I hate funerals me

Romola

I always go to funerals of people I have known, if I can. I know from my own experience how comforting it is for the family, that people who knew the deceased have taken the trouble to come and support them.

That is how I feel.
For me, attendance shows respect for the deceased and the family they have left behind.

I have officiated or been invited to speak at a number of funerals and have sadly attended many more. Each one has had a different ‘flavour’ as people choose how they want to say goodbye. I would never belittle another’s choice, although one or two have been outside my comfort zone.

If anything helps to bring comfort to the bereaved then I’m all for it.

Marydoll

Romola

I always go to funerals of people I have known, if I can. I know from my own experience how comforting it is for the family, that people who knew the deceased have taken the trouble to come and support them.

That is how I feel.
For me, attendance shows respect for the deceased and the family they have left behind.

I agree... and since they are practised in some form worldwide they obviously fulfill an important function for most people

By the way, since when has a funeral been just a garment?'

I have been to very few funerals. As an 11 year old we were told we would be going to sing at the funeral of a classmate who had died in quite a dreadful way, and that we were not allowed to cry. .
Well I am an emotional soul and did cry, and was told off unnecessarily harshly by teachers. This had the effect of me avoiding funerals until much more recently.

I have been to only a few funerals. Planning my Mum’s and worrying that I hadn’t chosen the right hymns right made ensure that I would plan my own very simple funeral, as I have.

I don't see horse-drawn hearses as vulgar. We had a homeless guy living in a church doorway in our town - a real character and a generous man, homeless by choice. He was very popular. When he died, to everyone's surprise a carriage containing his coffin drawn by two plumed black horses paraded through town. His family wanted the residents to have an opportunity to 'say goodbye' to him. It was beautiful, not at all vulgar.

silverlining48

I have been to very few funerals. As an 11 year old we were told we would be going to sing at the funeral of a classmate who had died in quite a dreadful way, and that we were not allowed to cry. .
Well I am an emotional soul and did cry, and was told off unnecessarily harshly by teachers. This had the effect of me avoiding funerals until much more recently.

That was awful for you.

At today's funeral, the vicar said people should not be so "British", and cry if they want to.
The person that died was reasonably young, but not as young as 11.

Well, biglouis what an insensitive, cruel remark to make, suggesting funerals are a vulgar show. They are an opportunity for family and friends to gather together to pay their respects to a loved one, and, together, celebrate that loved ones life. I’m going to a close family members funeral very soon, and I certainly do not consider it to be a vulgar show, unlike your comment. How unpleasant of you.

My DGMiL lost her DM in 1914 when she was about 16.

Women and children did not attend funerals in those days. So nana and her 2 sisters watched from the window as the horse drawn hearse went past
"Say goodbye to your mama" she was told to say by a well meaning aunt.

I was quite surprised when we went to our first French funeral. We wore dark smart clothing to be respectful. However this didn't appear to be a tradition here, every day clothes were worn including overalls for some of the men. Interesting cultural differences.

biglouis

For some a funeral is a last opportunity to say goodbye.

For me, a funeral is just a vulgar show for the world. Grieving is done in the heart, not in the garments.

What a very strange comment biglouis.

A funeral is a way to pay last respects, to remember a loved one, a friend.

When I mentioned to a local vicar that he'd been really busy, officiating at so very many funerals lately, he said he looked on it as a privilege to see someone on their way to the next life.

Even if someone is a non-believer, Ido understand what he means.

Condolences, Biscuitmuncher.

I told my OH that I would prefer not to have a funeral. He said "you won't be in a position to have a say in the matter"

He is quite a few years older than me so I might just pass this message on to the next generation.

I've been to quite a lot of funerals in recent years and have never felt that they are a 'vulgar show'. That's such a strange remark.

Funeral plans are for the living so they can be happy thinking they can control their bodies after death.

Funerals are for the living and those who mourn who should be able to have the funeral that most aids their mourning.

I have told my children what I would like to think will happen to me after I die, but I have made it clear to them that they should do whatever will best suits them, regardless of my wishes.

Funeral plans also save loved ones unnecessary anguish and expense MOnica.

Germanshepherdsmum

Funeral plans also save loved ones unnecessary anguish and expense MOnica.

I agree, GSM.
We have funeral plans in palce , prompted by the funerals of my mother and father.
When my father died, my mother withdrew from the world, and left me seven months pregnant, unwell with two toddlers trying to deal with lack of funds to pay for it.
It turned out the family grave was full, she didn't want to know about that either.
To the day she died, she never asked how my husband and I managed to pay for everything.

I would never inflict that on my children.
It's not about control, but about making it easy for those left behind.

It is. I wouldn’t want my son to worry about what I might have wanted.

I'm afraid I'm a weepy person (and by that I don't mean a miserable one!).. I weep with joy, I weep with grief, I weep laughing and when I feel blessed.
I can weep in the theatre, the cinema, in nature, art galleries...
I have no problem with funerals.
I know I may well weep so just take lots of tissues.

I obviously wear my heart on my sleeve. I just accept it.

I like the chance to say goodbye in a semi-formal way to people I have felt close to at some point in my life and to those I have loved. I like that I can do this in sincerity but without it being "about me".

I suppose it's different if you are still bound closely to the lives of the family of the person who died as you will probably still see them on a one to one basis, may be directly involved in supporting them around this period, and will have other opportunities to talk more with them about the deceased.
If the relationship was a step away from this, it is cathartic to go and gently close that page.

When my parents died it was so lovely to be told by those who were a "step removed" of some of the nice things they remembered and how much my parents had meant to them.
I doubt those more distant friends would have felt it appropriate to visit me, 200 miles away, to say this in person- but it was very comforting.

biglouis

For some a funeral is a last opportunity to say goodbye.

For me, a funeral is just a vulgar show for the world. Grieving is done in the heart, not in the garments.

Funerals have been an integral part of human society since man first walked the earth. People gathered to honour their dead in prehistoric times and they continue to do so across all cultures and continents. The ceremony or ritual feeds various needs for the living and is an essential part of the grieving process.

Informed opinion suggests that those closest to the deceased gain some comfort from the demonstrable show of support and respect offered at a funeral.

I know that I was somewhat heartened to see so many friends and colleagues of my late husband at his funeral and to hear their warm recollections of him.

Well said, flappergirl and I think whatever helps us to process our grief is the right thing to do.

Nothing that people choose to do in their various ways, to express love and sorrow at the loss of a dear one, or support for the bereaved, should be judged vulgar. Horses, carriages, names spelt out in flowers, quiet reflection, all are a tribute to someone who mattered.

A funeral is not a vulgar show to the world. It is a celebration of a loved one's life and a chance to say a final goodbye. My late husband died suddenly in his early fifties. Although I was reeling in shock it was a tremendous support to me that hundreds attended his military funeral. He was army to the core and it was a fitting send off. When my cousin died suddenly in 2022 the same church was again packed and it was incredibly moving when they played her favourite pop song - that was who she was - a truly beautiful, bubbly lady. If someone wants plumed horses, bagpipes, pop music, etc then that is their choice.

I dread my family funerals as old ''scores'' always come to the surface.My relatives have form for falling out with each other and nothing brings it all out more than a funeral.
I will say no more as I could get recognised.

I used to foster babies from 7 days old until they were adopted. Many people would tell me that they could not do thit as they were too soft hearted. Did they think I did not shed a tear over every baby who left us ?