Going back to work

Poppyred

Do you want to go out to work Biscuitmuncher? Surely it’s up to you not your husband?

Look on the net BISCUITMUNCHER for schemes such as these = www.gov.uk/government/publications/returner-toolkit-helping-you-back-to-work/returner-toolkit-helping-you-back-to-work

I’m not in the least bitter jobieP. What happened, happened many years ago. I do, however, find it impossible to identify with someone who found work a miserable existence, doesn’t want to go back to work even though her children are in their 20s, is content for her husband to continue to be the sole provider and completely puts her head in the sand regarding her financial future - which I imagine is bleak..

Warning! Rant follows!

I'd just like to say that bringing up a family is definitely WORK! It's unpaid and disregarded but it's still work. Nannies and childminders do similar work and get paid. We should, perhaps, stop describing full time mothers as not working. "What? You haven't worked/had a job since your first child was born?" Shock, horror! Research proves that children get a head start in life when brought up at home by a full time parent (or, of course, another close family member.) When you think of the hours some little ones put in from a tender age i.e. breakfast club, school day, after school clubs, child minder, finally home to sit in front of a screen while an exhausted parent cooks, cleans, washes clothes, irons etc. No wonder there are so many behaviour issues in school these days and many children start school unable to string a coherent sentence together! No one has time to give them undivided attention. Screens don't foster conversation and neither do big groups of children with one or two adults.

(Don't argue with me! I taught pre-school, early years and Key Stage 1 so I have some insight!)

Rant over!

The OP is approaching 60. This is not old. She can hardly be looking forward to retirement or winding down.

I am hoping she will come back and say she has talked it over with her DH to see why he has changed horses mid stream and the answer whatever it was will then direct her next step. And there certainly has been lots of advice. Which may help others as well.

The children are in their 20s lizzy. I wouldn’t describe her now as ‘a full time mother’.

jobieP

Germanshepherdsmum

I would have loved to have stayed at home for a while but it wasn’t possible - my first husband was not a provider and he left when our son was seven, leaving me with only what I earned and dodging the Child Support Agency whenever possible. You have been tremendously lucky, Biscuitmuncher, and you need to tell your husband you recognise that, as I hope you do, and have an honest talk with him about finances and the future.

Aah, so that's why you have been sounding bitter today, GSM.

You seem to have taken over Hithere's role. Or was it Hitherto?

Nasty comment, jobieP.

I would like to know what you do all day when your children are at school.
I had three children, worked and managed to run the home, my husband was hardly ever home and we moved home many times for his job.
I’m 60 and still working but not full time.
I would be fat and bored if I stayed home all day.

Biscuitmuncher this thread is going round in circles. WHY does your husband want you to get a job??

Why do you have to work now - do it if you need the money; but maybe volunteer somewhere if you are looking to fill your time without paid work …

Perhaps to qualify for a state pension? As well as taking some of the strain off husband if he’s getting fed up with being the sole breadwinner.

Invigilating 😂😂

Why s your husband making comments instead of suggesting you have a proper conversation about this? It sounds like your confidence is low so maybe a job could give you more than just the extra money.
Don’t ask over grans, talk to your husband!

Biscuitmuncher, you are certainly not a parasite. People underestimate how much hard physical work goes into bringing up children. It's the hardest job in the world. I too gave up work to become a full time mum and housewife. I left work when I was 8 months pregnant and loved every moment of being a full time mum and running the home. I had never worked so hard in my life. I have earned money at intervals along the way, so I do have some savings of my own. I had thought about going back to part time work, but I was an audio secretary and everything has changed. Typewriters were still the thing when I worked. No computers then.
I think you should only work if you want to and not pushed into it because it no longer suits your husband. However, if you do decide to go back to work it will give you a new level of independence and maybe open up a whole new world for you 😊. Working in a charity shop would introduce you back into retail and would be less pressure. You can put it on your c.v. If you decide to return to work. Then maybe try part time.

Seems a bit odd, him asking now? I would ask him why - are they not as comfortably off as she believes? Is he trying to make her more independent? One wonders why?

