Down in the dumps

If the weather is awful and I don't wznt to venture out I try to fill the bird feeders and watch the activity from the conservatory. Squirrels usually join in feeding off the food knocked off by the birds. Kind of reminds me there is a lot of life out there and the animals are so grateful.

wow! RosieMaw, and most everyone here, I too, read more than post, but this thread. so me!
Iget out, I have friends, family, very busy, but occasionally contact with them.

my moods go up and down, and yes, I think I can relate to most every thing said here.. my difference seems to be that my friends can`t cope withme when I am a bit down, I try not to show it, cos they just don`t want to know.. whether that is good for me or not, I don`t know.. but guess it makes me force myself up!

but it soo, soooo verymuch helps to hear that I am not alone.
so thank you

These are my coping strategies:

I have a CAT who needs feeding and who won't let me stay in bed until he's fed!

I don't watch the News any more. I am very old (93) and can't do much about anything that would benefit the World.

I belong to a lovely web group that is supportive and great fun, as well as this one.

I repeat several mantras : eg "I am very healthy. "

If I don't feel like a shower , I don't. I have a strip wash and this really wakes me up!

A friend sets my hair for me after I've washed it and I comb it out as I want.

I put on some lipstick. No one else will see it but I love the flash of red!

I subscribe to READLY and have hundreds of magazines at my fingertips.

I watch fashion influencers on Tube though I never get things right for me.

I download books on Kindle because I have eye problems and can't read small print any more.

I watch rubbish on Netflix and Prime.

I experiment with my lovely Vortex Mini Airfryer and make up recipes.

I keep in touch with friends and family via my desktop and my iPad.

I have two pen friends.

I take flattering and unflattering photos of myself and have a good laugh.

I say prayers every night.

If I wake up around 3 a.m and negative thoughts creep in, I get up and make a cuppa. I even had some mulled wine one morning!!

I take Vitamins and can "feel" the difference if I don't. One has to "believe' they will work!!

I understand that I can't be full of the joys of Life every day but Have a darned good try!!.

I was overcome with a wave of sadness yesterday. It was looking at the Christmas tree that did it. I love our very varied decorations. We try to get one in all places we've been over the years plus those made or given by the children, friends and work colleagues. I always have special place for a robin my Granny gave us. Suddenly it reminded me that everything is past now, so many family members, friends and pets gone. I always used to love seeing the tree and all it meant. Suddenly it became a real sadness. I felt melancholy. Only work for it. A new thing for me.

Only word for it.

I have a very good idea of how you feel RosiesMaw and GSM too. I wake up every morning feeling a huge weight on me and have done ever since losing my DH 18 mths ago. Generally some tears but force myself out of bed and start the day. I know I should try to join something or get out and meet people but I've never been a 'joiner in' and don't enjoy large gatherings although coffee or the like with one or two people is OK. I don't have any close friends anymore only a couple of acquaintances. I'm very lucky to have DS and DIL close by but don't want to be a clinging oldie and try hard not to bother them with problems, they're both very busy with work and their own lives. I do have days when I don't speak to anybody at all but try to fill them with jobs I don't like doing like window cleaning. Presently trying to sort out DH's clothes etc for charity shops but no sooner do I bag a few things up then I hang them back up, makes me feel very guilty to be disposing of his possessions. I find that thinking of the ways that I'm very lucky helps me to gain a bit of balance, always having a book downloaded on my kindle to lose myself in or even wallowing and having a good cry for half an hour. Reading posts like this on GN also helps a lot to know that I'm not alone and others are having exactly the same feelings.

Eirlys

These are my coping strategies:

I have a CAT who needs feeding and who won't let me stay in bed until he's fed!

I don't watch the News any more. I am very old (93) and can't do much about anything that would benefit the World.

I belong to a lovely web group that is supportive and great fun, as well as this one.

I repeat several mantras : eg "I am very healthy. "

If I don't feel like a shower , I don't. I have a strip wash and this really wakes me up!

A friend sets my hair for me after I've washed it and I comb it out as I want.

I put on some lipstick. No one else will see it but I love the flash of red!

I subscribe to READLY and have hundreds of magazines at my fingertips.

I watch fashion influencers on Tube though I never get things right for me.

I download books on Kindle because I have eye problems and can't read small print any more.

I watch rubbish on Netflix and Prime.

I experiment with my lovely Vortex Mini Airfryer and make up recipes.

I keep in touch with friends and family via my desktop and my iPad.

I have two pen friends.

I take flattering and unflattering photos of myself and have a good laugh.

I say prayers every night.

If I wake up around 3 a.m and negative thoughts creep in, I get up and make a cuppa. I even had some mulled wine one morning!!

I take Vitamins and can "feel" the difference if I don't. One has to "believe' they will work!!

I understand that I can't be full of the joys of Life every day but Have a darned good try!!.

This is just lovely Eirlys, simple things can be so heartening.

What OldFrill said

Admirable Eirlys and guidance for us all.

I think the last few years and subsequent fallout has taken it's toll on lots (most?) people. I know so many people who have had a very bad year, ourselves included. Maybe we should allow ourselves to be sad? If something is sad, it is okay to be sad.

