Car seats and 2yr olds

A mother I knew when mine were tiny referred to bribes as compensations!

When my son was going rigid and refusing to get into his pushchair an elderly lady came over and told nr to tickle his tummy and sides. His legs gave way and he slid into the seat.

Oh, yes, the straightening out and going rigid! DD used to do that in the McLaren buggy.

I'd recommend taking his shoes off. A thrashing toddler can land a hefty kick.

Have been lucky so far but grand child is only 18 months so she could rebel at some point! If the car seat has a cup holder or little compartment you could try putting one of your grandson's little favourite objects in it for him to "discover" only once he is strapped in. Don't buy a new toy, use some thing he already has eg magnifying lenses, little kaleidoscope, light up key ring, coloured sellotape strips that he could look through, etc. If you are really enthusiastic ( think ott children's TV presenter!) about what is waiting for him you may get him to get in the seat. Good luck.

Car safety is too serious a matter for games and bribery. There are somethings children have to understand from a very young age that they have to do. No arguing, no playing games and as far as I was conerned and using a seat or seat belt in a car was one of them.

DD, not the most biddable of children, has told me, as an adult, that I had very few rules she had to obey, but if I put on a certain look and spoke in a certain voice, she knew that what I said was totally unnegotiable, and car safety was one.

Car safety should never be a game, in case the children treat it as such.

I agree with that.
I favour firmly wrestling them into their seat.
No ifs or buts.
IN!!!

Ditto M0nica

I don't see a problem with a bit of bribery/reward. When I looked after my GS, the routine was that after lunch I would put him in the pushchair and we would go for a walk, during which he would fall asleep and get a nap. Rather than fight or manhandle him into the pushchair (which he was not keen to get in), he and I had an agreement. I would get out the packet of animal biscuits; he would choose which one he wanted; then I would hold onto it till he was settled in his pushchair - and then he got his biscuit. No fights, no controlling on my part, no upset - just a smiling boy, because I understood that he was too young to cope with being forced to do something he did not want to do, and needed an approach that reflected his age.

Result.

OP - try it - I am sure it will work. And will do him no harm whatever. We have to deal with children in ways that show an understanding of their abilities, both physical and emotional.

I did the same with my own. Trips round the supermarket were no problem - they sat in the trolley just fine because they knew their reward would be a go on the mechanical rocking deer in the foyer afterwards. And it would be accompanied by the right sort of chat - well done! - you have been so good! - I am so proud of you! - let's go and have that nice ride now!

MissAdventure

I agree with that.
I favour firmly wrestling them into their seat.
No ifs or buts.
IN!!!

Jeez - it's like the gestapo on here!

Horses for courses.

Better a happy biddable horse than one flogged into submission.

Oh, I draw the line at flogging.
Mostly.

Luckygirl that is an entirely different situation. car safety can be a case of life or death or life-changing imjury. Highly improbable when walking a toddler in a push chair.

Two ideas, singly or used together. One is to point out that everyone else is strapped in. The other is to say that a policeman might come and tell you off if your GS is not in his seat - if he's old enough to understand about policemen.

Does he find the seat uncomfortable? If so, is there a solution?

M0nica I completely agree, toddlers cannot and should not be allowed to manipulate this situation. I wonder if there is a difference in strategy between those who provide regular and ongoing care for their grandchildren and those who care for the children less regularly? Our family has broadly similar and sensible strategies for dealing with these stages of toddlerhood and I wouldn't dream of chucking a spanner in the works just because I'm a grandparent and see myself as entitled to do my own thing. Which I don't as the parents are doing a damn good job of raising their children.
Children feel much more secure at this age when rules are clear and consistent.

M0nica

Luckygirl that is an entirely different situation. car safety can be a case of life or death or life-changing imjury. Highly improbable when walking a toddler in a push chair.

It is not about the situation but about the approach to dealing with helping a small child to do something they do not want to do, but must do. It is about grasping the abilities and understanding of a toddler and acting accordingly.

If you manhandle a child into a car seat with screams and wails and protests, how does this help her to get it right next time? You are just setting up a regular battle ground, which is miserable for all parties. A more gentle and understanding approach will prevent setting this up as a battle ground.

Much parenting is about being one jump ahead and grasping the capabilities of the maturing child. You know that your GC does not like being put in the car seat - entirely understandable in the mind of a toddler - so plan ahead. What might make it easier for him? - what might smooth the procedure. If that means that he knows he will get a small biscuit/other treat when he has successfully been strapped in then so be it. He will grow out of that need. The reward could consist of giving them something to look forward to when the journey is over - "If you get into your seat nicely, we will play/watch/do xyz when we get back from dropping your sister off. I am looking forward to it. Which colour bricks shall we use/which programme shall we watch together/shall we go on the slide or the swings first? etc.?"

I totally agree that children need clear boundaries, especially where safety is involved, but that does not need to include browbeating controlling behaviour from the adult. It is our job as adults to assess the child's capabilities emotionally and respond in an appropriate way.

Much bad parenting comes from the adults expecting more than the child is capable of understanding - projecting adult reasoning onto a small child. Rule number one is to put yourself in the child's place and proceed from there. It is hard for us to put ourselves into the mind of a child, but it is the key to good parenting.

