and many other things.

Well wasn't I lucky with Paw then?
Happy to say he suffered from no deficiencies in any of those respects.

Paw was fortunate, thankfully.

The men I know were all sent away to board at age 7. I suspect being so young contributed to the difficulties they faced then and in later life. One friend who is now 76 talked recently about the abuse the prefects meted out. Lots of bare bottom beatings.

RosiesMaw

icanhandthemback

Many, many people have been badly affected by Boarding School. Just look up Boarding School Syndrome to see the effects it has on people, especially those so very young when they are sent. It affects their self esteem, ability to maintain relationships, ability to parent and many other things.

Well wasn't I lucky with Paw then?
Happy to say he suffered from no deficiencies in any of those respects.

Ditto DH.
Perfect husband, great dad, confident and caring. 💘

Iam64

Paw was fortunate, thankfully.

The men I know were all sent away to board at age 7. I suspect being so young contributed to the difficulties they faced then and in later life. One friend who is now 76 talked recently about the abuse the prefects meted out. Lots of bare bottom beatings.

♥️

Selfish, manipulative??

I always wanted to go to Boarding School. My very famous school was just a 5 minutes walk away. So the only time I experienced boarding was when I went in , for what they call an annual “Retreat” - it was great !

It's very dangerous to generalise or extrapolate from examples in the past.
Yes there were disadvantages to boarding schools but you have also to remember that army , diplomatic ,etc families could have lived all over the world possibly moving every 3 or 4 yeats and it was not seen as unreasonable at the time to want a uniform UK education for your children.
However this is taking the thread in a different direction and I am not setting myself up as an apologist for the public school system.

Joseann

RosiesMaw

icanhandthemback

Many, many people have been badly affected by Boarding School. Just look up Boarding School Syndrome to see the effects it has on people, especially those so very young when they are sent. It affects their self esteem, ability to maintain relationships, ability to parent and many other things.

Well wasn't I lucky with Paw then?
Happy to say he suffered from no deficiencies in any of those respects.

Ditto DH.
Perfect husband, great dad, confident and caring. 💘

It's very dangerous to generalise or extrapolate from examples in the past

I agree.

RosiesMaw

It's very dangerous to generalise or extrapolate from examples in the past.
Yes there were disadvantages to boarding schools but you have also to remember that army , diplomatic ,etc families could have lived all over the world possibly moving every 3 or 4 yeats and it was not seen as unreasonable at the time to want a uniform UK education for your children.
However this is taking the thread in a different direction and I am not setting myself up as an apologist for the public school system.

And those children often had the added disadvantage of being in a different country to their parents and siblings. I only saw my older brother for one six week holiday during a two and a half year posting overseas. He never complained and to this day makes jokes about the whole boarding school experience. It can’t have been a bad time because he sent his own son to the same one.

There’s good and bad in all school systems.

Does she need the job?

I doubt she pays rent for the 30 room house she lives in

It can’t have been a bad time because he sent his own son to the same one.

Well, I went to Boarding School and wasn't abused but there's no way I would send my kids to BS. Learning to suppress your feelings, not being able to voice your concerns about anything or how to negotiate rather than living by a system of rules and punishments, missing out on how to parent your own children, not knowing being able to mix with your own siblings if they are in the same school because of the peer system or because they are in another school, etc, etc. Nope, I wouldn't send my children to BS having experienced the system and I think I was lucky because my Homelife would have been chaotic. There is such a large body of evidence to show how damaging it is that I couldn't disregard it.