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Am I being selfish?

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Gangan2 Tue 16-Jan-24 12:08:14

I have recently broached the subject of my funeral with my daughter ( not that I am planning on 'going' anyway just yet') and I said that I wanted a 'pure cremation' I think its called. One where I am just taken and the job done, nobody present, no flowers etc . My daughter and I are very close and I really, honestly don't want her to stand in a grim crematorium watching what for me at my mother's funeral was the worst day of my life . The atrocious cost of a full funeral is also a factor to me . I said to her that she could remember me in a much more positive way by maybe going for a walk, with her husband, somewhere we both love or something similar. Any monies available to go to a couple of charities we both support.
Well, she was absolutely devastated by the idea and was very cross with me. Am I being selfish 🤔 I honestly want to save her some of the pain of loosing a parent .

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Grannynannywanny Sat 20-Jan-24 08:45:30

Donating a body to medical science was mentioned upthread. It’s worth noting that the final decision to accept a body is made at the time of death. So, a plan B is a necessity.

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Gangan2 Sat 20-Jan-24 23:06:42

Bazza

My friend’s aunt was asked when she was very old and ill if she wanted a burial or cremation, and she said “surprise me!”

What a wonderful attitude 😅

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Gangan2 Sat 20-Jan-24 23:08:26

Grannynannywanny

Donating a body to medical science was mentioned upthread. It’s worth noting that the final decision to accept a body is made at the time of death. So, a plan B is a necessity.

I had a friend who had donated his body to medical science and they returned it ! The family then had to arrange a funeral so it can happen.

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Daddima Sun 21-Jan-24 14:40:45

Gangan2

Grannynannywanny

Donating a body to medical science was mentioned upthread. It’s worth noting that the final decision to accept a body is made at the time of death. So, a plan B is a necessity.

I had a friend who had donated his body to medical science and they returned it ! The family then had to arrange a funeral so it can happen.

I believe you have to be healthy and in good shape when you die to be accepted!
My friend’s father was refused because a post mortem had been carried out, and I think they were told that his obesity also made him ineligible.

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biglouis Sun 21-Jan-24 14:56:04

There was a thread about funerals a short time ago. While I admitted that for some the funeral was a "chance to say goodbye" I favoured direct funerals and found a lot of expenditure and fuss vulgar.

A bunch of virtue signalling trolls came out of the woodwork and told me what I said was "silly". As usual they had not read the first line of my posting.

There are obviously sufficient people who share my view to enable companies like direct cremations to continue. Obviously thay have to make a profit because they are a business. However there is a place in the market for people who do not want an obscenely expensive hoo-haa.Not to mention a "wake" where you put on a slap up do for a bunch of relatives you havnt seen for years.

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NotSpaghetti Sun 21-Jan-24 20:15:04

Madmeg - I just had to comment on your really lovely story which made me weep.
How beautiful.
And now you know how truly loved and valued you were.

Go on being your shining self for your dear dad 🌞
Thank you for sharing this.

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