Lots of love to every single person on this thread who is struggling for whatever reason. Please remember most people are kind.

have had bouts of depression over many years and it is very difficult to cope with I know. I had cancer but found that easier to cope with than the depression, which people did not believe, but as you know the depression can descend for a reason or no reason at all and it is a constant battle to just even get up. I live alone and so you dont even have anyone to encourage you to get going. One of the things I have done which has worked well for me is to have a years subscription at the swimming pool. I try to go 2 or 3 times a week. They have a disabled session once a week which can be helpful to try and get my back or knees moving better and it is less painful working in water. Then often I go there when they first open as I can be awake by 4.30am and in quite a bit of pain so it takes me some time to get up and get ready etc . On horrible mornings dark and raining the temptation is to just stay in bed, but that is where yorkshire attitude comes in!! When I know I will be better for a swim but really dont want to make the effort and cope with the pain I then think well you have paid for this and it gives me the extra nudge to get going. If I go twice a week I have paid about a third less than the usual price and if I go three times I am doing well! So the other thing is that going early means that I leave the pool about 9ish, and usually feel physically a bit better for the swim . Whilst you are swimming you see other people and can just say good morning etc but no one expects you to have a conversation so it is a way of being on your own in company, if you see what I mean. Then it take sme a while to get myself dressed etc., but I do leave feeling I have done something worthwhile and sometimes go and have a coffee or I will get any shopping I need on the way back. so if I do nothing else it lets me feel I have done something good in the day. You have your dogs so obviously it means you get out with them and soon the daylight will begin to improve and you will be able to meet your other dogwalking friends which should be helpful too. You are doing well to acknowledge how you feel as I think there is a time when we actually close in and dont see anyone and dont feel able to go out at all , so I think you have done very well to recognise how you are at the moment. As others have said we are all here to read each others emails and give what little help we can and again the joy of this is that if you are awake at 2am you can come on here and write about whatever you want and we will respond. I hope that things improve for you soon. Oh just thought another thing I do is have a little notebook by my chair and if I have anything good happen such as seen a squirrel or actually quite enjoyed getting the washing in put it down , so on days when there seems absolutely nothing good you can think of you can look in the book. It doesnt mean you may feel any better that day, but it does tell you that there are days when something seems worthwhile. Best wishes

I am certain this has a lot to do with your being on your own, apart from the dog. I know it is longer ago that your husband died than mine did, but you and I know that the length of time is immaterial in this matter.

I don't always feel that talking to my cats is enough, and I don't suppose talking to the dog is either. Nor is going for walks, although I did put on a heavy jacket and a pair of gumboots and go for a walk with both cats today. I finished up laughing, as Tigger decided he was a big dangerous Bengali tiger and his sister and I went along with it, even though we all three know he is a cat, and his sister is the dangerous one if we really get down to brass tacks.

But they didn't suceed in getting me out for a walk yesterday, as due to the buses only running every other hour, I had already walked 7 kms home after Mass in preference to standing around a bus station for over an hour in a freezing wind.

I usually do housework when I feel really low - a habit I got into in my early twenties when the inevitable happened, as it does at that age, and I fell hard for a man who never realised I existed. Scrubbing floors, tidying drawers or doing the ironing may not be your favourite passtime but there is a certain satisfaction in looking at the result.

Very well done Madeline. Thank you everyone for helpful and encouraging posts.

How are you today RosiesMaw?

I am feeling down in the dumps.
My husband |Frank died on the 18th December.
I loved him so much,

Christmas has been horrible for me
How am I going to cope without him and the funeral to get through too.
Have others got through this horrible period.

to you Dorian, I'm so sorry for your loss of your DH Frank. It's no wonder you are down in the dumps, I hope you have friends and family to lean on during this difficult time. I'll be thinking of you.

Oh Dorien. I'm so sorry. I hope you have family and friends to support you through this dark time.

So very sorry Dorien,thinking of you at this awful time

That’s so very sad Dorian

For Dorien, sincere sympathy for your great loss. Extra twist to be bereaved this time of year. Let us know how things go with funeral and following months.

to you Dorian and all you brave ladies. DH has said twice in the last weeks and again today perfectly seriously that this may well be our last Christmas together as his arteries are clogging up painfully.( he is a doctor and is very practical and pragmatic) To be honest I believe him but I’m willing the opposite

🌺🪻💐 for you Dorian, your husband’s death only a week ago and with Christmas in its aftermath, what a tough time to be living with such loss and all that surrounds it. Sincere condolences x

Thinking of you, Dorian. Sincere condolences.

I have the following strategy.

When horrible depressing thoughts come to me they are not about matters I can do anything about. otherwise I'd sort things out.

Did you know you can control your thoughts?

There is a method for stopping these horrible thoughts:

You deliberately think something else. Me, I tell stories in my head, silently, but as if I was telling somebody else . It's normally a novel I like and remember sufficiently.
if however your sadness is caused by pain ,thirst, hunger, low blood sugar, or some other physical cause see the doctor.

I too was a German shepherds mum, well three over the years not counting the one we had when I was a child, I love them but felt that when my last one died that I couldn’t watch another dog die, I live with my daughter and family and I knew that they didn’t care so much for dogs so bought a cat who I hope will see me out. I also suffer from depression / anxiety but citalopram helps, I once read a saying “ only fools are happy all the time”. So I feel being a genius is a great help !!!
but I must say when my DH died 25 years ago my GSD was my prop and stay.

I can't begin to know how you feel, I'm very sorry.