Luckygirl3

M0nica

Luckygirl that is an entirely different situation. car safety can be a case of life or death or life-changing imjury. Highly improbable when walking a toddler in a push chair.

It is not about the situation but about the approach to dealing with helping a small child to do something they do not want to do, but must do. It is about grasping the abilities and understanding of a toddler and acting accordingly.

If you manhandle a child into a car seat with screams and wails and protests, how does this help her to get it right next time? You are just setting up a regular battle ground, which is miserable for all parties. A more gentle and understanding approach will prevent setting this up as a battle ground.

Much parenting is about being one jump ahead and grasping the capabilities of the maturing child. You know that your GC does not like being put in the car seat - entirely understandable in the mind of a toddler - so plan ahead. What might make it easier for him? - what might smooth the procedure. If that means that he knows he will get a small biscuit/other treat when he has successfully been strapped in then so be it. He will grow out of that need. The reward could consist of giving them something to look forward to when the journey is over - "If you get into your seat nicely, we will play/watch/do xyz when we get back from dropping your sister off. I am looking forward to it. Which colour bricks shall we use/which programme shall we watch together/shall we go on the slide or the swings first? etc.?"

I totally agree that children need clear boundaries, especially where safety is involved, but that does not need to include browbeating controlling behaviour from the adult. It is our job as adults to assess the child's capabilities emotionally and respond in an appropriate way.

Much bad parenting comes from the adults expecting more than the child is capable of understanding - projecting adult reasoning onto a small child. Rule number one is to put yourself in the child's place and proceed from there. It is hard for us to put ourselves into the mind of a child, but it is the key to good parenting.

I agree about being one step ahead but don't think bribery does that at all. Children soon latch on, if I create a fuss I get something. So they create a fuss. They are one step ahead of you.
A very firm voice with a refusal to shift on the matter works better. Along with the willingness to spend as much time as it takes to get the child into the seat. It does help if all the adults concerned take a similar view. It is difficult if you have to go to school and means setting out extra early until the child realises that you mean what you say.
Bribery just means the child stores up the idea that behaving badly gets you things.

Good post Glorianny

The reward could consist of giving them something to look forward to when the journey is over - "If you get into your seat nicely, we will play/watch/do xyz when we get back from dropping your sister off. I am looking forward to it. Which colour bricks shall we use/which programme shall we watch together/shall we go on the slide or the swings first? etc.?"

Yes, put that way it's not a reward, it's a distraction and chatting away helps them focus their mind on something else whilst you're strapping them in.

M0nica

Have I ever tried to get an unwilling toddler into a car? Oh boy, have I!

But I did what I recommended here. I was the adult. I was in charge and she got into her car seat and she stayed there. After a while she go fed up fighting the inevitable and stopped playing up.

That's fine if you have the physical strength to do that. I have chronic pain and know exactly how the OP feels.

Give him a choice, either you get in the seat or don't go in the car.

He probably picks up on your lack of authority and knows he will get a bribe or a lot of attention.

For a start, is it absolutely necessary to use the car to take GD to school?
As for chocolate treats.........not in my car, even adults don't eat chocolate there.
I would speak to the parents to ascertain if they experience the same behaviour and if so, how they overcome it; there's no point in you all having different strategies, the poor child will be so mixed up.
I do hope you get this sorted though, stressful driving is dangerous.

I agree about being one step ahead but don't think bribery does that at all. Children soon latch on, if I create a fuss I get something.

I think I have not made it clear. The point of what I am suggesting is that the reward is not a response to the child creating a fuss. It is a stage back from that - it is one step ahead. You know that the child is not going to like it so you set up the reward before the fuss happens.

Give him a choice, either you get in the seat or don't go in the car.

....... but the whole point is that he doesn't WANT to go in the car! It's a no-brainer for him!

The OP has to get him in the car in order to get the older child to school. The toddler has no vested interest in getting in the car at all!

I am a grandma of 6 and I understand this problem. A suggestion might be to get a doll's car seat and place it in the car, then the child's doll or teddy or other favourite toy can be strapped in by the child, before you strap the child in. If there are going to be problems allow double the amount of time, and try to stay calm.

The Exwife You gave exactly the reply I would have given to the comments in the post above yours.

Give him a choice, either you get in the seat or don't go in the car........ but the whole point is that he doesn't WANT to go in the car! It's a no-brainer for him!

Luckygirl you have got hold of the wrong end of the stick. If a child is being put in a car they are going somewhere, often somewhere they want to go. If the person in charge says 'Fine, then we will not go swimming/to nursery/ or whatever. The child has a choice. if they do nt get in the car they do not go where they want to go.

If they do not want to go to where they are going, then deal with that problem first, then deal with the car seat problem.

Car safety should never have any rewards attached to it, no matter how well hidden. It is a matter of life and death. There are events and places that can work with negotiation but car seats, like other personal safety measures are. parents/grandparents are in charge and they should be capable of making a clear division between what is and is not negotiable with a child and make it clear to the child. If the can't, are they safe to be in charge of a small child.