Christmas and sons dad

Very good advice here : don't give in to this emotional blackmail .
It's your house , your husband and your decision .
Don't pander or try to appease your son .
Don't apologise for your decision .
Let one of your ex -husband's girlfriends or your twins have him for Christmas .
He can't be that popular if no one wants him !

Son is entitled.

Is it too late to book a hotel for your husband and yourself?

Grandmafrench sums it up admirably. Your loyalty lies with your current partner.

Who would want their partners ex there at Christmas as ‘spectre at the feast’ ? Support your hubby your son may become more emotionally literate as he grows older. Oh dear this should be a happy time but it so often isn’t! Happy Christmas!

NO NO NO. Your loyalty now is to your husband. Absolutely.

From reading replies, I see there are 2 x 26year old adults that want to entertain their father over Christmas, and since they normally go to yours, the easy answer is to have their Dad over as well.

I'm hoping that they both don't live with you. Certainly one of them can entertain their father at Christmas at their own house during the day, then leave him there while thy have dinner at yours. Christmas doesn't need to be an all day affair at one house.

The cast of this particular Christmas Panto are all reading from their own scripts.

We seem to have a Sad Sack, not one but two Selfish Siblings, and a Pushover. The poor Grinch is merely an understudy.

You could have put an end to this non-drama immediately by not involving your DH., and announcing that Christmas would take place at yours, as usual, Siblings welcome but you’ll be happy whatever they decide……though the presence of the Sad Sack is totally non-negotiable. Why should DH be involved and have to adapt your Christmas because SSack may (predictably) choose to have a rubbish Christmas? Your kids are more than old enough to do their thing and not aim to spoil yours, and as it’s been suggested already, they can organise their own Yuletide shindig and get Sad Sack involved/take Christmas to him/arrange a completely different event/leave him to sleep etc.,

Who cares? Well, you it seems and far too much - as The Pushover! Bet you’re a very nice person, kind-hearted to a fault, and a people pleaser.
Well, this is one occasion where you only need to please the chap you’re with. Indulge him, not let everyone hold him responsible because you couldn’t immediately hold the line. Everyone will benefit and important lessons will be learned.

Make sure you and your non-Grinch have a super time….and please remember - your firm decision now will help everyone else to make sensible arrangements.

I’ve been divorced twelve years and I can’t imagine spending time with my ex at the holidays. It’s supposed to be enjoyable!!

Your AC sounds like Everyonehatesmaureen Spoilt!

Hi
My Partners son asked partner if We would go to his on Xmas day and how did he feel about his Mum going .. He said No.
I don’t feel it’s in to put Your partner in this position ..,Your son isn’t a little boy 🙁🙂

Why do you have to entertain your ex because he's on his own? How is that your problem? 'Ex' is the operative word here. If you didn't have children together, you would probably have never seen him again. Don't be bullied by your son and tell him that!!

Don't give in to emotional blackmail. It would cause nothing but trouble and leave you open to being blackmailed over and over again. What about other family events and next Christmas? You'd be expected to have him for those too. Believe me you'd be opening a proper can of worms and damage your relationship with your husband.

RosiesMaw

This son is 26 for heavens sake!
He does not need his mum to “make a fuss of him” either on Christmas Day or Boxing Day!

Trouble is I know that my son will just be sitting there while my ex is either asleep or watching tv which is the hard bit. And my ex will make NO effort to have a good day
Oh dear.
Those apron strings needed cutting a long time ago but I am sensing a doting mum and entitled man child.
So what if the ex watches TV all day ? If son doesn’t like it, he can go elsewhere or organise something himself.
Stop molly coddling him OP.

This with bells on! Son is an adult. Give your answer and drop the issue.

25Avalon

Having your ex round could lead to a totally embarrassing situation and be awkward all round, spoiling Christmas for everyone. Surely your ds and dd can see that! Can’t ex make his own arrangements without trying to guilt trip his son? coming to you is not an option.

What can’t a son spend time with his father on Christmas? Why should a father be on his own while a mother is surrounded by her husband and children? There is nothing wrong with a grown man not spending every single Christmas with mummy. If the situation were reversed, would anyone be accusing a mother of guilt tripping her son? Perhaps the son is being self-centered in trying to force his dad on the OP and her husband because he learned this selfish behavior. All involved can do with a bit more generosity of spirit and start thinking about others. Son should go to his dad’s. Op has her husband. No one should be made to feel guilty about spending time with family on Christmas.

