Going back to work

Germanshepherdsmum

I found it a miserable thing to do . But you’re happy for your husband to work?

You do make me smile GSM!

I just think the OP has been extremely fortunate and is now probably scared to death! I know I would be!

It’s very unusual these days for mum’s not to return to work once little ones start school. I had no choice, I was a single mum for 9 years and then when started again with new husband and more children I had to work financially.

Even my friends with well paid husbands returned to the workplace when their children went to secondary school.

Personally I like having my own occupational pension and the comfort of knowing I qualify for my full state pension at the end of this year when I finally turn 66!

Btw Being a “working” mum, aka paid work outside the house, doesn’t absolve us from most Mum duties! Much as SAH Mum’s make a huge contribution to family life and probably do all the household chores, we working Mum’s still did/do I fair share at home too.

Callistemon21

^Are you qualified in anything, have you kept up with technology?^

Well, she's managed to get on to social media site, so that's a start, Sago!

It’s a start indeed, however I was thinking more spreadsheets and accounting etc.

Many would have loved to be a SAHM to be honest. I have loads of things to do all the time and although I've loved working I also love being at home. "Being at home" or a SAHM doesn't mean you aren't about in the community doing useful stuff too.

WHAT has made your husband suddenly want you to work?
This is the big question.

Please don't take this other than in the friendly way intended - but does he know something that you don't?
Do your children have possible answers if he won't tell you?

Cossy

Btw Being a “working” mum, aka paid work outside the house, doesn’t absolve us from most Mum duties! Much as SAH Mum’s make a huge contribution to family life and probably do all the household chores, we working Mum’s still did/do I fair share at home too.

I agree, I’ve never understood the being a ‘SAHM is a full time job’ argument once the children are in school. All mums do the same job, it’s just that most work as well these days, and have to juggle everything SAHMs do with the other priorities on their time. Let’s be honest, it’s a rarity these days for women with older children never to work, at least part time, and it’s doubtful that many would not want to work. If your husband does feel that it’s now financially necessary for you to work Biscuitmuncher then you are going to have to bite the bullet I’m afraid.

Germanshepherdsmum

Do you feel that your situation is fair to your husband? He seems to be asking for some help with the family finances, rather than continuing to provide everything, even your personal spending money. He may be finding it difficult - you don’t say what age he is - and be worrying about the reduction in income when he retires. In your position I would be very concerned about my lack of my own money.

I agree, GSM.

If your children are still at home, they should also be contributing to household chores. They need to learn some life skills.
That way if you went back to work, you wouldn't have to do so much at home.

I would hate to rely on my husband for financial support, despite the fact that he never complained while I wasn't working and bringing up our children.
Once mine were old enough, I chose to refresh my skills and go back to work. My choice, not my husband's, because I was stagnating at home.

Another worry is that you have a good few years to go before you get your state pension and appear to have ignored advice to check your pension forecast.
What if your husband became ill, was unable to work and he is the only financial provider?

Is this a red flag on relationship, is mr biscuitmincher fed up with being sole income provider . Suddenly announcing its time you got paid work suggests some problems
Why aren’t you discussing this with him? Interesting you say your adult children think he’s unfair
You disliked work for a long time before your children arrived
By the way most women combine work with family life -
Ducks in a row I think

OP - you say you enjoy housework so maybe that’s the kind of area to look for work, places where you can put those domestic skills to use: cafes, schools, hospitals, care homes and private homes.

If you enjoys grocery shopping, what about a supermarket, picking and packing for online shopping orders? Or working in the bakery?

Do you like to garden? Several of my older neighbours have the same mature female gardener to help them out. She doesn’t do any heavy stuff, just cuts lawns and tidies borders. It’s a business but accounting must be straightforward.

Do you like to iron? A couple of male friends send their shirts out to be laundered and pressed. Again, another business that the woman runs from home.

Nowadays, you have to be a bit more creative about finding work. Agencies charge employers somewhere between 15% and 20% of the base salary to place people, so a lot of employers don’t use them. Nor will you necessarily see vacancies advertised in local papers, as used to be the case, as newspapers no longer have the reach that they used to.

It’s often worth making a direct - even speculative - approach to businesses to see what opportunities they have. You may just time it right and find that some seasonal vacancies are about to open up. For example, we have an independent garden centre here that supplies the most glorious hanging baskets for both the domestic market and local businesses. They offer a refill service, take along your own baskets. They take on seasonal labour. How do they advertise? They put an A-frame board out on the roadside! A temporary job like that may be just what you need to get your confidence back.

