I'm inclined to agree with you Callistemon21, but the cost of funerals now is astronomical. I'm sure many families struggle to pay the cost. I believe many funeral companies offer this now.
Should the NHS charge for such things?
Sign up to Gransnet Daily
Our free daily newsletter full of hot threads, competitions and discounts
Subscribe
My sister's husband died last week. They live a long way away, and due to ill health etc I have not seen them for 20 years. We keep in touch by phone, email, birthday cards etc. We will not be going to the funeral due to distance, and my husband's ill health. We will be watching the funeral via a video link, as will some other family members.
My sister does not want flowers, instead a donation to charity. I'm not sure how much I should send as it is years since we had a funeral so I am a bit out of touch. What do others think?
I'm inclined to agree with you Callistemon21, but the cost of funerals now is astronomical. I'm sure many families struggle to pay the cost. I believe many funeral companies offer this now.
Firms like Pure Cremation offer this service, paid in advance.
Bereaved families could arrange for a memorial service or celebration of life afterwards if they wish but it does not feel like a farewell, imo.
I’ve not heard of that, thank you ‘Littleannie’.
Thank you all, your suggestions have helped a lot.
Santa- direct cremations are where the coffin is taken direct to the crematorium for cremation by the funeral directors. There is no service, so there is nobody present at the crematorium, apart possibly the next of kin. There is no wake afterwards. This is obviously much cheaper than the traditional funeral, and is now being chosen by more people due to the high cost of a funeral.
Predictive text: I meant direct type cremation above.
Funeral flowers are £50-£60 nowadays
Our donation to a charity did not collect the gift aid.
I was very disappointed as gave the undertaker all the info he needed to pass on.
biglouis
Your donation with be private so give what you can afford - or not.
This is why many people now go for direct type cremations. No fuss and flummery.
Is it okay to ask a something unrelated to the OP’s question? If so, could you say more about direct type creationism please biglouis? I haven’t heard of this.
I sent flowers from a shop local to a funeral 200 miles away last year which were £50 for a small circular wreath. They started at £30 for a small hand tied bunch, but the extra £20 made a big difference to what they included. I asked for a photo when made up but they forgot, but a friend sent a pic and it was really beautiful and wasn’t small. They didn’t charge delivery as it was only a short walk to the church.
I never like flowers for funerals as they are left to rot and a waste of money. At my parents and mother in law's funeral they wanted flowers . But only family.
At my husband's funeral it was no flowers but donations if people wanted to give and people gave or sent money to me we gave the cancer ward who treated him over £5,000 which nearly 20 years ago was a lot of money .
If it's family or close friends I ask what charity they want the money to go to and send £20.
My sister was at a funeral last week and they provided A QR code so that people could donate with their phones as they left.
When DH died the charity received £3,000 + in donations.
When I donate at a funeral it depends on how well I knew the person and whether I am happy to give to that charity. Relatives I donate hundreds, acquaintances a lot less.
This is not an answer to the question. But a few years ago my aunt in Canada died and she had asked for people to donate to a charity that plants new forests. I sent £50 and had a lovely hand written note from the charity plus a packet of forget me not seeds as a gift, I thought that was lovely.
My cousin told me they had planted 15 new trees in her name with money raised.
I think you send what you can afford but I go with the approximate amount of the flowers that would have been sent.
Give what you can afford, maybe the equivalent that you might have spent on flowers
We raised 2,500 for a local charity at my husband’s funeral. We were pleased and that’s what he’d wanted
The equivalent that you would have spent on flowers
Give what you can afford and no more. People understand times are hard and you don’t want to seem embarrassed or worried about this at such a hard time.
We have my partners funeral early November and requested donations to the community support group I chair and for which my partner was the sectary. It was done through Much Loved plus a collection box at the funeral itself. The Much Loved organisation pays out after 4 weeks, to make sure all the donations are in, I received a list of the donors and the amount donated plus their email in advance of payment and have written to every one of them to thank them individually. This is the norm for that particular giving platform. My neighbour died in December and they too donated to our Community Group, I have already received the list of donors so I can thank them but the money is as yet not paid out. How much to donate is a personal choice, but we did not have any donations below £20. As already mentioned funeral flowers even a spray are in excess of £ 50, but even sending flowers by Interflora or the like is now in excess of £ 35 and often more. Personally I would donate as much as you can possibly afford, it is your sister you are supporting, so turn it around and think how much you would have liked her to donate if it had been your husband's funeral. You have a good relationship now, although you do not see each other, keep it like that, as she will need you more than ever now.
Give according to what you can afford
Freya5
I do hope the charity selected is forth coming in their thanks. Or that they even receive the money.
Many years ago we asked for donations for the scoliosis society, 150 pounds raised. No acknowledgement from them whatsoever. Never again. Flowers only, and if donations requested, then sorry no.
The only acknowledgement from our local hospice was to ask if there was more to come! The donation was quite significant but presumably not enough!
When a very old friend's son died very unexpectedly at the age of 50 I donated £50 to his favourite cause. I thought that was about right, but it definitely should be what you can afford.
When my mother died we asked for donations to the National Forest and were able to go and plant the trees the following spring.
DH has been to about 15 funerals in the last two years, some family, others friends.
A charitable donation is welcome, whatever you can afford.
I went to a funeral 2 years ago ( England) and donated …£50 to a children’s heart charity . A wreath of funeral flowers wouldve cost as much . I thought it appropriate.
Give what you can afford. It's the thought that counts. We had a box and collected for the ward mum died in. It provided little extras for the patients like Christmas gifts. Had a lovely "thank you " from the hospital. But I had no idea how much anyone gave just the total.
At both parents funerals we did donations if desired both directly online and in church and all donations were split between cancer research and our local hospice and in all cases the charities wrote and thanked us.
I’m in full agreement that the OP gives what they can easily afford and no more 
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join the discussion, watch threads and lots more.
Register now »Already registered? Log in with:
Gransnet »Get our top conversations, latest advice, fantastic competitions, and more, straight to your inbox. Sign up to our daily newsletter here.