Unable to fall asleep and I’m so so tired

If sleep pillow sprays worked for me I would stockpile them.

I am a chronic insomniac and need something much stronger than a spray or music to put me out.
Hence the reason I’m on prescribed medication.

When my husband died it got worse, so I consulted a hypnotherapist. I can’t remember if it worked as was such a long time ago. But it might be useful for others on here to give it a try.

i read, if that doesn't work,i go through a body relaxation.if that doesn't work, i try and stay awake, what they call paradoxical intervention, if that doesn't work ,melatonin.I found if you fight the insomnia thing you can make it worse, I accept that i can have periods of poor sleeping patterns.......

I put my phone next to the pillow with BBC Sounds app playing a history podcast - You're Dead to Me or The Rest is History, I find the voices of the male presenters very soporific, and I'm picking up a few interesting facts along the way! I set the Zzzz timer for 30 minutes, and I've always drifted off before it cuts out.

Juliet27

Does magnesium help anyone…or melatonin?

I have taken melatonin for many years and it works wonderfully for me. I started taking it for insomnia during the menopause and have continued taking it every night since then. The only issue is that over time I have needed to increase the dose (because our natural melatonin levels deteriorate with age) and the only country I've found selling effective dosages is the US. So I get it from a US business called iHerb. I live in France now and here it's possible to buy melatonin 1mg, which is a starter level dose, but I'm not sure about the UK. It might be necessary to buy it overseas - but definitely worth it IMO.

Serendipity22

Could Night Nurse help at all? 💐

Isn't Night Nurse now considered to contain a dangerous component? I can't buy it here in France and, might be wrong, but I think it has been banned by the EU.

I concur that listening to a "gentle" audiobook does the job for me. I listen on Apple books audio, as you don't have to take out a big subscription with Apple, just pay for what you want. In fact I now have several "gentle" audiobooks on my phone, which I rotate. And actually the ones I've heard several times send me off to sleep the quickest! I use the cheapest possible earbuds, just in one ear, not to disturb my husband. Having been a lifelong non-sleeper, I now sleep better than I ever have. I can recommend this.

having had cancer treatment and then lost my husband my sleep pattern, which was never very good is worse.So firstly I have a pad and pen by the bed, so that if I suddenly remember something I should have done, or have a worrying thought I write it dow , and that lets me know that I wont forget it, but can put it aside until the next morning. Then have always been a very keen reader but if I am very worried about something it keeps resurfacing under the reading. so I count back in 3's from 1000. You have to concentrate and it is not as easy as 2 or 4 . The idea is to count back to 0 and if you forget you have to go back to 1000. It takes enough concentration to block the thoughts you dont want. now I have just started playing chess and also I am learning makaton sign language. Both of those can allow you to revise the lastest things you have learnt and do not need light but you have enough to think of to stop the mind wandering back to the worries .If I feel very wide awake I sort of give in, put the light on and read. I do find the counting in 3's helpful in anxious moments and no one knows you are doing it if you say it silently to yourself!!

I also have chronic insomnia. It arrived with all symptoms of Fibromyalgia and is very disheartening. You go to bed and try not to get more wound up as the Fibro muscle pain now joined by osteo arthritis pain takes over.

What helps: Magnesium definitely. also Melatonin which I can request from my GP on the NHS. It works best for falling asleep staying asleep is another thing so I take some mild Calm tablets made from herbs.

If the insomnia is determined to win then as others say best to read or listen to a book or music. Never fight it. best to stay relaxed.

💐
Magnesium(375mg x1 or 2) helps me get to sleep and also go back to sleep if I wake in the night.

Yoga Nidra - This is not a yoga but mind, relaxing yoga. You can download it from the Internet. It takes a little bit of practice but you will go off to sleep once you’ve mastered it and not wake up until the following morning. It’s fantastic and drug-free

I wish i could stay awake. Fall asleep during a meal and never see a whole TV programme.

I've discovered Just Bee Sleep Time honey and find it helps me. It's a mixture of honey with valerian and lavender. It's available by mail order. In view of the valerian it would be best to check with pharmacist that it’s ok to take if you are on other medication.

My sincerest condolonces on your loss.

I am assuming your DH died recently. Mine did too, and like yours, my sleep pattern was shot to pieces, as it indeed had been during his last illness.

Here is what I found helpful.

For the first three-four weeks I went to bed at nine p.m. which for a night-owl like me is the middle of the afternoon normally! But it was when I felt completely exhausted. I slept for three or four hours then woke.

If I couldn't fall asleep again, I got up, popped on some warm clothes (this was in November of this year) went downstairs and did something practical. For the first days, tidying up so the house was presentable for the funeral. Afterwards I sorted through paper for Probate, as I assumed that the thought of this was contributing to my sleeplessness.

When I began to feel tired again, I went back to bed and stayed there, whether I could sleep or not, being convinced that just lying there resting did nearly as much good as sleeping.

This may not work for you, but if you haven't tried it, it might do some good.

Another point, and I hope you don't find it too intrusive or hurtful: are you still sleeping in the bed you and your husband shared?

I am, having considered soberly whether I wanted to or not, and decided that I simply am not ready, and probably never will be to dispose of "our" bed. I have tried to accustom myself to lying in the middle of it, but that hasn't worked. I waken up on "my" side of it all the same.

To me, DH, isn't as far away if I still sleep in our bed, but you may be the opposite and if so - go out and buy yourself a new bed and consider whether you want to use another room as your bedroom as well.