Any new employee has to learn the ropes but many service sector jobs only require common sense and a bit of basic training to get up to speed. Age shouldn’t be a disadvantage. In many cases the experience that comes with age is a great advantage.

Private homes is a great idea TinSoldier. You could put an ad in the local paper and shops Biscuitmuncher as you enjoy household chores, why not see if you could earn some money, cleaning other people's homes. You could think about taking in ironing or combining ironing and cleaning.

I would have loved to have stayed at home for a while but it wasn’t possible - my first husband was not a provider and he left when our son was seven, leaving me with only what I earned and dodging the Child Support Agency whenever possible. You have been tremendously lucky, Biscuitmuncher, and you need to tell your husband you recognise that, as I hope you do, and have an honest talk with him about finances and the future.

Excellent advice TinSoldier. There is no shame in any honest work.

Germanshepherdsmum

I would have loved to have stayed at home for a while but it wasn’t possible - my first husband was not a provider and he left when our son was seven, leaving me with only what I earned and dodging the Child Support Agency whenever possible. You have been tremendously lucky, Biscuitmuncher, and you need to tell your husband you recognise that, as I hope you do, and have an honest talk with him about finances and the future.

Absolutely agree GSM

My local neighbourhood network pages are full of people looking for cleaners, people to do odd jobs, dog walking/sitting, and so on. You just need to be reasonably fit and prepared to put yourself about a bit. Plus the fact that you are helping people in your community and getting paid for it.

Dog walking/sitting is not for people with no experience - it needs experienced, better yet, qualified people

Iam64

Is this a red flag on relationship, is mr biscuitmincher fed up with being sole income provider . Suddenly announcing its time you got paid work suggests some problems
Why aren’t you discussing this with him? Interesting you say your adult children think he’s unfair
You disliked work for a long time before your children arrived
By the way most women combine work with family life -
Ducks in a row I think

That was my first thought Iam64.

Biscuitmuncher

Tenko my children aren't impressed about me having to go back after all this time, they've loved me being at home

I’m sure they loved you being at home when they were younger , but then they didn’t know any different.
Are they still living at home ? If so, you returning to work will impact on them.

Yes, but maybe they are just concerned...

I had to change jobs when I was nearly 60, too complicated to go into. I was successful in getting a clerical/admin role in a hospital.
If you have a hospital near enough it is definitely worth checking vacancies also GP surgeries for reception jobs.

It might be good idea to register with local volunteer centre to pick up new skills and it keep DH off your back.

Just go for it, apply for whatever you think you can do.

Now 73, retired at 55, nearly 20 years break and have just been offered a part-time job.

Just shows you are never too old.

After DH had to take early retirement I kept going by doing invigorating at a school, college and University. I was also looking after mum and had new GC. There are lots of small jobs that need doing. Just remembered I also Poll Clerked for years, contact Local Council. Even my Victorian granny thought a girl should have her own money!

I’m not being nasty but if you didn’t want to go out to work when your children were old enough why would you want to go now.
I wouldn’t let my husband pressure me, I would tell him I’m retired now, we don’t have the same energy as we did when we were younger.

Wouldn't you love to fill shelves in frozen food department, to work tills on Saturday nights, till midnight? To clean after patients on wards, have your hair pulled by some of them. You will need to be very brave! All that for very little money.

The OP's husband wouldn't be the first man in the world to insist that she stayed at home to look after the house and kids, insisting she didn't take jobs when she wanted to and then began feeling resentful about being the only 'worker'. At what point does the OP get a choice?

That said, the OP might actually find some satisfaction in working if she can overcome her anxiety about working. Just because working was frustrating when she was younger, it doesn't mean it will be now. I think the way to go is to look at what jobs would give you some satisfaction because you enjoy the type of work you are doing. Perhaps look at some courses which will give you skills. Alternatively, is there something you can do as a self-employed person? You may be able to start off at home and build up gradually in order to give the family a chance to get their increased workload under their belts.

In some ways, having been a SAHM for the most part (with lots of voluntary work, some Post-Grad courses, a couple of business's which didn't take off and some Consultancy Work) I would love to return to the world of work but my health would not let me. My husband always wanted to me be at home with the kids so after a long period of a lack of full time work, he was really proud to have studied as a mature student, got his qualifications and worked his way up the greasy pole to be able to afford us to do that. Now he's retired, he likes me being at home with him and I enjoy that too. However, if I had wanted to work at any time, he supported me in that provided I wasn't too stressed.

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