BUT assuming YOU think it's a good idea:

Sign on - you get six month's NI paid, probably no money, but worth filling in forms. (Hopefully you have already seen all the publicity about back claiming for child rearing NI contributions)
You will get help then from someone with your CV
They may guide you to a volunteer role, but if not look at local opportunities (Guides and Scouts for example will give you some training)
OR go to your local FE college to see what vocational training or short courses they can offer - as you are unemployed some of these will be free.
On-line there are a number of things like Alison.com, who offer a wide range of free courses - have a look through their list to see if anything interests you. Start perhaps with one of these alison.com/tag/confidence
Your CV - I am SURE that you have done other things than just keep house, so write yourself a list of the things you have done for and with your children (PTA, sport club) and the skills you gained (organisation, marketing,???. clearly you have computer skills ( if you wish to hone them there are online free excel courses for example) There is a post and conversation here about contents of CV for returners.
What did you do for the 10 years or so before the children? Education, training?
Would your previous employer, if still around, have an opportunity for you?

What interests you?
- gardening? - your local garden centre might need you
- reading? - start by volunteering at your local primary school, the admin, reception and assistant roles are often offered to volunteers in preference to unknown applicants
- knitting/sewing? - you could start your own repair business
- baking? your local baker's might value you you as a sandwich maker, or you could try doing your own business
- No? then Tesco, B&Q and John Lewis are known to offer part-time short week hours for older applicants.
- have you thought about casual? - I am an exams invigilator which gives me regular training. I am also an elections poll clerk - this gives me perhaps 5 weeks'work a year. My friend is clerk to the governors, clerk to her town council, AND a local hunt group which total part-time leaving her some weeks free to catch up on things.

Get a health MOT from the doc and your vaccinations up to date too. And tell hubby that you will need a new outfit and shoes for this.
Good luck

Adding to my earlier comments that being a stay at home mum is the hardest job in the world, I actually found it so exhausting after about three months that I begged my mum to take over so as I could return to work. I offered to pay her of course, but she refused 😆.

Marydoll It was meant to be lighthearted

Didn’t come across that way.

GSM I’m totally with you on this post . and I’m gobsmacked that the OP hasn’t returned to work when her children were teens or when they left school . All the mothers I know have returned to work at some point . Even my mother and aunt who were born 1934 and 1935
returned to work when myself and my cousins were at high school in the 70s .
I also can’t comprehend not wanting to contribute to the family finances. And not having your own money .

Thank you Tenko. I can’t comprehend it either, totally alien to me. My mother also went back to work when I went to high school. She was born in 1920. And my grandmother, born in early 1890s, worked with my grandfather as an assistant in the Post Office he ran. I have never had to ask a man for money for anything, and never will.

Lizzypopbottle . Your comment is very generalised. I’ve always worked albeit part time and put in the hard work with my DC . They both were in the top sets at junior school and both passed their 11+ and went to grammar schools.
Plus your comments aren’t helpful when the majority of mums have no choice about returning to work .

Germanshepherdsmum

Didn’t come across that way.

Nor to me. ☹

Sadly, there has been so much sniping on GN today.

What do you feel you are really good at & makes you feel happy,if you have brought up & organized a family there is nothing you can’t do——— sign on for a computer course & that will open different avenues for you,data entry etc.
You’ll be great,nothing a woman can’t do,you will meet people,make new friends & open a whole new world,good luck.

Fairycakes

Adding to my earlier comments that being a stay at home mum is the hardest job in the world, I actually found it so exhausting after about three months that I begged my mum to take over so as I could return to work. I offered to pay her of course, but she refused 😆.

Being a stay at home mum to an under two is a very hard job. Being at stay at home mum to children in their twenties is not a very hard job at all though, is it?

Germanshepherdsmum

Thank you Tenko. I can’t comprehend it either, totally alien to me. My mother also went back to work when I went to high school. She was born in 1920. And my grandmother, born in early 1890s, worked with my grandfather as an assistant in the Post Office he ran. I have never had to ask a man for money for anything, and never will.

I never have either .

Fairycakes

Adding to my earlier comments that being a stay at home mum is the hardest job in the world, I actually found it so exhausting after about three months that I begged my mum to take over so as I could return to work. I offered to pay her of course, but she refused 😆.

It is bloomin' hard work but I had no-one nearby to take over and DH was away for months at a time.

How did she do it? (my younger self, I mean).