I cut off my long hair that DH had always loved on the evening of the day we buried him, and am now, for the first time since I was seven, I am 72 now, short-haired. It was a deliberate symbolic act to demonstrate to myself that a new chapter of my life had begun and that I have to move forward.

Perhaps you need to consider finding a similar forward-looking symbolic act? But only if you feel it would be liberating.

My husband died on November 1 and was buried on the 8th. It has been a long hard month, as you will know, only too well.

I am still tired by early evening, although my bed-time is moving slightly later, and I am sleeping a bit better, especially after sending Probate all the documents required.

I hope some of my suggestions help. If you need to "talk" send me a private message any time you like. I have found other widows both on Gransnet and amongst friends in the world rather than in cyberspace extremelly helpful, as they know exactly what we are going through, so I hope I can help others, as I am being helped.

I am in your club, too.

I tried 'Sleepio', an on-line course of sessions in which one is taught various facts regarding sleep and encouraged to do this and that. The hardest bit for me was, if unable to sleep for half an hour or so, to get up out of bed, go downstairs and undertake an activity, only returning to bed when actively tired. I just couldn't do this on cold wintery nights, so failed to complete the course. Sleepio may be helpful for others.

The Sleepio course emphasises the fact that bedrooms are for sleep only (perhaps the writer is not married?!) so one is not supposed to do anything other than sleep there.

Overall Sleepio is helpful and may be beneficial for others.

My natural bedtime is growing later and later and is now around 3.00 am. I know, I know and yes, it is late (or early!) but I am now able to go to sleep whereas previously I just tossed and turned for many hours.

I have also begun warming the bedroom more than I used to do and this I also find helpful (Mr C isn't impressed).

I have resorted to Piriton (an antihistamine containing chlorphenamine) which if only taken occasionally, can help one to drift off. If it is taken daily the effect wears off.

I am reluctant to take prescription sleeping pills but understand that this is necessary for some. Melatonin and magnesium should be cleared by your GP if you take other medications.

Don't take a compilation of sleep-enhancing items as there could be an accumulative effect on breathing.

I am sure that we all know that the bedroom should not feel too hot or cold; that we do not use our mobiles/PCs for at least half an hour before bed; that we have a milky drink and a warm bath prior to retiring but despite all of this, many of us still can't sleep!

Thank to everyone for suggestions shere, I will try them and see if I can be ready for sleep a little earlier.

I wish everyone a good night's sleep - the best feeling in the world - almost...

After a major bereavement and a spell of I’ll health which has led to me taking a lot of meds, I’m unable to sleep for a whole night. Either I’m awake downstairs until 3-4 am, or I feel sleepy earlier and fall asleep before 2 am, but am wide awake about 4 am, and go downstairs, where the cat is always happy to see me!

I’ve always been a ‘night owl’, but this has put me on a completely different timetable from DH. He’s a very light sleeper and gets up early, so I don’t like to disturb him by having the light on to read, listening to audiobooks etc.

I’ve read that we can be woken in the night by a surge of cortisol, a stress hormone, so stressing about not sleeping is probably counter-productive.

Apologies, I should have added that I absolutely agree with many contributors here that the worst thing one can do is worry about not sleeping. Just accept the fact that you are a poor sleeper and try not to fight but work with it.

PamQS you are correct: cortisol is produced at about 4.30 a.m.

To all who have been bereaved, I send condolences, sleeping for you may be a different matter altogether and perhaps a bereavement counsellor would have some information and help/advice for you?

Try listening to ‘Nothing much happens’ which you can find via Google. I find Katheryn’s stories very soothing and she’s very knowledgeable about relaxation and sleep.

If I go up to bed to sleep at a reasonable hour, I just can’t sleep. So, I watch TV, and always fall asleep, waking up about 02.00 am. I then go up to bed and can sleep. My first sleep in front of the TV is surprisingly good and feel better for it. For the sleep in bed I will sometimes listen to Calm or just use eye mask and get comfortable. The sleep before midnight is meant to be more beneficial than anything after wards. And contrary to popular belief, it’s a myth that we need 7-8 hours a night.

Oh you poor thing, so sorry for your loss, on a practical note, i take an over counter antihistamine an hour before bed and it works better than anything else I've tried. Best wishes x

travelsafar listening to a podcast or audiobook with a soothing voice can put a person right to sleep. It’s like having your mommy read to you when you were a child.

NanKate I do segmented sleep. Never have trouble falling asleep but I then wake up about 3-4 hrs later and am wide awake. I don’t fight it - I get up, go sit in a dimly lit living room, bring my Kindlebook (on dark mode), sometimes I will have a hot drink. Within 1.5-2 hrs I’m drowsy and stumble back to bed for another 3-4 hrs.

Whether I sleep 6-8 hrs total… doesn’t always happen, but I do know my cat relies on her midnight treat!
USA Gundy

I read an article that people used to have two sleeps in the Middle Ages,awakening at two ish for Matins presumably if you were religious and then have a second sleep. Perhaps we are still programmed this way. So people getting up for a warm drink and a book are tuning in to their ancestors.

I think it was Giles Coren where I read that.

Radio4 extra. Very comforting.

I often toss and turn and find it difficult to fall asleep. Sleepio didn't work for me. I love the idea of a star projector but am terribly shortsighted and when I tried a similar projector (can't remember what it was called but it shone a huge circle on the ceiling which increased and decreased in size) but to me it was just a blur! Best thing to do is to get up and do something but my house is too cold in the middle of the night! Luckily if I have a sleepless night I often sleep well the following night. Getting out in the fresh air during the day also helps me sleep.