My husband years ago, nagged me to invite his ex for Christmas because he wanted his daughter to come. He’d been divorced for over 25 years, in the end I agreed but never again. My Christmas was ruined, she wasn’t the sort to be my friend or that I could have a conversation with and I ended up doing all the work. I refused to do it again. My advise would be to say no your life is with your husband now you’re not responsible for your ex.

Having your ex round could lead to a totally embarrassing situation and be awkward all round, spoiling Christmas for everyone. Surely your ds and dd can see that! Can’t ex make his own arrangements without trying to guilt trip his son? coming to you is not an option.

This son is 26 for heavens sake!
He does not need his mum to “make a fuss of him” either on Christmas Day or Boxing Day!

Trouble is I know that my son will just be sitting there while my ex is either asleep or watching tv which is the hard bit. And my ex will make NO effort to have a good day
Oh dear.
Those apron strings needed cutting a long time ago but I am sensing a doting mum and entitled man child.
So what if the ex watches TV all day ? If son doesn’t like it, he can go elsewhere or organise something himself.
Stop molly coddling him OP.

One of the things that has occurred to me is by saying that you don't mind but your husband does, you have rather put your husband in the firing line of your children. In future when these things come up, maybe it would be better to say you'll discuss it and get back to them. Then if it is a "no" then you can say, "We've agreed that." You have inadvertently allowed your children to triangulate you.

I think everyone, including most on this forum, are being very dramatic. It’s not “emotional blackmail” for a son to refuse to let his father be on his own. It’s actually the right thing for him to do. Why are your feelings more important than his for his dad? It will not break your heart if your son doesn’t spend the holiday with you. Will you react the same way if he wants to stay home with his nuclear family for Christmas if he gets married and has his own children?

Stand by your husband. Your son won’t die if he doesn’t get what he wants. When he has a spouse of his own he will understand why you can’t go against your husband. Life will go on for all involved. First world problems indeed

I understand both sides, what a tricky situation.

Can you offer your son a compromise? Have brunch with Dad and come to yours after or stay at yours and then take Dad out for dinner?
Your son is old enough to understand that while you may not harbor any bad feelings towards each other, you are ex spouses and while you get on ok you don't want to spend time with each other.
BTW, what does your ex say about the suggestion? Maybe he wouldn't want to come to your place either and maybe he could talk to your son.

I agree with Dragonfly - I bet the ex doesn’t even want to come. It’s strange that the Adult (?) Son is creating this drama.

Your husband comes first. Your kids have the option of coming at various times to have some Christmas cheer.

If your son shows up without his dad, he may be mopey and try to lay some guilt on you. Forget THAT!

Im sensing a back story too- maybe a dad who likes a few drinks too many over christmas & thats why your current hubby doesnt want him round.(also could explain why the string of women?) I may be wrong- but theres a story somewhere.

I would suggest that your son and possibly also your daughter are close to using family blackmail and think that they have the right to dictate how your christmas will be , good or bad. Well they need to grow up mentally as well as physically. Dont dream of letting them blackmail you like this because you can bet your bottom dollar that they will continue with this disgraceful behaviour in years to come. if you let them dominate your christmas this year, They have no right to try and spoil your day like this and it is absolutely totally the opposite attitude to the way anyone should be celebrating Christmas. So personally I think you should be happy to be with a lovely husband and to share your day together and they can go and do as they want. You can calmly say you hope to see your children sometime over christmas and suggest they give you a ring sometime. Give as little response as possible, neither upset nor angry, just statement of fact and then do your best to stick to it and enjoy your own christmas and hope that your son may make a new years resolution not to try and force others to do what he wants rather than what they wish to do!! In fact I would also look and see if there is somewhere after christmas before new year, where you and your husband might like to go, whether it is to make up a lovely picnic and go and visit somewhere that was special to you both, or go to somewhere you have never been before, and make your own new memories. So you will have a lovely day, will not be around or available (and on no account answer the phone to either of them!) and oh that may quite surprise them to find you are not sitting there feeling miserable in any way so they can put that in their pipes and smoke it (oh thats something else they cant don!! Hope you have a very happy christmas with your husband and start the new year as you mean to go on, NOT being dictated to by your children. Good Luck

Why not suggest your son also has a lie-in till 11 and then hav lunch with his dad if he falls asleep etc he could leave him a note saying he got off & left his dad to rest or wake him & say "im off now dad, ill see you (whatever day) you get some rest" and then son can come to yours & have a nice time with you all.