WANTED staff and punters Argy Bargy under new management

Heres your Crème de moth Laura. Could you lock up tonight I’m off to my bed to think up some new drink ideas for the bar. Night night all

Cocktails lined up on the bar
Ducks Tail over Bum Quack is tasty slime with a pond flavour.
Sling a Poor Singer is a blend of the graveliness of Rod Stewart, gravel direct from his pothole filling exercise, and the sexbomb antics of Tom Jones, wrung from his own washed undergarments.
The Screwed Diver is ideal for drowning your sorrows.
Come one and all, never too early to start in the Argy.

New owners have acquired the old Wilko store on the High Street, knocked through the back of the Argy.
Wade through the lllama spit and sawdust, enter through the only slightly stained red velvet curtain to an area for the more discerning punter.
Chandeliers, roulette tables, a bouncy dance floor to rival Blackpool. Just waiting for punters to flock in.
Yey the Argy Bargy is going up market through its back passage.

I could not possibly visit such a dive. What would even the air do to my finery? Although money is no object here even I could not afford to dispense with my designer clothes daily.

the llamas are too close to the food being served and it makes me shudder when I saw a couple licking the food and they did not like it.

I’m sure our doorman Columbo could lend you his old mac Charleygirl, that would protect your designer finery until you’re through the curtain.
A bit of pole dancing in the new back room would mean you could keep your finery in a locker and earn a few bob at the same time.
Whatever floats your boat
Talking of boats where is ixion with the sailors from the Princess Pitt.

Charleygirl you could always come in via the front door into our more elegant bar. More suiting to the more genteel customers like you.
There’s a brocade chaise lounge in the corner with your name written on it…………I think you scratchd it on with your stiletto while you were intoxicated enjoying the ambiance .

Laura love what you’ve done with rear bar area.
Hang on a minute……..don’t tell me you’ve got Dyna Mite acting as croupier on the roulette tables. That could be an explosive situation.

I saw the initials CG scratched into the chaise and thought Cary Grant had returned.
That Ruby was asked if she could even read. How many books have you read I asked. She shouted read five and won thirty quid.

You’re right Doodle, Dyna Myte lights up a room..
Noooo, not literally. oh sh….. too late, there goes the roulette table.

I guess that's a definite NO then for a positive review, Charleygirl? .
Did you go to the little girl's room? No, I thought not.
They are sparkling, I haven't lost my touch. Nice, freshly washed vases of flowers, floral anti pong wafty things ...
And clean?🤷‍♀️. You should take your food in there, most hygienic place going.

So that’s where you’ve been all day ixion, loving the new pink marigolds

LauraNorderr

WANTED brave posters who fancy a bit of fun leading up to Christmas , just slip in through the saloon doors, then get up, wipe the slime off your posh frock, order a drink and see where it leads

Well, I fancy a bit of fun! Sad to say, I haven’t got a posh frock! However, there’s lots of slime on me old dungarees and I can order a drink (or 4) before I fall over!

Anyone got the poteen on yet ?

Ooh, welcome Patsy70.
Do you have any special talents apart from 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺.?
I think the Management (I use the term loosely) is trying to make the place more upmarket🤭. Bless.
Pull up a chair.

I've been locked in the cellar all this time with only Thor and Sven for company. I have been brewing so watch out for some special cocktails.
Voluptuous vodka mix. Gone with the Breeze and many more. The Admiral has tried them all. I think he's still on the roof.

Welcome Patsy, Brook will get the poteen going, meanwhile help yourself to a cocktail from the bar. Oops, let me help you up, that is a lot of slime on your dungarees.

Blimey AGA and you survived 😳

Good evening AGA, don’t pretend you don’t like being locked in the cellar with those two hunky men you minx

Gosh brook anyone seen AGA the fastest brewer in the west? We will need to get started soon.
Welcome Patsy have a glass of my Christmas grog. A delightful mix of cherry brandy, squashed mince pie and potpourri .
Maybe a glass of mullet wine 🍷 (sorry about the hair clippings)

AGA there you are. You’re looking wonderful if I may say so…….er Thor and Sven look a little worse for wear.🤔

Those llamas are a whiffy lot - I’ll have to give them a good hose down before opening night

Patsy there’s a man over there, the guy with one tooth, wants to buy you a drink, says his names Juanita.

I've had them hard at it. If anyone would like Thor and Sven to make them a cocktail they are only too happy to oblige. They will make you a drink too.

Cor blimey Brook you’re not wrong, those llamas are humming and it’s not Christmas music

Welcome Patsy. I hope you've been warned about the Admiral. He won't be indisposed for long. He has at least ten hands as most of the ladies have found out too late.